


The space between worlds

by garden_of_stars



Series: MetaStar [3]
Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: M/M, Mutual Pining, Online Relationship, Sibling Incest
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-10
Updated: 2019-07-23
Packaged: 2019-10-07 21:51:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 59,116
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17373917
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/garden_of_stars/pseuds/garden_of_stars
Summary: This is the third story arc in theMetaStar series. In the first story, we saw Saeran seduce his brother online in an attempt to learn more about him and ensure he'd never leave Saeran again. In the second story, we saw Saeyoung slowly realise that his feelings for his brother weren't platonic - but he's already dating someone online, so he can just... ignore them, right?This third story explores the lead-up to, and what happens after, these feelings grow impossible to push down any longer.You will very much want to read the previous two fics in this series in order for this one to make sense.





	1. Childhood friends

**Author's Note:**

> The "Tokiheki" game referenced in this chapter is a 'Bland Name Alternative' for the "Tokimeki Girl's Side" series, which is a fun trilogy of dating sims that require stat management as the protagonist completes highschool and finds love! I highly recommend these games!
> 
> Of course, we take artistic liberty with the game, so Tokiheki != the Tokimeki games, it just shares some of their characteristics along with some other elements from other games we've enjoyed.

**Saeyoung**

Weeks pass. Saeyoung's feelings don't change, but he's able to handle them without another sulky episode or more burned skin... throwing himself as hard as he can into his relationship with Meta. To focus on the love he has there, and not the attraction to his brother.

The flipside of that is, he's been spending more and more time with Meta in LOLOL, and less time with Saeran in reality - although he's always sure to join him for meals, and still suggest an outing or two...

But, it's still notably less than it was before. It aches. But it’s for the best. It’s easier for Saeyoung to keep things platonic, like this. Hoping that in time, he can forget about the romantic attraction to his twin entirely.

In aid of that, he’s backed away from touching, too... there's been no requests for hugs, or to enter Saeran's room...

Saeyoung's working hard to be the brother Saeran deserves.

Even if he still wants more.

Maybe it’s having romance on the brain that makes the latest Tokiheki game catch his eye at the store. It's one of the most popular dating sim series from Japan. This is one of the editions aimed at girls - the first to get a BS4 release.

On a whim, he pops it into his shopping basket and brings it home.

(I enjoyed the others… might be nice to just zone out with one of these for a bit…)

A world where if you worked hard enough, you were bound to get a good ending.

**Saeran**

Of course, Saeran finds it almost immediately, looking through the shopping bag for the batteries he’d asked his twin to buy.

"What's this?"

Turning it over in his hands Saeran frowns as he reads the description.

(A dating sim?)

But he and Star had been doing so well... At least that's what he thought. Especially when Saeyoung had been withdrawing. Saeran didn't have anyone to blame but himself for that. In a way, it made things easier. Even if it hurt terribly in others.

So why would his brother bother buying this kind of game?

(Unless...)

"Are you trying to make a comment about how I'm single?" he asks, dryly. The topic had come up more than once in the RFA now Saeyoung was dating, no matter how many times Saeran had shut it down.

Not that Saeran had anything against dating games. They were fun when he played them for his research, and gave him insight into the intimacy and desires he had been otherwise lacking in his life.

The only thing is, he was content with his loveless persona in real life.

**Saeyoung**

(I... don't want you to date anyone.)

But he can't say that. Or be so selfish to wish for it.

So he takes another angle.

"You've never played a Tokiheki game? Saeran... they're not just for single people! They're like riding a roller-coaster of feelings, but you're building the tracks as you go! Tokiheki is the gold standard... build your stats... win the festivals... have the high school life everyone dreams about but no one ever actually experiences!“

He walks over to tap the front of the game cover, still in Saeran's hands.

"This series… it's like comfort food! Where everything works out, so long as you work hard..."

Actually...

Maybe this would be a safe way to spend some time with his brother. Even as he’s attempted to quarantine himself, he’s hungry for more time with Saeran.

And he's a little curious about Saeran's 'type'.

"Why don't..." he looks up from the game case to his twin, doing his best to ignore the flapping of butterfly wings in his heart. "Why don't you try playing it with me...?"

He gives Saeran a cajoling smile.

**Saeran**

Saeran doesn't need that much convincing. He's already curious about the game itself, and Saeyoung's explanation assuages any fears.

Getting into a story, growing attached to characters... Knowing your efforts could lead to a happy ending. It definitely has an appeal. He's also only ever played mobile version of these games, so he's curious about what a traditional console game would be like.

There's only one issue.

"Play together? How exactly?"

It's the type of game meant for solo play, after all. Says so right on the box.

**Saeyoung**

"Well, why don't we take turns making the decisions? And choosing the guys... oh, uh, this edition is aimed at girls, so, they're all guy options, so you know..."

It doesn't feel like Saeran would care, but, Saeyoung... kind of wants to hear it.

(What does it matter? Even if Saeran's attracted to men, or at least, doesn't hate the idea, it doesn't change anything for me... right?)

But still...

**Saeran**

It gets a raised eyebrow. Saeran knows very well, both in and out of LOLOL, that his brother had a wide range of attraction.

"So, we have our pick of handsome men eager for our affection?" he drawls, drawing on his thoughts at the time he was setting MC up to infiltrate the RFA. "Sounds fun."

Handing the game to Saeyoung, Saeran finishes unpacking the shopping bags.

"Let’s get some snacks, then we can play."

**Saeyoung**

Surprising them both, Saeyoung squeaks a "Yes!!" before he breaks into another Very Saeyoung goofy grin.

He can't help it. That Saeran was into the idea... he's excited to see how his twin will play...

(...what kind of person he likes.)

(...don't think too hard about that)

He enthusiastically throws himself into snack preparation, humming as he goes.

**Saeran**

The enthusiasm is contagious, and Saeran is keen to see how Saeyoung plays too. He might find out something that he could use to appeal to his brother online even more.

When they're ready, he sits on the couch next to his twin. Letting Saeyoung take the controls.

**Saeyoung**

In the setup screen, they chose a room style and a name for their character and... Saeyoung picks their real birthday as the protagonist’s, immediately.

Handy that they share it.

Then the game tutorial begins, their backstory is set up, and they gradually meet the various guys they can choose to pursue. Saeyoung shifts a little as he plays, aware of how close Saeran is.

This is the longest he's spent this physically close to his twin since he worked out his feelings...

(Maybe I can start to trust myself a little more around him again...)

"Ugh. I've had enough of this dude, already," he gripes, as the arrogant, domineering jock guy returns to the screen. "I'm sure he has a heart of gold under there, because of course he does, but he's waaaay too full of himself over his track team success... his nerdy friend is much cuter."

Because of course the token jock is the only friend of the weirdo loner at school.

**Saeran**

"He's handsome at least." Saeran observes, in a way that's somewhat distant. "But they're all handsome."

It's true. The game was designed that way. His casual objectification is still a little disarming though, considering Saeran's expressed little physical interest in people before. Then again, this is a game, and physical attraction or observation is different from being emotionally attached.

"I'm interested in how the two of them are friends," Saeran continues, demonstrating that very point. He's far more invested in the relationships between characters right now, than actually trying to develop one for himself.

**Saeyoung**

They have ample time to get to know the guys over the first leg of the game, given that unless you're going for one of the non-academic characters, the safest bet is to initially focus on your intelligence score and do well in class tests... a good exam score will impress everyone. A wise strategy to adopt when you don't know who you want to pursue, yet.

Eventually, they narrow down their choices to two characters.

"Maybe we should play it twice, for both of them," Saeyoung suggests, "I mean, I'll try all the routes eventually anyway, just to see what they're like, but we can probably get through one or two today.

As for who he most wants to peruse out of the two...

"Shu-kun... has a distinct appeal, don't you think? He doesn't really fit in with anyone else, focused on his dream... and his rivalry with the heroine for that student body president role... I'm curious why he's so desperate for it... and... even though he sees her as his competition... he's certainly dropped enough hints that he secretly loves her already... it makes my heart pound thinking about what he would be like if she returned his feelings... all that hidden passion coming out all at once like a firework..."

Saeyoung looks a little flushed at that last part... he might... once or twice... over the last couple weeks... have had some particularly fulfilling (if quiet) masturbation sessions around the theme of releasing repressed passion. It helped keep his hands to himself, so... it was fine.

"What do you think? Shu, or the other guy?"

It’ll be best to pick a guy now, so that they can be with him on their first in-game birthday – guaranteeing a gift that will increase their bond further.

**Saeran**

Shu-kun is certainly relatable - almost too relatable. Saeyoung making some observations that Saeran isn't entirely comfortable with.

(This is fun, though.) Saeran wasn't expecting that. Having someone to talk to about these characters... It really makes a difference to his enjoyment. Nevertheless there's no escaping how awkward it is when he's also attracted to his brother. Particularly when he has to admit who he's most drawn to...

But Saeran won't deny himself that either.

"The childhood friend has more appeal," he says simply. "He might be understated, but he's patient and has always been there..."

Trailing off, Saeran can't bring himself to look at Saeyoung or the screen.

**Saeyoung**

(The childhood friend...)

"He's sweet, and loyal..." Saeyoung agrees, "and I like that he's not selfish with the heroine... though, if he keeps that up, how's he gonna win her over? She'll have to do all the work..."

(Saeran seems a little shy talking about who he likes...)

(...why ...is he so cute...)

He nudges at Saeran's shoulder playfully with his own.

"...that said, you do strike me as the type who enjoys a good chase..."

The idea of being pursued by his twin...

Controller resting on his thigh, he strokes the side of the grip with his thumb, in the same circular pattern he'd inscribed in his twin's hand.

"...you'd always be successful, too."

The subtle change in the air between them at this comment brings Saeyoung back to himself and out of his all-too-brief private fantasy.

"A-ah," he adds, misinterpreting the feeling, "I'm not joining in on those guys telling you to date, haha... I actually... "

Before, when he wasn't aware of his crush, he would have innocently stated how he was happy to get to have Saeran to himself.

But... he can't say things like that anymore. Not now that he knows just how deeply he feels those previously innocent sentiments.

"...I think you're fine..." he trails off.

(Stick to the game, idiot).

He navigates to the phone menu, and dials the childhood friend, whose enthusiastic response to the date invitation on their in-game birthday _is_ pretty adorable.

**Saeran**

Saeran only shrugs at Saeyoung's observations.

"It's not like I have a childhood friend of my own."

Except for his twin, but Saeyoung doesn't count. Can't be counted.

That's why he won't succeed, no matter what. Besides, while the chase might be fun with any of these guys, it's more reassuring to have someone that clearly already likes you back. All you need to do is convince them of your feelings.

Whatever the case, Saeran remains carefully ambivalent. There's no way he could ever have a romance of his own outside LOLOL after all.

"You'd hope your childhood friend comes to your birthday," Saeran remarks dryly at the phone call, despite how cute it is.

He's definitely chosen the safe option.

**Saeyoung**

"That's one thing I think they could do better with in this game," Saeyoung replies. Forcing himself not to point out that _they_ were childhood friends, with all that implied given their choice of romance. "I know it's for game balance, but you only ever get a gift from the guy that likes you the most each year, which seems a little weird if you've actually got high affection with a few of them."

Just one way that game mechanics can get in the way of full immersion.

Saeyoung admires just how _well_ the game balances effort and reward, but immersion is nice, too...

"Anyway, we should be able to guarantee his affection is high before we reach the date. Although, again, it seems odd to have to work to raise the affection of someone who clearly already likes you..." Saeyoung takes one hand from the controller to tug lightly at a free strand of his hair.

"I guess, in his case, since he already loves you... you could think of raising his metre more as giving him confidence that you'll accept him, and that he won't ruin anything between you two if he's honest with his feelings..."

Even as he finishes his sentence, a wistful feeling washes over him.

(No... don't think about yourself. Meta is your romantic partner. Saeran is the one you love platonically. End of story.)

He goes about the task of setting up what the heroine will need to do this week to boost the appropriate stats.

**Saeran**

"There's a lot of reasons why someone in love might not say it... or accept it," Saeran remarks, all too aware of his own reasons. "It might not be a matter of confidence."

Though being sure that your feelings were reciprocated would help a lot.

For this character, the only way they can find out is to play further.

Saeyoung's talk of having the affections of multiple characters does cause Saeran's stomach to flip though, and not for entirely pleasant reasons.

"Ah, wait, are you saying you're the type that'd date various people at once?" The comment comes with clear distaste. Saeran is a naturally jealous and possessive type, who fixates purely on one person. Even Saeyoung having _friends_ caused him plenty of angst until he accepted them into his life too.

(Remember... This is just a game.)

But so is LOLOL.

**Saeyoung**

Saeyoung recoils.

"No! I'd never..."

It's all too close to home, his romantic feelings for Meta and Saeran making the guilt swell in his chest.

(But... I'm staying true to Meta... I'm not acting on this feeling...)

(I can't control how I feel... but, I can control my own actions...)

He shakes his head, letting the controller hang loose in his hands...

(Does Saeran think I'm a fickle person...?)

"It's part of the game, too..." he explains. "You've seen how each affection metre has a yellow and a pink heart, right? The yellow is friendship, the pink romantic feelings... both have to be maxed to get the "true" end for each guy... and none of them consider your dates romantic initially... but, you need to ask each guy out at least a couple times a year, otherwise their friendship drains away..." He stares at his hands, still feeling Saeran's accusation. "If they drop too low, they can become date disturbers, and interfere with you pursuing your love interest... it's another game mechanic that's a little weird if we were talking reality, but it challenges the player to balance friendship and romance carefully..."

Finally, because he can't help it, because he can't stand the thought of Saeran thinking about him that way...

"I'm... do I seem like that kind of guy, to you?"

He can't entirely keep the hurt tone out of his voice.

**Saeran**

This game really is complicated. Saeran's used to more straightforward mechanics, though that may be simply due to the fact he's only played phone games, which do generally require a simpler interface.

Despite having it explained to him, the bitter feeling remains in his throat.

"You seem like... a guy that can easily mess around with others, no matter who is left behind."

It's hurtful. Saeran knows it is. But in his view, it's still accurate. Making up with Saeyoung and learning his story didn't change what he saw happen.

"Try not to neglect the friendship metres,” Saeran concludes simply, staring at the screen.

**Saeyoung**

It's been a few months since Saeran was so critical of Saeyoung... it had been near-continuous, initially. And had felt like an icicle stabbing through his heart each time.

And still feels that way.

He can't help but mumble, voice raw... "I never stopped loving you..." He regrets it immediately, afraid it's only going to provoke Saeran to get angry at him again, and leave.

"Uhm, I mean... I'm sorry. I’m not trying to annoy you… Please stay... and play with me more now, even though I'm an idiot."

**Saeran**

Saeran hates this. Hates how Saeyoung drips with guilt and love, completely oblivious to Saeran's innermost feelings. Hates how pathetic his brother becomes whenever he points out a plain truth.

Hates that just because Saeyoung loves him, he expects to be absolved from the sin of leaving him.

"It doesn't change anything," he bites the words out, temper getting the better of him. Turning into a protective layer so he won't be tempted or fooled again.

Saeran doesn't want to be hurt anymore.

"So don’t grovel."

**Saeyoung**

"...okay."

It hurts... they'd been getting along so well, just before... and then, this.

Still.

Saeyoung releases a breath he's been holding all the same, relieved.

At least Saeran's staying.

That's something.

Though the next few minutes of gameplay are silent and tense.

Until they get to their birthday date.

"Uhm... it's your turn... what would you like us to do?"

The date's at the amusement park, and the childhood friend is standing close to the protagonist. 

> [Hold his hand] or
> 
> [Don't hold his hand]

**Saeran**

The answer seems obvious to Saeran.

"Hold his hand."

That’s what you're supposed to do on dates, right? And if you hold hands, it's a sure sign that they're interested in you.

(...Theoretically.)

Holding hands with Saeyoung, of course, hadn’t meant anything.

**Saeyoung**

The childhood friend, Kaito, blushes and accepts the heroine's hand.

> Kaito: I.. is this...?
> 
> Kaito: Uh...

He puts on a brave face, though the blush remains.

> Kaito: Good idea! I wouldn't want you to get separated from me in this crowd! Stay close, okay?

Saeyoung... doesn't dare comment on the similarities.

It wouldn't take him anywhere good. At worst, expose himself and disgust Saeran. And he's already managed to piss Saeran off.

So he quietly progresses the date along, to the next choice - his, this time.

> Kaito: We always wanted to see the night festival as kids...
> 
> Kaito: Do you want to stay later?
> 
> [Game alert: you will be too tired to take an action tomorrow, if you stay late on this date]

Well. That's a no-brainer. Of course, Saeyoung extends the date.

It's their birthday, let alone anything else. Though the gift giving won't occur until the end of the date.

**Saeran**

So here they both are, playing through a date that's so relevant to their own experiences that they don't dare comment on it.

(I should've chosen one of the other guys) Saeran thinks, sighing.

Too late now. In every respect. He's already in deep. Their character and Kaito tour the festival, the date going smoothly enough. There's some obvious moments where the skills Saeyoung ranked up were accounted for, such as the moment he chooses to play a festival goldfish game - and win thanks to the dexterity stat. Kaito seems impressed, but concerned about whether they should keep the goldfish.

Up comes the option to give it to him, or to release it.

"...releasing it's better, right? He doesn't want that responsibility," Saeran reasons hesitantly. He isn't completely sure.

**Saeyoung**

"Hmmm... although, it represents a precious memory that the two of you made... but, you're right... it's a living creature... can a high schooler really care for it? His parents might make him give it away, anyway..."

Saeyoung leans back into the couch. "Besides, the memory is more important than a token of it... that they were able to spend the festival together..."

It seems to be a consensus, so Saeyoung chooses the option to tell Kaito to release the fish.

He does seem faintly relieved.

> Kaito: Instead of a goldfish, from you, I'd rather...
> 
> Kaito: Ah...
> 
> Kaito: No, this time with you... that's all I need.

Echoing Meta's earlier sentiment in their conversation with Star those couple weeks ago.

Saeyoung smiles. He's warming to Kaito more and more.

They progress their relationship with Kaito over a series of dates and in-game events, as time progresses in-game through summer to autumn to winter.

They're now the proud owners of a silver bracelet, their birthday gift for this year from Kaito. Saeyoung keeps it equipped no matter what other clothes they send the heroine out in.

As time passes for them, too, the earlier tension between the twins dissipates a little.

Both enjoying how their hard work is paying off with their progress in the game.

And Kaito really is sweet.

As the second year in-game begins, they've already managed to raise their romance meter enough that they now have the option for Kaito to walk them home.

And a special feature of the Tokiheki games is getting to pat and touch the character on the walk back - stroking his hair, poking his cheek – nothing racy enough to raise the game’s rating, of course.

"Oh, you want to walk home with him first, or should I?" Saeyoung asks, offering the controller to Saeran. Because of the time-based nature of the interactions, it'd be too hard taking turns choosing actions in this fast-paced scene.

**Saeran**

"I will."

Saeran takes hold of the controller. He hasn't had an opportunity to directly play yet, so now is the perfect chance.

He starts off patting and prodding slowly, experimenting with the reactions. It's odd to think that Kaito's perfectly fine being touched so openly, though.

"This has to be the least realistic mechanic..." Saeran murmurs, then pauses to doubt himself.

After all, Saeyoung had snuggled up to him at times... But that didn't mean he let Saeyoung get away with it. "You can get pretty insistent though." Saeran ultimately concedes, deciding to escalate touching the way Saeyoung does. Drawing from his own experience, and because he's interested in the extra reactions he'll get.

**Saeyoung**

"Ah... so, you've now got him to the ideal blush level... so, you don't need to -"

Kaito's current flustered state is about perfect to max out their points for the date.

But Saeran's escalating further, and... the walking scene pauses.

> Kaito: Ah...ah! [Heroine]! I...!
> 
> Kaito: I-if you keep doing this, I'm...
> 
> Kaito: I might take it the wrong way...

His voice actor delivers the lines perfectly, and even though they're in Japanese, the emotion behind them is clearly communicated.

The longing for more.

> Kaito: [Heroine]... I... I want to...
> 
> Kaito: If you touch me this way, can I, also -
> 
> Kaito: Ah...! I-! I should go!

And Kaito's sprinting off into the night, having only walked the heroine partway home.

**Saeran**

Oh.

Saeran should have seen that coming.

He's felt that way often enough.

This kind of game is dangerous too. It's easy to get addicted to the affection a character holds for you.

Saeran passes back the controller to Saeyoung guiltily. Despite his shame, Saeran can't get the image of Kaito barely able to hold himself back out of his head. Replacing him with Saeyoung all too easily, and...

(Stop stop stop stop.)

His face is red.

(What am I thinking, fantasizing about my brother right on front of him?) But--

No.

Stop.

"That was, ah... I didn't mean to push him that much." Saeran admits, glancing down to his hands.

**Saeyoung**

Saeyoung's skin burns where his fingers briefly touched Saeran's as he returned the controller, his face just as red.

"I didn't warn you properly," Saeyoung responds, a little throatily. "Uhm... it's actually not bad to do that once in a while, though..."

It's unclear if Saeyoung is referring to the game or real life.

"You want a drink? I'll get us a top-up..." His voice is definitely a bit raw and... there's a note of something in it that sounds... a little hungry.

Topping up their drinks is a good opportunity to give his blush a chance to dissipate. He ducks out to the kitchen to do it. It only takes a minute, but at least he's a little more composed by the time he gets back to the couch.

He shouldn't... he shouldn't, but...

He sits... just a little closer to Saeran than before.

Barely perceptible.

(Let me bask in this, at least... to keep me going without wanting to take any more...)

**Saeran**

Saeran needs the drink. Hearing his brother's voice after that scene caused his mouth to go dry.

(It's natural to be affected. That's the entire point of the game) he reminds himself, eagerly bringing the glass to his lips.

In his rush, a sliver of water escapes the corner of his mouth. Beading down to his jaw, then along his chin until it drops to the floor.

Saeran pays it no mind. Attention much more occupied with other thoughts.

(Hyung said it’s good to do it once in a while... So it'll happen again? I'm not sure if I can handle that...)

It might not be on the level of watching porn with his twin, but it was close.

Unless Saeyoung was referring to his own actions in reality...?

(Get a grip!)

**Saeyoung**

The water might have slipped Saeran's notice, but not Saeyoung's.

Rather than his own mouth going dry, when he catches the sight, he nearly drools. Imagining something else that could also drip from his brother's lips...

(God. GOD.)

Maybe the masturbation sessions weren't helping him cope with his incestuous feelings as much as he thought.

Though...

He's curious...

He can't help but ask, as he progresses the next scene and guides the heroine through the first challenge of this year's athletics carnival.

"Are you familiar with the term, 'skinship', out of curiosity? It's what inspired some of these mechanics."

**Saeran**

"I've heard of it."

Saeran isn't ignorant. It may not have come up as a mechanic in mobile games, but it did come up. So many of them were Japanese made, and it was something that the culture seemed to prize.

He'd always envied that, when he received so little.

**Saeyoung**

"I've always liked the sound of it..." Saeyoung admits. "And, with y-"

(Wait. No. Idiot.)

How can he even begin to broach something like that after what they just watched?

Plus, this last fortnight, he's been doing everything he can to _avoid_ touching Saeran.

But better not to leave that sentence hanging.

"- uh, with you, when we were kids, holding your hand watching the sky was one of my happiest memories..."

Not... a great save, but better than telling Saeran he wanted to touch more NOW when clearly that would be a bad idea.

He continues the athletic festival, and they take turns guiding the heroine though some obstacles on each course.

It seems like he got away with that sentiment, this time.

**Saeran**

Even so, the topic causes Saeran to think.

(...He says that, but lately he's been less touchy.)

Saeran had chalked it up to his brother taking his new relationship seriously.

(I scared him off, too.)

That's all it is. Looking any further into it was setting himself up for disappointment.

"It's different when you're kids," he says firmly, convincing himself as much as he is trying to convince Saeyoung. "It sounds nice in theory... in reality it's awkward."

Painfully, awfully awkward.

Saeran really sympathises with Kaito right now.

**Saeyoung**

"I guess..." Saeyoung replies, which comes out a lot more like "If you say so," than he intended.

Although... in their case, his brother is probably right.

He just doesn't want it to be the case.

They progress through their penultimate year of highschool, both of them behaving on subsequent dates, never pushing Kaito too far.

In fact, they've practically maxed out his affection already, Saeyoung already a pro at optimising his stats, and the twins collaboratively generally picking the options Kaito likes.

But now that they're at this top tier of affection...

...New touching options are available to the player after their date.

And new reactions.

Including one where the voice actor...

Saeyoung swings their hands, and the voice actor squeaks just... like Saeran had at the zoo.

A sound that Saeyoung had replayed to himself in his mind, guiltily, a few times at this point.

He... wants to hear it again.

He touches Kaito more... tries out every new option available to them at this level.

Kaito gets redder and redder, until finally, the inevitable occurs. 

> Kaito: H... hah...
> 
> Kaito: I... wish I could be as casual with you as you are with me... but... wouldn't you hate me, then?
> 
> Kaito: You don't understand... how much I... how much you...
> 
> Kaito: I want to be so much closer to you...

Unlike last time, a response option pops up.

> [I'm sorry, I didn't mean it.] or
> 
> [I want to be closer with you, too.]

There's no hesitation. Saeyoung picks the second option. 

> Kaito: Oh... my heart's pounding...
> 
> Kaito: But... please be patient with me...
> 
> Kaito: I want so badly to be honest with you, but... for now...
> 
> Kaito: Just a little longer... leave your hands on my cheek just a little longer...

There's a pregnant pause.

> Kaito: Okay... that'll keep me going. Let's go home, [Heroine]...

Rather than running away, this time. he walks them home slowly, quietly.

The voice acting was, again...

Really compelling.

Saeyoung's heart rate is... much like Kaito described.

**Saeran**

"... _hyung_." Saeran manages around the heart that's currently in his mouth, having to sit through his twin making those decisions.

It's disturbing how Kaito's words... echoed so many of the ones he has locked up in his own heart. Words that he only dared to type online, and nowhere else. Speaking them was forbidden.

For all his panic, Saeran secretly wishes he could hear Saeyoung tell him those very words too.

"I... feel sorry for him, to be put under stress like that," he mutters, reaching over his twin to grab the controller. Not trusting his brother to treat Kaito gently.

"He might break if you do that again."

Saeran knows he will.

**Saeyoung**

"But if I don't, he'll never know how I feel!!"

(...)

"...how she feels," he corrects himself, unashamedly enough. "B-besides... we didn't lose any affection... the menu option was because we've come far enough we can push harder... if we don't, what if... what if he keeps away forever?"

He’s getting too worked up. "Okay... you look after him for a bit," he concedes, although Saeran looked unlikely to relinquish the controller at this point, anyway.

"Show me what you would do, over this last year... together... what _your_ love looks like..."

At least, through the game, Saeyoung can enjoy it.

**Saeran**

"My love?" Saeran echoes.

Frankly, he isn't sure what his own love looks like outside of being Meta. And LOLOL was quite different from this game.

(I need to be considerate of what Kaito wants to succeed, right?) But how?

"...don't laugh if I fail." Saeran warns, clicking through menus and checking various data - birthdays, hobbies, unlocked backstory...

The latter was pretty sparse. He should work on asking Kaito more about himself. Over the next month, Saeran has the heroine cook Kaito's favorite foods and join him every lunchtime. It's not that big a deal, but it seems to be incredibly effective - Kaito opening up more and more about his feelings... And home situation, coming to school without lunch more than once.

(…though these are all just the things that I'd like...)

**Saeyoung**

"I can see why he's so afraid to reveal his feelings, when his parents are such poor examples themselves," Saeyoung comments, leaning towards the screen.

He's been glued to it since giving up control, swept up in the romance and his desire to see what Saeran does.

"Maybe his hesitance to own up to the heroine is because he'd rather live his life as her friend than risk winding up like his parents..."

He certainly doesn't want to emulate either of theirs.

**Saeran**

"That's..."

A thought Saeran has never had, but now his heart seizes at the possibility.

Already, he easily fell into the bad habits of cruelty, ingrained into him by his mother and Rika. While Saeyoung said there was kindness in him...

There was an equal amount of darkness. All the more reason he can never let his true feelings show in reality.

Disquieted, Saeran continues to play.

It turns out Saeyoung is right.

But it's so much worse too.

> Kaito: [Heroine], I...
> 
> Kaito: I can't be with you...
> 
> Kaito: Our mothers... they're sisters.

**Saeyoung**

Both of them are struck silent at that.

Could Saeran have possibly chosen a character more designed to chew up Saeyoung's heart?

Saeyoung thinks it’s unlikely.

The heroine has two options to respond - shocked silence or, "I still want to be with you."

"Saeran..."

Saeyoung twists around, a pleading expression plastered over his face.

"Don't let him go..."

**Saeran**

Who does Saeyoung think Saeran is? He has never let go of anything, ever, in his life. Not while he had a choice.

If anything, he kept what he could as safe and tight to himself as possible.

Which is precisely why Saeyoung's immediate reaction makes him feel strange.

Saeran's distantly aware of how heavy his heart is thudding in his chest, and a distant scream echoing in his ear that he can't quite make out.

"It's only a game," he says, light as can be.

This is a game.

LOLOL is a game.

That's all it is to Saeyoung.

So it is to him, too.

On occasion, games mimicked reality. That's all.

His thumb hovers over selecting the silent option, while the most locked up part of him rattles at his cage and demands to see where this goes.

It wins.

Saeran drops to the second, professing his feelings. In a way it’s like confessing to Saeyoung... Without any of the risk, considering LOLOL had been and continues to be far more dangerous than this too.

"I'm curious about how it plays out," he explains.

A little truth to draw attention away from the giant reality. Besides, the game has made him well and truly invested now. For better or for worse.

**Saeyoung**

"God, I thought you really were going to reject him for a second... I was gonna bite through my entire arm if you did that..." Saeyoung sighs in relief, and sinks back onto the couch.

"If I did that, I'd _definitely_ make you bandage it," he jokes, the sudden loss of tension making him lightheaded. Well. That’s not the only reason. That Saeran would still accept Kaito’s incestuous love… it reduces Saeyoung’s guilt, even if it’s only by the smallest amount.

Meanwhile, Kaito is now the one shocked into silence.

> Kaito: You... you really feel that way...?
> 
> Kaito: You... like me that much...?
> 
> Kaito: I... didn't expect that response
> 
> Kaito: Now I don't know what to do...
> 
> Kaito: ...I want to run away with you, just the two of us
> 
> Kaito: ...
> 
> Kaito: Please... just think about it for now
> 
> Kaito: What you're saying isn't small...
> 
> Kaito: If you still feel that way after graduation...
> 
> Kaito: There's no one else I want... but you...
> 
> Kaito: But... think carefully about it, okay, [Heroine]?

**Saeran**

Ironic that it's the exact subject Saeran has been thinking about carefully for far too long now.

He doesn't say as much, continuing to play as normal and uncovering more as he does.

For instance, their mothers were estranged. Over the man Kaito's mother had chosen to be with no less. Funny how that turned out, and that they're now reconciling. Leading Kaito to discover the sad truth of their relation.

Saeran misses when the game was about light-hearted flirting. He plays up until the last week, before handing the controller back to Saeyoung.

"You can finish it."

It’s not because Saeran can’t. But the dark part of him wants to see Saeyoung embrace these circumstances.

**Saeyoung**

"O-okay... I'll do my best."

After his outburst earlier, he can't mess things up now. He accepts the controller carefully. Thumb absently circling against the side of it once more as soon as the graduation scene begins.

Kaito is waiting for the heroine in an old chapel on the hill by the school.

He turns in slow motion, face animated in much more detail than earlier in the game. 

> Kaito: [Heroine]...
> 
> Kaito: You really came...

Saeyoung is again given an option to accept or reject - 

> [I've realised I can't be like I want to with what we know...] or
> 
> [I still want to be with you, no matter what.]

Saeyoung doesn't hesitate.

In reality, his feelings have to stay hidden.

But in the game... at least Kaito and the heroine can be together honestly.

He chooses the option to be with Kaito.

Kaito smiles, and they kiss, and Saeyoung absolutely squeaks.

But then...

Kaito's voice is warmer than ever. 

> Kaito: But, you'll never guess! I only found out today, at graduation...! All this time...!

His mother had finally told him... he was adopted.

(What…? But then, _what was the point of that twist_ …?)

Saeyoung feels a little deflated.

**Saeran**

"What a cop-out," Saeran blurts out, unable to stop himself, "the game devs are cowards."

It's unnecessarily critical, but it _is_ cheap. Saeran feels cheated. Here he had identified with this route and character, only for their problems to be solved as if by magic. Neglecting how he has to live with the very real consequences of such emotions.

**Saeyoung**

"Ugh..." Saeyoung starts, "you're totally right... I'm disappointed..."

What was a leap of faith for love...

"It cheapens the fact that she was willing to be with him no matter what his background... it's like our choice and our willingness to face the obstacles in our way were rendered meaningless... when it was a big decision..."

Saeyoung brings both feet onto the couch and crosses his legs, resting the controller on top.

"It would have been much more meaningful for them to truly be cousins, and to make that informed decision themselves... to face what that meant, and be there for each other..."

Like he wishes he could...

"...I'm headcanoning it out," Saeyoung concludes, firmly. "What we decided mattered. I don't accept losing the significance of our choices."

He continues on through the confession scene - the two professing their undying love for each other, but then...

This... this is new...

The touch menu is back...

Of course, Saeyoung wound be the one holding the controller when the horniest part of the game appears.

(It must be a new feature added to this edition... the others ended at the confession... it's... it's not going to get pornographic, right?)

It only had a 15+ sticker on it, so... probably not?

He chooses some modest ones, for now, though, given how Saeran had reacted last time.

The heroine touches Kaito's cheek and strokes at his hair, gently...

(A little like... when I held him those couple weeks ago... in this room.)

Kaito doesn't respond with a squeak this time, though. Or just a blush. He pushes the heroine against the old chapel pulpit, and kisses down her neck - shown in a series of stills, their bodies silhouettes onscreen.

> Kaito: [Heroine...]
> 
> Kaito: [Heroine...]!
> 
> Kaito: I'll never leave your side again
> 
> Kaito: I'll be honest with you from now on...!
> 
> Kaito: With you...

His silhouette runs a hand down the protagonist's back to her waist. 

> Kaito: With you... I truly believe I can find happiness...

Then... the VA... does some extremely... realistic kissing sounds... and breaths...

Saeyoung's getting goosebumps. He doesn't dare look at his twin.

The screen fades to black, and... probably for the best... a montage starts of all the CGs they unlocked with Kaito - clearly they missed a few – and scrolling text gives them an outline of their future together, based on their stats and choices.

Fortunately, this all goes on for a while, giving both brothers a little time to let their heart rates return to something closer to normal by the time the message:

> [Congratulations!]
> 
> [Kaito Chapel Ending 02 Reached!]

(That's right... there are a lot of endings, tailored to a lot of choices and stats... and the state other guys are in, too)

Truly, hours and hours of gameplay for what it is. There's a reason he'd been able to play Tokiheki continuously over months of missions, years ago. Slowly unlocking every scene, every possibility.

It was nice, to have one small part of his life where all options were open to him.

Every small romance had been a little moment of peace, amongst the things he had to do and see as part of his career as an Agent.

The next prompt comes on screen...

> [Press X to start a New Game]
> 
> [Press O to load a previous save file]
> 
> [Press Start for Main Menu]

He leans back into the couch, then turns his head to look at Saeran, pressing the side of his face into the cushion.

"Wanna... play one more with me...? If the next one's a cop-out too, I'll... buy enough icecream to pack out the freezer..."

Although maybe that sounds like he thinks his twin is pliable with simple bribes...

"Ah, or, I could be your servant for the day, and do whatever you said... but I have faith the game writers won't do us dirty two times in a row...!"

The visible part of his mouth quirks up.

"So? Wanna bet? Wanna see how it plays out with Shu?"

He's framing it as a game about a game intentionally, keen to keep his brother's interest just a little longer.

**Saeran**

There's a comment resting heavily on Saeran's tongue about how quick Saeyoung is to forget about Kaito. He swallows it.

(After all, to him it's all fake.)

Of course Saeyoung wouldn't be as affected by the storyline as he is. All Saeran can do is treasure that his brother hadn't been repulsed. On the contrary - he took the decision to heart.

But now he wants to play again...

(There'll probably be more steamy scenes too.)

Saeran's not sure he can handle it.  He already knows that ending scene will haunt his fantasies.

"If you want to romance him so badly, I'm not stopping you," he settles on saying.

Saeran doesn't have to be around for it.

There's just one problem: Saeyoung knows exactly how to hook him.

"...So what happens if you win? You want me to be your servant?"

**Saeyoung**

He looks away. "I can't imagine that."

Or at the very least, he _shouldn't_.

He presses "New game" and immediately changes the name of the female protagonist. The first was with Kaito, after all...

He leaves the other details the same, though. As the prologue plays out, Saeyoung glances at his twin out of the corner of his eye.

(Is he gonna stay...?)

**Saeran**

For now, he's staying. He had fun too, and it's nice to spend time with Saeyoung in real life... They've seen less of each other lately. Not counting LOLOL.

"Think of better stakes, and I’ll stick around," he remarks, settling back into the couch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In the next chapter, Saeyoung comes up with much, much better stakes... and does his best to make them happen :3 It all leads to a moment where, just for a little while, their hearts beat as one!
> 
> My favourite scenes of the entire series are in this fic. I can't wait to share the things we wrote with you all! Thank you, as always, for reading!


	2. Two hearts that beat like one

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Saeyoung makes a bet that he's guaranteed to enjoy the outcome of, win or lose. But as they play Shu's Tokiheki route together, he finds himself using the story more and more to say what he wishes he could say to his brother. With very encouraging results.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Screams into my hands] I'm so happy to finally get to post this chapter... especially the one scene... where they... 
> 
> AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!

**Saeyoung**

“Better stakes, huh…?”

Saeyoung muses as to what exactly might appeal to his brother as he guides the heroine through a few weeks of upping stats and selecting her after-school club. Of course, since this time they’re pursuing Shu, a Student Council member, he selects the Student Council.

He wants Saeran to stick around for the entire playthrough. Much as he’s isolated himself, fearful of betraying his feelings to his twin, he’s missed spending time like this with Saeran. And the game has been a fun, _safe_ framework to interact. Even with the couple times they’d argued over choices, or the times where he’d had to stop himself imagining Saeran saying some of those lines to _him…_

As he continues to ponder it, the heroine begins her first meeting with the Student Council. Shu seems to be staring at her, but then quickly looks away when she turns to look in his direction.

Saeyoung smiles, taking a hand from the controller to rub his bottom lip thoughtfully. “Maybe… if this guy has a decent ending… then, you…”

What does he want from Saeran? That he’s _allowed_ to have?

There had been a scene with the heroine’s closest female friend in the last playthrough that had made Saeyoung a little envious…

“What about… you agree to have a movie night sleepover with me? Uh, in that we could stay up late and… do sleepover stuff like they did in the game… make popcorn… maybe play board games… uh…”

This is more an invitation than a loss scenario, though.

“…and you let me do your nails… you can pick the colour though…”

Not that _this_ was much of a punishment either, but, it _would_ make Saeyoung happy. And it’s something he can’t imagine his twin offering to do with him on his own steam.

But as he finishes his suggestion, he’s distracted with a choice:

> [Sit down quietly at the meeting table] or
> 
> [Bow and greet the other members first]

He decides to draw attention with a greeting, though Shu seems to thoroughly ignore the gesture. Unlike Ryo, the current Student Council Vice President, who seems to immediately take a shine to the heroine. Much to Shu’s apparent disgust.

Given Ryo is also a romanceable character, they may need to play a little more carefully than their previous run with Kaito. They don’t want to get _too_ cozy with Ryo.

> Ryo: Ah, [heroine!]
> 
> Ryo: I saw on your scholarship entry form, you wrote that you were considering running for Student Council President!
> 
> Ryo: That’s my dream for next year!
> 
> Ryo: Let’s both work hard, okay?
> 
> Shu: Ugh…
> 
> Shu: Using your vice president powers to read student’s personal files, huh?
> 
> Shu: Isn’t that overstepping your bounds?

As the meeting progresses, it only becomes more clear that the two of them clearly don’t get along. Though mostly it seems to be coming from Shu’s side – Ryo largely ignores his kohai.

After the meeting ends, there’s a very brief sequence with Shu, where he approaches the heroine at her locker as she retrieves her shoes to leave for home…

> Shu: Hey…
> 
> Shu: You should know… Ryo might seem like a good guy.
> 
> Shu: But he’s not.
> 
> Shu: You should be careful around him, okay?
> 
> Shu: And, if you're here to cause trouble, too
> 
> Shu: I'll see right through you as well
> 
> Shu: So... don't be like _him_.

Before the heroine has a chance to respond, Shu’s already striding out of the building, like he’s only barely holding himself back from sprinting away.

**Saeran**

Saeran finds Ryo’s friendly approach more appealing than Shu at this stage, but to each their own. Saeyoung wanted to play this route, so that's what they'll do.

He's more concerned about their bet anyway.

(Hyung... is so cheesy.)

Having a fancy sleepover was hardly a loss. That said, Saeyoung being his servant wasn't either. If Saeran honestly wanted something, Saeyoung would do it anyway.

(Let's make it more interesting.)

"Sure. Though, if you lose this bet… instead of you being my servant... introduce Shu as your new boyfriend on the messenger."

**Saeyoung**

Nearly dropping the controller, Saeyoung jolts back to stare at his twin.

“You want me to tell them I’m dating an otome game character? Like one of those guys that marries his portable game console in an official ceremony???”

It’s…

…kind of hilarious.

“Oh my god. Do you think Yoosung would consider it as an option for himself? What if he asks if Shu has a sister??? Aahahahahahhaha!”

The concept entertains him so much he has to wipe at his eyes. It’s not like he hasn’t played weirder pranks on the RFA before now, either. “It’s a deal, hahaha!”

To Saeyoung’s mind, he wins either way. Either a cute sleepover date (…no, no don’t use that word…) with his brother or… playing a prank that Saeran has orchestrated?

There’s no downside.

The terms of their bet decided, Saeyoung returns to the game with renewed energy.

> Ryo: Oh, [Heroine]-chyaaan~

On the way to the heroine’s assigned after-school activity for the day, Ryo stops them just before the school gates.

> Ryo: Wanna walk with me to the station?
> 
> Ryo: After all, maybe _you’ll_ be my Vice President next year!

Saeyoung glances over to his twin, who nods, interested enough in where this might go. So, they walk to the train station with Ryo, though nothing much other than some chatter about the upcoming sports festival happens over the duration of the walk.

On their first playthrough, they didn’t really bump into Ryo much at all – you can do entire Tokiheki runs and not even meet some of the guys to begin with, depending on your choices, so other than a few minor events Ryo is a bit of a mystery. Saeyoung’s pretty confident he’s being setup as a ‘player’ type, the heroine catching his attention early. She’d probably have to work hard to actually stand out amongst all the other girls interested in Ryo.

Saeyoung’s still much more curious about Shu. He might not be the childhood friend, but since the start, he seems to have been watching the heroine. It’s only intensified since they joined the Student Council.

Plus, Shu’s reaction to them calling him for the first time entertains him greatly.

> [phone dialling sounds]
> 
> Shu: Nakamura Shu speaking.
> 
> Heroine: Ah, Shu-kun. This is [Heroine].
> 
> [Sounds of Shu’s voice actor spluttering faintly in the background]
> 
> Shu: W-what? You?! Why are you calling me?
> 
> Heroine: Well, I was wondering if you’d like to go see the new Mihara Shiki exhibition at the museum this Sunday?
> 
> Shu: You mean? Me? Go to the museum? With _YOU_?
> 
> Heroine: …yes?
> 
> Shu: Why…?
> 
> Shu: Ugh… well, whatever. It’s fine.
> 
> Shu: I can go.

**Saeran**

Saeran’s still enjoying the quiet glow of coming up with such a good prank idea, Saeyoung’s enthusiasm only heightening his enjoyment. Much like his twin, Saeran feels he’s going to win regardless of the outcome.

The phone call with Shu really makes him question his brother's taste, though.

"What do you see in this guy...?"

**Saeyoung**

"He's interesting," Saeyoung responds slightly absently, part-way through a job minigame. "And he’s only gotten more intense since we joined the Student Council. I wanna know what about us caught his attention. There’s just something making him hold back from getting to know us in a more straightforward way.”

Which, of course, tends to be a trope in these games anyway – otherwise how can you string out the plot long enough for the final confession scene timed with graduation day?

Speaking of Shu’s sneaky fascination with the heroine…

He shows up at her part-time job, after Saeyoung finishes the minigame. In this playthrough, Saeyoung opted to work at a flower shop, given it helps improve a few stats that Student Council meetings reduce.

> Heroine: Shu-kun, welcome to the store!
> 
> Shu: Ah…! Uh, yeah…
> 
> Shu: So… you work here… huh?
> 
> Heroine: Mmm-hm! Every Tuesday and Thursday after school!
> 
> Shu: I-I didn’t ask that! I was just looking around…
> 
> Shu blushes, and prods absently at some daffodils in a vase.
> 
> Shu: Anyway… bye…

He leaves without purchasing anything.

“...yup. He’s definitely curious about us,” Saeyoung concludes, smiling. “I bet if we give him a chance, he’ll turn out to be a really fascinating guy.”

They progress the plot further, and the date comes around. Shu’s already waiting for them when they arrive.

> Heroine: Oh, Shu! I hope you weren’t waiting long…
> 
> Shu, holding a half-drunk juice bottle: …two minutes longer, and you would have been late.
> 
> Heroine: O-oh… I made you wait.
> 
> Shu: …
> 
> Shu: That’s a nice colour… your skirt…
> 
> Shu: …anyway let’s go inside already! We’re going to miss the tour!

**Saeran**

Saeran still isn't seeing it.

Covering up and repressing your emotions, and acting brusquely so you won't be hurt somehow... yet unable to deny your interest...

It's an aspect of himself Saeran hates, despite how necessary it is.

And it bothers him that Saeyoung seems to like it.

"Wouldn't you rather be with someone who can be clear about how much they like you...? Like Ryo."

Like _Meta_.

It’s uncomfortable to think Saeyoung is interested in this type, when Meta has _never_ acted like this…

What if Saeyoung doesn’t really enjoy the way he and Meta interact…?

(He’d say something, right…?)

**Saeyoung**

“…Ryo’s a playboy,” Saeyoung says, firmly. “My heart would break if you dated a guy like that!! I bet he’s flirty with all the girls – and, he hardly even knows anything about the heroine, unlike Shu! He probably just likes her looks!”

He walks through the museum with Shu, looking at the exhibits and taking note of the things Shu seems to enjoy looking at the most. Once Shu starts to get invested in reading about an exhibit, he drops his barriers a little and starts talking to the heroine with increasing enthusiasm – until he realises what he’s doing, anyway. Then the wall comes back up.

Only for it to fall again.

Despite his obvious fear of growing closer to the heroine, Shu just can’t seem to help himself.

“…Shu doesn’t pay attention to the other girls. Not like Ryo does…” Saeyoung adds, smiling as Shu exclaims over a fossil, having turned up his nose at the feature exhibition area. Apparently unimpressed by the Mihara Shiki collection.

 “Shu’s interested in us, specifically, even if he doesn’t seem to want to admit it.” Saeyoung has the heroine point out a pterodactyl skeleton hanging from the roof, much to Shu’s unabashed excitement. “I guess what I’m saying is, in the end, it’s not about how good they are at expressing what they feel… it’s that their feelings are tied specifically to _you_ … just like Kaito’s were. Whereas Ryo… sure, you can capture his heart, but, right now I think he’d date just about anybody cute.”

The date ends, and Shu mumbles something about it not being so bad to do this kind of thing once in a while, before leaving the scene.

“For Shu to like you… doesn’t it feel a bit more special? He won’t just fall for anyone. What he feels for us already is special, whether it’s friendship or romance.”

**Saeran**

For someone who can be as flirty as Ryo, Saeyoung sure is sentimental. Hearing him explain how he views Shu does make Saeran consider him in a different light too, though the characteristics remain uncomfortably familiar.

"...You have a point." Saeran concedes. But only slightly. "Falling for someone like that is sure to be painful though. No matter how you see it. It's a flaw on the same level as being a flirt..."

With a playboy, their love interest’s feelings may be indiscriminate, but you'd feel cherished. Compare that to being the centre of attention with a brusque type like Shu; there's primarily negativity to begin with.

"Seeing all the other options available… it just looks like you’re settling for less, because you're insecure," Saeran observes, becoming aware of even _more_ reasons why wishing Saeyoung would notice him is terrible.

Saeyoung deserves so much better. And Saeran can only give him that online.

In reality, his twin would be settling for sure, to be with someone like Saeran. Even if you ignored their blood relation.

That's all there is to it.

"...anyway..."

The game. Better to focus on the game, or he’s just going to depress himself again.

"Making someone who likes everyone, who’s kind and flirty with everyone, like _you_ the best, is..."

His needy side is showing. Saeran flushes.

"Nevermind."

**Saeyoung**

“Is protecting himself really a flaw, though?” Saeyoung asks, opting to let the heroine rest for the next week, having gotten her stress level up quite a bit over his initial stat-raising binge. “Shu probably has a good reason for it. Being that way might have been the best choice for him… and… I kinda relate… to not being able to let yourself do as you want…”

Now he, too, shuts his mouth. Afraid he’ll wind up saying something that will inadvertently expose himself, and all his messed-up feelings. Saeran's earlier blush goes unnoticed, Saeyoung carefully keeping his eyes on the screen after his own slip-up.

He’s gratified when, at the next Student Council meeting, Shu just _happens_ to have his bag placed on the seat next to himself, which he just _happens_ to put on the floor right after the heroine enters the room. Of course, the heroine elects to sit next to him. Shu acting all the while like it was just some coincidence.

“I don’t think it’s settling, either…” Saeyoung continues. Much safer to focus on Shu, than on anything to do with himself. “The love he and the heroine could have together… having broken down the obstacles in their way… that's powerful. If you've had to struggle alongside your lover, then you know the two of you could face anything.”

Ryo assists the Student Council President with opening the meeting, giving the heroine a wink as he does so. Shu mutters something under his breath, leaning forward to break Ryo’s line of sight with the heroine. Saeyoung grins. It sure reads like jealousy, even if there’s clearly additional reasons Shu doesn’t like Ryo.

Saeyoung doesn’t mind being coveted. Not one bit.

He continues his line of reasoning. “No lover is going to be all smiles, all the time. I can see what you mean about making someone only look at you, when they could have whoever they wanted… but…”

In the game, Shu jumps when his hand meets the heroine’s, as they both reach for the meeting agenda at once. He looks away and hands a copy to the heroine, before handing out copies to everyone else in the room… leaving Ryo for last.

Saeyoung smiles at this, too.

“He’s drawn to her, despite his own internal struggle… unable to avoid reaching out, despite his own reservations… it’s romantic.”

**Saeran**

(...)

It's _unfair_ , is what it is.

Saeyoung's ready to battle every protest and barrier he has... with no clue how his words sound to Saeran.

It's insufferable. Because there's no way his brother could truly feel that way when it came to him.

(I can't... keep talking about this.)

So in the exact same fashion as Shu, Saeran dismisses what his twin's saying.

"You're a masochist. Such a hopeless romance only works out in video games."

Like theirs. LOLOL was the only place a love like his could survive.

(Isn't this the perfect time to check in on how Saeyoung views his relationship with Meta?)

"Tell me... do you think this way about your online relationship?"

Nailed it.

This way he sounds like a concerned brother.

**Saeyoung**

Saeran? Showing _actual interest_ in his relationship?

Saeyoung’s heart skips.

This last conversation went well, too. He’s even got a little insight into how Saeran thinks about love…

(Maybe he’d enjoy dating someone like Zen… if Zen was into guys, anyway…)

It’s a useless thought. Especially useless, since he wants Saeran to be with no one but him.

(Ugh…)

As Saeran himself just mentioned, Saeyoung isn’t even single. Making thoughts like this even more useless, _and_ more disgusting.

“Hmm… well, you remember how they vanished before, right? It certainly wasn’t an easy beginning. And… a relationship that’s only online has… its own kind of obstacles.”

The heroine’s birthday arrives again. Shu’s affection high enough that at the end of their latest date, he shyly presents her with a gift. A bronze necklace, with a pendant shaped like a bird.

> Shu: …I just happened to see this, and it reminded me of some of the things you wear, is all.
> 
> Shu: And, you’re a little like… a bird… the way you…
> 
> Shu: A…anyway…
> 
> Shu: You spent your birthday with me…
> 
> Shu: So it’s only fair
> 
> Heroine: Oh! You knew it was my birthday!
> 
> Shu: I-it’s in the council member spreadsheet! It’s up there for anyone to see, you know!
> 
> Shu: So, I was surprised when you…
> 
> Shu: Anyway.
> 
> Shu: …I’ll see you at school.
> 
> Shu: Happy birthday…

Saeyoung picks up the conversation again, falling silent during the scene with Shu. “Ah, but, with my relationship… they’re actually very kind. And interesting… they make me laugh… but yes… there are obstacles, too. Any relationship will have those…”

Not knowing Meta’s age or gender or looks really didn’t bother Saeyoung all that much, when all he cared about was the way he felt when he was with them.

Though it might be easier to drown out his feelings for Saeran if he could… reach out, and…

“Not being able to touch them… it’s okay, but sometimes that can be hard… I…”

His brother surely doesn’t want to hear about Saeyoung’s touch-starved feelings. If anything, it’ll only put pressure on him that Saeyoung absolutely wants to avoid, both as a loving brother and as someone who might enjoy those touches too much…

Better to change the subject.

“What about you…? Do you… really think… what you said before? That… you don’t want to be in a romantic relationship?”

His feelings about this are conflicted, to say the least. But he wants to understand Saeran better…

**Saeran**

(...I walked into that one.)

Asking such a personal question gives implicit permission for someone else to do the same. It's common sense.

Saeran pauses, thinking carefully how to answer. The game momentarily neglected, now that the sweet moment between Shu and the heroine is over...

Their own love lives now the subject of interest.

"I never said... I don't want that."

It may be nit-picking, but to Saeran it's an important distinction.

"But you said it yourself. A relationship has obstacles. And that means they need to understand you..." Except there's more involved than mere understanding, when it comes to Saeran. "They... need to be patient when there’s times they don't understand, too... And it requires a lot of trust..."

He stops himself. Knowing he's describing what he already has, with Saeyoung. Knowing not every relationship works that way, too - this game is evidence enough. "Or that's how it should be if you plan to be serious, right? Willingness is important. Since you'll be getting close to one another... And comfortable..."

Unconsciously, Saeran grips at his arm. Feeling vulnerable and awkward.

"I can't do any of that with anyone," he finishes. There's no way Saeran is capable of trusting someone to cope with his baggage, or be comfortable enough around to let his barriers down. His own twin brother, _who he's in love with_ , comes the closest... Saeran is certainly willing, and has no interest in anyone else.

But Saeyoung still hasn't managed to break past Saeran's barriers. Some for good reason, others less so.

Which is exactly why Saeran began his LOLOL plan in the first place. Even before he realised just how _much_ he wanted from his twin.

And, it’s working. Their relationship in LOLOL is going well. It meets all the standards, from Saeyoung's description.

(So why isn't it enough? Why am I still dissatisfied?)

(Is it because... of what Saeyoung just said... that we can't touch?)

There must be a way around that. Surely.

So why does his heart ache?

Staring at the TV screen, Saeran comes to a realisation.

Not the one he _wants_ , but a realisation, nevertheless.

(Shu... talks like Saeyoung does around me sometimes... when he's trying to hold back.)

It's a tactic Saeyoung had adopted to avoid overwhelming his brother. A tactic Saeran finds frustrating, one he went onto LOLOL in order to circumvent.

But in its own way...

It's charming.

Saeran can see that now.

(Ah.)

... It may be reaching to think that way, and to take it like that... But it does make Saeran's heart flutter to know it could come from love. No matter what kind.

**Saeyoung**

(...I could love you like that...)

Saeyoung winces even as he thinks it.

(He's your brother, and you're not single.)

But...

(If... if I _could_ have him... and I had to choose between them...)

It's a dangerous, painful, horrible, wrong question.

Because of course, he knows the answer before he's even finished thinking the question.

He'd even said as much to Meta.

No one was more important to him than his brother.

Not even a lover...

(...maybe I shouldn't be with anyone, either, given I feel this way. It’s unfair to the other person.)

Because surely... your lover... should be... your true one and only… right?

Was Saeran right, after all? Is Saeyoung settling, because he can’t have who he wants most?

After all, he jumped into a romance only after a couple months of talking... Meta offering everything he wanted from Saeran...

(No... it's not just that... I like them as a person, too... it’s not just as a substitute for him…)

(So then, why...?)

Saeyoung swallows, thickly.

Asking his brother things like this was dangerous. But…

(I want to know everything on your mind... I want to understand you... I want to...)

"...to be with you," he murmurs under his breath, too emotional to keep his thoughts in.

(Ah...)

(Ah…!!!)

He stutters, trying to reel back in his words before he truly was exposed for the hypocrite he is. “Uhm... I... know it’s not the same, but...!“

(It is the same. Painfully, painfully the same.)

"...ah..."

He flexes his fingers, realising he's been holding the controller so tightly it’s making his knuckles white.

"...I always want to be with you. I know that isn't... what you... but, to me, more than anyone, I... "

Now he's even sounding like Shu to himself.

And it’s sounding an awful lot like a confession.

He's too self-aware, now, to pretend to himself that what he means is anything else...

This is dangerous.

(I can't say things like this. I can't.)

Sometimes under pressure, these twins can behave similarly, after all. Because...

"Uhm. Actually. I just gotta do something quick. Can you look after Shu for a minute?"

He can't let his brother see how close he is to crying because of his stupid, stupid, _stupid_ urges.

And stupider words.

**Saeran**

Saeyoung doesn't mean it that way. It's obvious. Unlike Shu, the only reason Saeyoung is stumbling over his words is because he realises exactly how he sounds this time. Backtracking, so that Saeran doesn't get the wrong idea.

Logically, Saeran knows all this.

That small part of him, the that continues to hope no matter what, whispers in his ear anyway.

(Look... you could... you can...)

"I know," he says to himself, but it comes out as a response to Saeyoung.

And in a way, he does.

Because Saeyoung would always put his brother first. Saeran no longer believes the lies he was told about his twin. Knows that if he played his cards right, Saeyoung would do whatever Saeran desired.

After all. He already is on LOLOL, without even realising it.

But that's as far as Saeran could let himself go. Manipulating his twin any further would be a hollow victory.

(I should be grateful for what I've got. It’s already more than I deserve.)

Their circumstances are bittersweet, but Saeran finds himself smiling.

"All I need is to be with you, too."

**Saeyoung**

(That's...)

Saeyoung had already begun to stand, controller placed to one side. Intending to hide in the bathroom until his emotions calmed down. Just a few minutes to centre himself.

But now he finds himself unable to leave. Motionless, except for his heart, which is beating so fast it hums.

The note it hums is sweet...

So sweet...

(That's exactly what Meta told me...)

(Meta...)

He can't deny it any longer.

In Meta... he's chasing his brother's shadow.

The things he wants from Saeran...

The words he wants to hear...

His knees are weak. He lets himself fall back to the couch, resting his head over the cushions so that his chin is tilted up. Staring towards the ceiling.

It's the only way the tears will stay in his eyes.

Not that they're unhappy tears.

If he could read Saeran's thoughts, he'd agree on the emotion completely.

Bittersweet.

"Hah..." he says, rubbing his hoodie sleeve over his face. "Saying things like that..."

Saeyoung smiles up at the ceiling, swallowing once more, getting back the modicum of control he needs.

Because if he doesn’t get these feelings under control now, he might well pin Saeran down like he'd done the day he realised how he really felt about his twin. Only this time, he wouldn’t be holding back his kisses. Or his tears.

He should get up. He should leave. But…

"I can't even run so far as to the next room, if you say things like that... haha..."

He wants to turn his head and look at his twin so badly. But it feels like his truths are written so plainly across his face, even a single look would be a confession.

"What if I told you I wanted more than that?"

The words come out so matter of fact, he doesn't even recognise his own voice for a second.

It's like he can't stop talking.

(As long as I don't admit that some of my feelings are romantic... can’t I at least be honest about how he makes me feel with those words?)

He shuts down all thoughts, both for and against.

There’s too much inside him pushing him to speak. He can’t keep it in.

"When you say things like that... I want to hold you and never let go... I want to rest my head on your shoulder and tell you over and over... that you're the most precious person... who deserves to be loved by everyone..."

He exhales. It might not be the whole truth, but saying it felt good. Like the pressure inside him has at least been released enough that he can survive a little longer.

"That's... just how it is. "

**Saeran**

For a second, Saeran is nigh convinced that Saeyoung returns his feelings. It isn't a new experience - just one he's used to analysing, and ultimately rejecting. Aware that sometimes, Saeyoung got carried away.

But he still yearns to believe it, even when his brother can hardly look at him. In fact, that's the tipping point.

(If he won't look at me... then...)

(Then...!)

Restraint reaching its end, Saeran watches himself tug Saeyoung to his side. Ensures his brother's head is tucked into his shoulder, while his other hand grasps the closest of Saeyoung's. It takes all Saeran’s remaining willpower not to bring that hand to his lips and dot kisses along each and every finger.

"H... how's this?"

The waver in Saeran's voice could be mistaken for shyness, rather than the result of his internal struggle against desire.

**Saeyoung**

The same struggle now facing Saeyoung.

His fingers slip themselves even further between his twin’s. Holding as much as he's being held.

(If I turned my head right now…)

He could easily kiss his brother’s neck. Worse, he can almost justify doing it, too. But if he lets himself kiss there, he doesn’t know if he can stop.

His breath is hot against Saeran's shoulder.

(I'm...!)

His other arm...

He moves it to Saeran's waist. Feels his fingers curl around it, tugging Saeran closer. His body doesn’t quite feel like it’s his own, like this is a bream, but. But, no. This _is_ real. He’s here, and he’s holding Saeran… Saeran is holding him…! He breathes in, chin still pressed against Saeran’s shoulder. His senses overwhelmed with his twin’s gentle scent… and his warmth…

(I'm... so in love with you, Saeran...)

"That's... good..." he breathes, almost afraid if he does this while illusion will shatter.

"Saeran..."

How can he disguise the longing, the love in his voice?

He can't.

He can only hope he doesn't give his twin the right impression.

"...you're the most precious..." he murmurs over his twin's shoulder.

"You deserve to be loved by everyone..."

The hand at Saeran's waist...

...he raises it to stroke at Saeran's hair, fingers then trailing down, caressing the curve of head to neck.

"I can only find happiness because you're here in the world at my side..."

It's all too hard. If he can't let these emotions out with kisses, then it has to be with tears. So, Saeran's shoulder gets a little damper.

"You deserve more happiness than anyone... you deserve the stars, the sky, the universe... Saeran... Saeran... I... never want to spend a day without you ever again... ever... "

**Saeran**

The emotion is so strong that Saeran is rendered speechless. The words echoing in his ears all way down to his heart.

_Thump_

He's hyper aware of Saeyoung's breath as he speaks. The placement of his fingers. The rawness of his voice.

_Thump_

And most of all... The tension.

So thick between them that it's no wonder Saeran can barely breathe.

_Thump_

But what is that noise? Is he imagining it? Like he's imagining the romantic overtures of his brother's speech?

_Thump_

 (Oh.)

(I know what this is.)

Slowly, as if rushing it will destroy the moment, Saeran raises Saeyoung's hand to place it over his heart.

"Listen..." he croaks, "our hearts are one... hyung."

What more needs to be said?

**Saeyoung**

(Oh...)

(Oh...!)

He's right...

Their hearts...

Are beating in perfect rhythm.

Fast, and deep, and aligned like they were designed by the most masterful watchmaker, each perfectly keeping time.

"...I hear them..." he manages, but it comes out almost like a sob.

His face must really look awful at this point, not that he's thinking about that.

All that's in his head...

_Thump_

Is that same, shared sound.

(No one else...)

(No one else could ever compare to you...)

"It's beautiful..."

(You're beautiful...)

**Saeran**

The comment gets a bright smile from Saeran, like he's seen a rare bloom in a garden. Or perhaps his smile is the flower, blossoming as it is over his face? And all in spite of the tears rolling down his cheeks too.

(Am I crying because of Saeyoung, or because I'm that moved?)

Saeran doesn't know. Maybe both.

(It doesn't matter... None of it does, as long as I have this heartbeat.)

He squeezes Saeyoung's hand wistfully. Never wanting this moment to end.

The universe has other ideas.

Having been left idle so long, the console beeps in alarm. Saeran jumps, startled out of the moment.

"Oh... Um... Did you want to keep playing?"

**Saeyoung**

(...ah.)

The console's warning that its power-saving features will kick in soon, shutting it down - and they haven't saved in a while.

Still on Saeran's shoulder, Saeyoung chuckles, a little wistful.

"I kind of want to say 'to hell with it' and let it shut down... but... I'd like to finish playing it... with you."

That last part is the most important.

"Although, I think I might need to wash my face first... hah."

He pulls away, enough to see Saeran's face, too.

(I love you so much... I shouldn't be so happy to see these tears... but...)

Even after crying, Saeran's face is so lovely. So sweet...

The hand that Saeyoung had been stroking Saeran's hair with now goes to his brother's face... swiping his thumb over the apple of one cheek, then the other. The salt water trickles down his thumb, then over his wrist, before becoming just a damp line.

(I want to tell him to close his eyes... and kiss the tears away from each one.)

But it would be easy, so easy, to follow those twin trails down his brother's face to his lips... Saeyoung would cover them so gently with his own, as Saeran's eyes fluttered open at the sudden, unfamiliar sensation...

But, would it be that unfamiliar?

Saeyoung would kiss him as lightly as that butterfly had... until the tears were gone. Then he'd go deeper...

(...)

All these images skim over the pool of water that is Saeyoung's heart in a single beat.

(Really... so greedy. This is more than I've ever had. I don't have to take his lips, too. Even if... even if they've been saying such sweet things...)

Especially because right now, Saeyoung feels like... if he did it... his brother might not even push him away.

Saeran... looks so vulnerable... like he'd accept any touch from his twin.

Saeyoung could never take advantage of that.

Not to mention. Meta might be okay with him cuddling his brother, but kissing...?

(Stop searching for loopholes…)

The console beeps again, this time indicating that shutdown will commence in thirty seconds.

"Haah... don't want to lose our place..."

He takes his hand from where it still hovers by his brother's face, and leans out to poke at the controller with a finger. It moves the analogue stick enough that the console recognises the activity, and resets the timer.

All the while not letting go of his twin's other hand. Because...

"Uhm… Saeran…? Would you… come with me...? Let's freshen up… and top up our drinks… and then we can finish this story..."

He squeezes Saeran's hand. "If it's too much... I'll stop... but... if you'll allow it... just, at least for now... just for a little while longer... stay by my side? Like... at the nocturnal house..."

Right now, their mood is neither day or night. So, can't they share some in-between space together, soft and quiet and just for them, away from the rest of the world?

**Saeran**

Saeran inhales slowly, then exhales out somewhat shakily. Nodding his assent.

He doesn't want to stop either, but...

(A break to wash our faces... that sounds good.)

Otherwise he may be overly tempted to act in ways he shouldn't, in this strange, liminal space between them.

Like there's a string connecting them, Saeran rises when Saeyoung rises, and he shadows his twin through the house. Hands clasped tight until they reach the sink, but even after they let go to wash their faces, they're still connected in other ways. Thigh... bicep...

There's so little space between them. Saeran scrubs at his own face vigorously.

Neither of them have spoken since Saeran accepted Saeyoung’s emotional invitation. It's almost spooky how easy it is to move around each other without words.

(It's like when we were kids...)

Back then, there were plenty of times like this. Their mother liable to snap if either so much as squeaked, so they navigated and played as they could through some innate understanding shared only between them both.

(Ah... it's weirdly nostalgic.)

**Saeyoung**

(So nostalgic...)

(Never thought I'd be grateful for anything about our childhood, other than Saeran being in it, but...)

Even after years of separation, and in a totally different environment... this all feels so familiar.

Acting together... doing small tasks together... it might have been developed as a survival mechanism, but here, it’s only sweet. The only punishment they risked was what resided in their own thoughts.

But Saeyoung doesn't feel guilty, for once, or afraid.

This... is only natural. Like this, he can share his love, while still keeping it platonic. Just as he’s been trying so hard to do. Recalling their childhood helps.

For the first time since he realised his feelings for his brother, he feels completely at peace with himself.

He loves Saeran, and that's just how it is. He can accept it, and let the feeling flow through him without despair, at least for now.

As they finally settle back on the couch together, Saeran seems peaceful, too.

So Saeyoung doesn't move away. Instead, even as he takes back the controller, he's shuffling even closer, so that the line between their bodies is unbroken - shoulder to hip to thigh.

A warm, soft line with hazy boundaries.

For now... for now, this is okay.

They can both... accept this.

And they continue the game.

Shu's trust in them is growing, and when the heroine spots him talking to an unfamiliar adult - Shu apparently cornering the man as he left the school building - their love interest doesn't immediately push them away when they approach.

> Shu: Ah... it's you...
> 
> Shu: I must have looked pretty strange then.
> 
> For once, he meets the heroine's eyes.
> 
> Shu: You don't know about the Student Council, do you?
> 
> Shu: I have to become the President... no matter what.
> 
> Shu: It’s the only way I can uncover the truth about what happened two years ago...
> 
> Shu: I won't... ask you not to run, if you want to run
> 
> Shu: But, it's not the position you might think it is...
> 
> Shu: And I... don't want you to be hurt because of things other people have done.
> 
> Shu: [Heroine]...
> 
> Shu: I...
> 
> Shu: You're the only one I can trust right now
> 
> Shu: So please...
> 
> Shu: Trust me about the Council...
> 
> Shu: And don't... don't listen to Ryo

**Saeran**

Their closeness still feels so natural, Saeran isn’t even distracted from the game. Finding himself drawn in as soon as Saeyoung resumes playing.

Saeran isn’t convinced by the way Shu is setting Ryo up as a villain, though. They've seen nothing to implicate him.

The only way to find out the truth is to keep playing, though.

"What do you think is going on?" he asks Saeyoung, finally breaking the silence.

It's... normal.

Sitting here, so close to each other. Casually talking about a game they're playing.

(Is it because we ended up crying, that we can both relax like this now?)

**Saeyoung**

Their tears have led Saeyoung to feel cathartic and light, that’s for sure.

He'll cry as many times as he needs to, if only they can be like this more often. Maybe it won't even need tears, next time. He can only wait, and see what happens from here.

"Hmmm... well," he replies, choosing a weekly activity for the heroine in between scenes, "to get a little meta... Ryo can't be truly a bad guy, given he's romancable. This isn't the kind of game that sets you up with someone irredeemable. So, there must be more to it than Shu thinks..."

The comfort and warmth of his brother is so natural at this moment, he almost forgets they're touching. Only to be gently reminded of it as he feels his twin's resulting 'hmm' through his arm.

"It could be a misunderstanding, maybe..."

They're now in the second year of the game, so...

"If this thing happened two years ago, Ryo would only have just become part of the council himself. Maybe something bad happened and he's just being tarred by association with the real culprits..."

They reach the sports festival for this year. New mini games are available, and... the basketball hoop one lets kinda lends itself to being played by two people... one controlling the angle, the other the speed, having to time their button press for the ideal throw window.

He nudges Saeran.

"We could do this one together..." he suggests, explaining the idea.

**Saeran**

Saeran sees no reason not to. He shrugs and agrees, reaching for the controller with one hand.

Considering they're both perfectionists that learn quickly, combined they soon dominate the game. The only distraction is how close their hands are. If it wasn't for the keen focus on the competition, Saeran would be tempted to take Saeyoung's in his own, again.

Naturally, after they dominate the festival, all their potential love interests are impressed. Shu seems to even respect the heroine more than ever as a rival.

Neither of them had wound up becoming the Student Council Vice-President this year, though Ryo has succeeded in becoming President. Saeran wonders if they’d have made it into the supporting role, if their academic stats were just a _little_ higher…

**Saeyoung**

As the second school year progresses, so does their relationship with Shu. The way he warms up over the next couple months is satisfying. Especially how the “warming up” feels more like Shu finally becoming more honest, rather than being convinced to fall in love.

Saeyoung envies that.

Not that Shu was necessarily in love with them at first. But his curiosity has turned to fascination… and now…

They call him up for another date, and he answers within a single ring.

> Shu: Ah, good morning!
> 
> Shu: Did you need any help with the school festival flyers?
> 
> Shu: Or…
> 
> Shu: Did you want to…?
> 
> Heroine: I thought we could go look at the autumn leaves at the park this Sunday… they’re pretty this time of year.
> 
> Shu: Okay.
> 
> Shu: I’ll be there. Make sure you dress warm, okay?
> 
> Shu: The weather’s already getting cooler… you don’t want to get sick before the festival.

The day of their date arrives, and while Shu is the first to arrive, his greeting has certainly come a long way from their first date.

> Shu: Oh! You’re here!
> 
> Heroine: …I hope you didn’t wait long!
> 
> Shu: It’s okay… I don’t mind waiting…
> 
> Shu: I’d feel bad if you were the one who had to wait… so.
> 
> Shu: Ah… you look…
> 
> His sprite blushes, and he looks away.
> 
> Shu: You’re still wearing it… even now

The heroine is indeed wearing the necklace Shu gifted her on her birthday.

> Shu: It really does suit you…
> 
> Shu: I’m happy you like it that much.

He’s sweeter throughout the rest of the date, too, holding back much less than before.

And then, they apparently manage to up his affection enough over this date that by the time it ends, he’s moved up to the penultimate tier of affection. Which means Shu will walk them home.

> Shu: It’s already dark…
> 
> Shu: I’ll take you home.
> 
> Heroine: Ah, but don’t you live in the other direction from the station? It’s okay…
> 
> Shu: I don’t mind. I don’t want to worry about you.
> 
> Shu: I mean!
> 
> Shu: Someone like you… who knows what could happen on your own.
> 
> Shu: Someone could… could kidnap you!
> 
> Shu: …
> 
> Shu: I… I mean… you’re too friendly… someone could just come up to you and you wouldn’t even suspect them at all, would you?
> 
> Shu: So…
> 
> Shu: Just hold onto my hand, okay?

Saeyoung can’t help but sneak a glimpse at his twin, now that they’re about to start that touching sequence again.

**Saeran**

Now that they’re past his initial cold front, Saeran appreciates Shu and his affections. It reminds him of Saeyoung fussing, in the best way.

He glances to Saeyoung surreptitiously, but their timing is uncanny.

(Oh... we're really on the same wavelength.)

It lasts only an instant, Saeran breaking their gaze to look back towards to TV. Very aware at how his heart rate picked up in that one moment.

Speaking of high heart rates…

"...this again."

He expects it by now, but experiencing this sort of game event while situated so close to his twin does give him a slight sense of dread. Turning his eyes back to Saeyoung, Saeran meets his gaze steadily this time.

"Please control yourself."

His heart... and other areas... have already been through enough doing this with Kaito.

**Saeyoung**

(We matched again…)

He wants to wriggle with pleasure at it, even as his heart fights its way back down his throat at that brief shared glance.

“…I’ll be gentle with him,” Saeyoung promises.

And he is. After all, it is still a little early to be pushing Shu, if they don’t want to take a small hit to his friendship level.

Shu’s responses are still cute… and appealing… but Saeyoung doesn’t drive him over the edge.

> Shu, smiling: Ah…
> 
> Shu: That tickles… I’ll get you back for that.

So, they flirt lightly all the way home. But, unlike the other times they’ve done this… rather than saying goodbye at the door…

> Shu: You!!
> 
> Ryo just… _happens_ to be standing around by the heroine’s house.
> 
> Ryo: Oh, [Heroine]-swaaan~ I was hoping I’d see you!”
> 
> Ryo: Ah, Shu. What’re you doing here?
> 
> Shu: I COULD ASK YOU THE SAME THING
> 
> Ryo: Just stopped by to see how our lovely [Heroine]-hime was going with those flyers for the festival… or, haha…
> 
> Ryo: Maybe I was just desperate to see her cute face?
> 
> Shu: That’s sexual harassment
> 
> Ryo: Oh? My apologies, [Heroine]-chyan~
> 
> Ryo: I would never want to make you uncomfortable.
> 
> Ryo: This guy, though… isn’t he standing a little too close to you? Are you okay?
> 
> Shu: …
> 
> Heroine: Shu-kun was walking me home, Ryo-senpai! The flyers are all done, too!
> 
> Ryo: Oh, that’s nice, good job you two~
> 
> Ryo: But if you ever need an escort, lovely lady, I’ll happily take you off his hands~
> 
> Shu: She’s not!! Some burden to be passed around!
> 
> Ryo: Whatever gave you that idea?
> 
> Ryo: I never said she was a burden.
> 
> Ryo: Maybe that’s just _you_ , Shu-kun…
> 
> Ryo heads off into the night, looking completely unperturbed.
> 
> Shu: …
> 
> Shu: …I’m sorry.
> 
> Shu: I don’t think you’re a burden at all.
> 
> Shu: …he just makes me angry.
> 
> Heroine: Why… do you two fight so much? You’re always angry with Ryo.
> 
> Shu: You… do… do you… like him?
> 
> Shu: Ah…
> 
> Shu: I don’t want to know.
> 
> Shu: I’m too scared to know.
> 
> Shu: I’ll talk to you another time, okay? I’ll wait until your front door shuts…
> 
> Shu: I… I can tell you about my reasons another time… if you want to hear them.
> 
> Shu: I just don’t want you to get hurt by this as well…

Saeyoung has a choice to tell Shu that they’re interested in Ryo… or that they aren’t.

> Heroine: I’m not interested in dating Ryo-senpai…
> 
> Shu: Oh…!
> 
> Shu: Good!!
> 
> Shu: Uhm…
> 
> Shu: Okay, then.
> 
> Shu: That’s… good.
> 
> Shu: You deserve a much better man than him…
> 
> Shu: Well… goodnight, then…

**Saeran**

The heroine and Shu part ways, thus ending the event.

After seeing Ryo's behaviour, Saeran is starting to see why Saeyoung had such a problem.

"...He’s probably better in his route, but interfering like that to flirt with the heroine in front of Shu..."

It was cruel. Especially when the heroine's and Shu's interest was obvious.

Chances were Shu was a bad guy in Ryo's route though. No doubt they brought out some of the worst in each other.

...Though, on the other hand...

"But the heroine is the most to blame here for leading so many guys on." There's no avoiding that, when it's essentially a game mechanic.

Saeran sighs.

"Well, we'll get answers soon."

And find out who's won their bet.

**Saeyoung**

"We can also blame the underlying assumption here that people can't spend time in the company of others of their sexual preference for more than like...” Saeyoung counts silently on his fingers for a moment “…eight outings before developing a crush."

It was a common problem with trying to translate things like this into a structured game format, with so many different options for romance, and the need to present a challenge to the player at the same time. "And it must be hard to be a girl that just genuinely wants to be friends with all these guys... we've spent time with Ryo, sure, but, we never chose any romantic answers or actions towards him..."

It's complicated.

They progress further into the year, and Shu finally lays out the source of his problem for the heroine.

A teacher who Shu had admired deeply in early high school, even considered as a mentor, had been blackmailed by members of the Student Council a couple years ago. As far as Shu was concerned, the blackmail was over something totally fabricated. But its ultimate result was to force that teacher to quit his job.

Young Shu was desperate to help... and the only way he could think of was to get into a position of power on the Student Council himself, and then find the falsified records... or anything else that he could use to clear the teacher's name and expose the students who had been involved.

Ryo had been on the Council then, so Shu doesn't trust him... plus, his personality is near-identical to the Student Council President that had tormented his teacher.

Meanwhile, the heroine had initially garnered Shu’s suspicion because she shared her surname with the President who had lead the blackmailing against his teacher. Lived in the same area, too. So Shu had wondered if she was the blackmailer’s sister, and in on it, too. Cut from the same cloth.

But the more he learned about her, the more he realised she wasn’t like that person, at all.

> Shu: Guys like that... use their popularity and their social skills to have their way
> 
> Shu: Guys like me...
> 
> Shu: I'm not popular...
> 
> Shu: I don't know how to make other people feel at ease around me...
> 
> Shu: But... I can work hard

Both twins are glued to the screen, as each truth drops.

> Shu: And if I don't do this...
> 
> Shu: An innocent person's life will stay ruined
> 
> Shu: Someone who helped me a lot.
> 
> Heroine: I don't think Ryo... is like that.
> 
> Heroine: Maybe he could help us, now that he's the president? You could help your mentor a whole year earlier!

Saeyoung wonders how this would play out, if they hadn't found out this information while Ryo was still at their school. They're headed into a particular ending branch, for sure.

> Shu: I...
> 
> Shu: I don't like that he... that you...
> 
> Shu: To me, you're...
> 
> Shu: ...
> 
> Shu: If we go to him, and he was involved... it could be trouble.
> 
> Heroine: Then, let's find out more!
> 
> Heroine: I'll help you!
> 
> Heroine: Let's solve this together, Shu!

This gets them a CG of the heroine leaning forward to grip both Shu's hands, Shu blushing and looking into her eyes, caught up in the moment.

It's... very sweet. Cheesy, but also very, very sweet.

**Saeran**

Saeran already identified a lot with Shu, albeit not in the best way. This plot point is really driving that feeling home. Cheesy CG and all.

"...So far so good." Saeran observes.

There's no jumping the plot shark just yet.

**Saeyoung**

Now whenever they choose to study, a cute chibi version of Shu appears beside the heroine, holding up a sleuthing magnifying glass. Implying their study sessions aren't just about schoolwork.

When a study session is successful, Shu smiles and the magnifying glass glints, while the heroine pumps her fist into the air. A failed session similarly indicated by the magnifying glass breaking, and the heroine burying her face in her books.

Within a few weeks they trigger a scene with Ryo, after determining he might be trustworthy after all.

Shu swallows his pride, and asks for help – and, to their relief, it seems that Ryo was oblivious about the blackmail event entirely, although he remembers the teacher that left.

> Ryo: Oh, is this why you’ve always been so thorny, Shu-kyun~
> 
> Shu: …do not call me that.

With Ryo’s help, they’re able to find out the information they need – and there’s a CG of Shu looking absolutely, unabashedly happy as his old teacher greets him, name cleared at last.

After this, though… Shu admits to the heroine he doesn’t know what he wants to do now. The last two years, all he’d cared about was gaining the position on the Student Council and then making things right.

Now, he doesn’t have to do any of those things any more. And he has no interest in becoming the President now that his mentor is able to teach again.

> Heroine: Then, what else makes you passionate, Shu? What else do you believe in?
> 
> Shu: What makes me passionate…
> 
> Shu: There is something…

Of course, the way he looks at the heroine as he says this goes completely over her head, because there are ways these things are done.

> Heroine: Then… I’ll support you a hundred percent!
> 
> Heroine: Whatever you want to do… whatever makes you happy…
> 
> Shu: You…
> 
> Shu: …
> 
> Shu: Thank you…
> 
> Shu: I hope you will… because, it’s only you, who could…
> 
> Shu: …
> 
> Shu: Maybe one day soon, I can tell you more about it…

They never have to call up Shu for dates any more.

He’s always the one calling first.

And while he’s still holding back, it’s hard to ignore the affection in his every word and awkward blush. His look of complete pride and admiration, as the heroine achieves her professed dream of becoming the Student Council President in their third year. Which only gives them both more excuses to spend time together.

Soon enough, they’ve maxed out Shu’s affection. Their date, a walk along a snowy beach, goes perfectly. The two huddling together the entire time.

And now, for the walk home…

Saeyoung’s been good…

And, given their affection is at maximum… Shu won’t be upset if they take things a little further than usual…

He starts out with light touches, and every reaction from Shu is only encouraging... and longing.

**Saeran**

Saeran feels that longing almost as keenly. It doesn't help that he's felt similar barely an hour earlier.

"...it's fine... to give him what he wants..." he mumbles, going pink again. Just as awkward as Shu.

(I can't… but _he_ can.)

**Saeyoung**

(Why…)

Why does hearing something like that from Saeran feel so…

(…it’s not _Saeran_ consenting to being touched like that…)

Even so.

Saeyoung swallows. He can’t help but think of his brother… saying something like that to him… (‘It’s fine, hyung… if you want to… give me more…’)

What had felt tempting as a titillation now feels like foreplay for an act he can’t allow himself to complete. Still, he increases the heroine’s playful touches, Shu’s blush deepening by the second. Until -

> Shu: ….!

What is communicated as just punctuation on the screen is all-too powerfully shared through the game’s audio: Shu’s sharp intake of breath, and the sound of fabric being seized…

Is he grabbing her shoulders? Her arms?

> Shu: A…ah, I didn’t mean to grab you like that.

He exhales with a shaky breath.

> Shu: No… I did… I wanted to do more than that. I wanted to…
> 
> Shu: I’m sorry.
> 
> Shu: I’m meant to be protecting you right now
> 
> Shu: But I want the same thing from you… as those weird guys out there…
> 
> Shu: I want to… gather you up into my arms and take you home with me, too…
> 
> Shu: [Heroine]…
> 
> Shu: Do you know how happy you make me every time your hands reach out for me?

They have an option to respond – the choice seems fairly obvious. Though either could probably wind up with a steamy response.

> [I hope it’s as happy as I feel, doing it…] or
> 
> [I don’t understand… what do you mean?]

Saeyoung chooses the sweeter option, telling Shu it makes him happy too.

Conscious of how much warmer his twin feels beside him, their bodies still touching.

> Shu: You really mean that, don’t you?
> 
> Shu: You’re so honest…
> 
> Shu: It takes all my energy not to just devour you…
> 
> Shu: S…sorry… that was a little much.
> 
> Shu: But… I won’t sweep you away today. Not today.
> 
> Shu: Let’s take you home.
> 
> Shu: And, if you still want to be swept away later… after graduation.
> 
> Shu: [Heroine…] I’ll take you as far as you want to go.

Saeyoung... struggles not to imagine every word in Saeran's voice.

**Saeran**

Saeran wishes he could say those words. Dearly desires to be in Shu’s place.

It almost feels like he is, as if he's vicariously telling Saeyoung how he feels through the screen.

Only the game rating ensures that it goes no further, too.

"Too bad."

The words are out of his mouth before his mind catches up, Saeran immediately mortified as soon as he hears himself.

"Uhh –  I mean... You can tell the writers were really forced to hold back..." he follows up, lamely.

**Saeyoung**

Saeyoung’s inclined to agree.

He wants to see Shu make good on his promise. To devour them.

Although, if he’s being honest, it’s not Shu he wants to see doing it…

“…some games let you go all the way.”

(…)

…now he just sounds like a perv. “Uhm… but yes. They’re doing the best they can with those limitations… to make the player feel the passion of their lover, without… taking it beyond the rating…”

Keen to redirect the attention from himself, he adds, “…that doesn’t count as a cop-out, though… I can almost taste the popcorn in my mouth… maybe I’ll take a sleepover selfie of us printed and wear it in a locket ‘round my neck~”

The teasing helps him come down a little from his earlier state. It was… pleasurable, mentally replacing each of Shu’s lines with Saeran’s voice, but if he wasn’t careful, he’d work himself up too much, and… getting a hard-on playing a dating sim would be too, too embarrassing. Especially given he wouldn’t be able to explain himself.

**Saeran**

To be fair, Saeran is feeling hot under the collar too.

Saeyoung talking about his mouth and neck doesn't help, despite it being in an entirely innocent context.

"What would count as a cop-out at this stage?" Saeran wonders, shifting his focus to that subject. Any further dwelling on other details would get him in an even more uncomfortable situation than losing a bet.

"Ryo was evil after all?"

Unlikely.

**Saeyoung**

“Oh, that’d be a good candidate for a cop-out! Or… maybe if new evidence came out, revealing that the mentor character really _was_ bad all along. That’d be a bit cruel, given we put so much effort in with Shu…”

It does seem unlikely. “Still, who knows. They waited all the way until graduation to invalidate our choice to be with Kaito despite being related to him… her bravery and dedication just made meaningless in a single line.”

Saeyoung pauses. “Well… that’s not fair of me… it wasn’t a meaningless choice at the time we made it. But it was a weak way to ensure a ‘happily ever after…’ I’d be more impressed if they worked hard to stay together, than have their problems magically solved… like I was saying with Shu… facing both the sweet and the painful times together…”

He’s rambling. Though, it’s okay, as they’re just moving through some end-game final sprints for raising their stats – Shu seems to value intelligence and social skills the most when it comes to stat challenges, so Saeyoung’s making sure those are as high as can be before graduation.

**Saeran**

"You're really taking it personally..." Saeran observes. Not that he can talk.

For better or for worse, Kaito's route was an eye opener in a number of ways. Shu's was too, but Saeran isn't finding it as powerful...

Or that may simply be his own bias. The rest of Shu's story seems straightforward, with no room for variance. The next few months is spent with him and the heroine supporting the Council and each other, Shu deciding to see things through to the end before embarking on a new journey of self-discovery.

**Saeyoung**

(...yeah. I am. _And_ I'm fishing...) Saeyoung admits to himself.

Fishing to hear more on what Saeran thought of what had been, at least briefly, an incestuous relationship. After all, he’d called Saeyoung’s name that one time in the shower… even if he’d been angry with his brother at the time, does that mean Saeran could…?

Though. Even if Saeran condoned fictional incest, even _fantasised_ about it, that’s not the same as being okay with it in reality, at all.

So Saeyoung shouldn’t think about it any further.

Besides.

Graduation day is finally here.

Unlike Kaito, Shu is waiting outside the old chapel, grasping the heroine's hand as she approaches the door.

> Shu: [Heroine…]
> 
> Shu: I was worried you wouldn’t come…
> 
> Shu: I don’t believe in legends… that telling you how I feel here will cast some spell.
> 
> Shu: I… want you to hear my feelings and trust them not because of some old story…
> 
> Shu: I don’t want a spell to be what makes you answer me…
> 
> Shu: I want to hear from your heart…
> 
> Shu: The thing I want more than anything in the world…
> 
> Shu: [Heroine]… I love you.
> 
> Shu: I can’t even place my finger on the moment when you became the centre of my attention, with every word and gesture
> 
> Shu: It feels difficult to imagine a world where that isn’t true.
> 
> Shu: At first it drove me crazy, how much you fascinated me.
> 
> Shu: Even when I realised you had nothing to do with the blackmail case. I couldn’t stop wondering about you.
> 
> Shu: It was… frustrating to feel so compelled by you… and you didn’t even realise you were doing it!
> 
> Shu: But it became so sweet…
> 
> Shu: Maybe, it was you who cast a spell…
> 
> Shu: By being so kind… so smart… so gentle, even when I was pushing back…
> 
> Shu: [Heroine]…
> 
> Shu: I want you all for myself.
> 
> Shu: I want you… in every way…

The chapel doors open, causing the two characters to be silhouetted again (this definitely smacks of a ratings dodge).

And the two kiss, Shu clasping his arms around the heroine’s waist and drawing her close…

Even just as silhouettes, the hungry way he kisses her, the way she winds up tilting her head backwards, Shu’s lips moving lower…

(J-just how low are they going to let him go?!)

(Though…he did say he wanted to devour her.)

But as he kisses down to her waist, he scoops her up, not taking his mouth any lower. Even silhouettes wouldn’t be able to let them get away with more than that. The two join their lips again, as Shu carries the heroine into the chapel after all… maybe he believes in the legends more than he lets on.

(Or maybe he just wants to lie her down on a pew…) Saeyoung thinks to himself, despite his best efforts. He can feel the temperature rising between his body and Saeran’s again… if he wasn’t struggling so much himself, he’d take pleasure in the thought that Saeran’s as into this as he is.

Even if he can never tell Saeran the full depth of his feelings... sharing this confession together... offers some small relief, even as it challenges him.

**Saeran**

Shu's actions come as no surprise to Saeran. Bottling up your desires inevitably leads to an explosion once it's allowed to be released.

"...since he restrained himself for so long, and so much more than the others... His passion must have built up a lot."

One day, he might be overcome by his own lust too. Today he definitely skirted too close to his own limits.

(Except there's more to it than a physical urge.)

Ignoring the root of the problem does neither of them any favours.

Saeran only wants to touch, and be touched, by Saeyoung. No one else will do.

Because he loves him.

"...he ended up pretty easy to understand. While Kaito had you questioning your future ‘til the end, with Shu you knew what it was all leading up to. A cop out wasn't possible."

It would be nice if his reality could be so easy, and not some strange mish-mash of both routes. Possibly more. They haven't played the others.

"...it's easy to put yourself in this game." Saeran murmurs to himself. "To want that love."

Perhaps it's pointing out the obvious, but he's never been this affected before. Then, recalling that Saeyoung is _right next to him_ , Saeran pulls himself together.

"You should take note," he teases, to distract from how serious he'd gotten. "That's how to sweep your lover off their feet."

Never mind that he was Saeyoung's lover. Technically.

**Saeyoung**

"Oh~? Maybe I should write a report on this, so that all the lessons sink in..."

Saeran's teasing tone is exactly what Saeyoung needs... otherwise those kissing silhouettes are going to really do him in.

Being able to be play like this... For a while, it had felt like he'd been saying all the wrong things to his brother... doing all the wrong things, despite how hard he was trying.

But now, Saeran's teasing him... sitting right _next_ to him... he'd even held his hand... and _him_...

"I... really enjoyed this. And..."

He places the controller to his side, the game credits continuing to roll.

"I can't wait to plan our movie night sleepover~ We can do it any day you like... though, I hope it's soon... I'm already excited just thinking about it!"

**Saeran**

All things considered, it was a good night. Saeran feels like they've made progress too... Though there were some obstacles to tackle.

(It's scary how self-aware a game like this can make you.)

As for the sleepover, he can honestly say he's looking forward to it now, too. "You won this time. Congratulations."

There's a silent 'don't get used to it', as per any siblings that have some sort of rivalry.

"And I'm okay whenever. We live together."

So a sleepover shouldn't require much preparation.

It presents another opportunity to get close to Saeyoung too... Without the uncomfortable sexual tension the game provided.

"It's been fun," he says instead.

And it has.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In the next chapter, Saeran takes some inspiration from the game himself, and in the lead-up to the sleepover, reaches out to Saeyoung in a new way... leading to a discovery that changes everything.
> 
> HHHHHHHH I CAN'T WAIT TO SHARE IT WITH YOU GUYS. NEXT CHAPTERS ARE SO INTENSE. IN A GOOD WAY!!!


	3. Information superiority

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by the confession scenes from Tokiheki, Saeran ends up writing a confession all of his own. Meanwhile, the RFA discuss Saeyoung's possessiveness over his brother... and it leads to Saeyoung revealing something he never thought he'd tell anyone.

**Saeyoung, present time**

It’s late.

It’s late, and Saeyoung is absolutely, one hundred percent awake. The concept of ‘sleep’ feels less realistic than the concept of say, rabbits on the moon.

He can’t stop thinking about Saeran. And Meta.

Even if it's an online-only relationship, is it _really_ fair to Meta to keep dating them, when he has these feelings about Saeran?

(I've known Meta three months... comparing them to my brother... it's unfair.)

And yet he does. He _does_.

(Disgusting. Awful. Cruel.)

Confusing them like this does neither any favours... and it's not the kind of love he and Saeran had admired earlier, in Tokiheki.

These thoughts in mind, Saeyoung drags himself out of bed, giving up on gaining any relief from keeping his eyes shut. Better to do something, than continue to allow his worries to slowly suffocate him in bed.

Somewhat inevitably, that something is LOLOL.

Meta's not there, so Saeyoung is about to set out to level up a few of his job skills, when he notices a single, flashing notification. Star has in-game mail, sent to her by another player.

**Saeran, earlier that evening**

Like Saeyoung, Saeran had gone to bed with a lot on his mind. Playing an romance game with his twin had resulted in a lot of insight... and a lot of pent-up feelings.

It all results in giving him the exact same problem as his brother. But unlike Saeyoung, Saeran gives up on sleep early. Knowing he won’t be able to rest until he finds some kind of release for his emotions.

At first, he pulls out his journal. It’s a habit he’d maintained ever since Saeyoung had gifted him with his first notebook, continued even during his time at Mint Eye. Though he’s never looked back at those older entries. All too aware of how uncomfortable they could make him.

Maybe one day he will.

Regardless, the purpose of the journal was the _act_ of writing, of articulating his thoughts. And years as a hacker had only made him appreciate the relative safety of analogue records more.

Yet as soon as he opens the book, Saeran is stuck staring at the page and tapping his pen against it.

(Where do I start?) Every time he tries to formulate the words, they vanish. All he can think about is the confessions of Kaito and Shu in the game…

Oh.

That's it.

He's stuck… because he wants to say these things to Saeyoung. Not detail them in his journal. And the only way he can do that...

Saeran glances to his PC.

It's a risk. Saeyoung responded positively to the Tokiheki guys’ confessions, but that was after dating in-game for three years. It may be too soon to express similar sentiments, as Meta…

So why is his body already moving?

In no time at all, Saeran's logged in. Unsurprisingly, Star isn't on. Saeyoung had seemed pretty wiped after dinner. Probably, he’s sound asleep already. Mind free of the thoughts currently possessing Saeran.

Still. It’s a good thing. If Star _was_ online, he might not be able to go through with doing this.

He accesses the game’s messaging system. It’s useful for when you want to send someone a note when they’re offline, and you have no other way to contact them. Items can be sent this way, too.

Saeran takes one deep breath in. Exhales slowly. And begins to write.

> Hi Star, I noticed you weren't on...

No.

> Star, I wanted to surprise you...

Better, but still no.

After a few more false starts and heavy editing, Saeran finally comes up with something worth sending:

> Dear Star,
> 
> I missed you tonight, more than any other night... I couldn't stop thinking about you. It's actually driving me a bit crazy. I'm afraid of I let everything go, you'll hate it... Or me... And it gets frustrating sometimes. We've talked about boundaries for a reason. But I wouldn't change how I feel for the world.
> 
> I know that what we have can only exist online. But I'll take what I can get, if what I get is your heart.
> 
> I wonder if you know how amazing you are? No one else can make me this happy.
> 
> Sometimes... It seems you have no idea. Everything you say has a profound effect on me.
> 
> I... love you.
> 
> Maybe it's cowardly to say it this way. Maybe you'll reject me. I understand. But... I do.
> 
> Yours,
> 
> Meta

With another drawn-out sigh, Saeran sits back. Steels his nerves... _almost_ hits send, then thinks twice. Shouldn't he include a gift?

In Tokiheki... that was a reliable way to ensure you increased the affection of the guy you liked. But only if you chose something that was connected to them, in some way.

Opening his inventory, Saeran scrolls through it.. and there it is.

The perfect gift.

One of the violets they collected when they first met.

He attaches it without hesitation, then hits send immediately. Afraid he won't, if he waits any longer.

(I... I did it.)

Already, Saeran can feel how much of a load has lifted from his shoulders.

(I did it.)

Followed quickly by intense anxiety.

(Is there any way to cancel—)

There isn't.

Despairing over his decisions, Saeran shuts down his computer and flops in bed, expression miserable. So much for getting his feelings out as a way to help him sleep. All he’s done is replace repression with dread.

(At... at least... tomorrow... I can tell him... it was a late night attack of sentimentality.)

Something Saeyoung was familiar with. Surely he'll be able to forgive that?

Or will it all be over?

Maybe that's for the best?

"...damn!" Saeran bites into his pillow, thoughts spiralling again.

**Saeyoung, present time**

Anxiety and affection and wonder pass through Saeyoung like gamma rays. He’s falling apart, atom by atom. Glowing with the sweetness of the letter... and sick with the knowledge that he deserves none of it.

(While I was desperately thinking of Saeran's lips, Meta was writing something... like this...)

Could he grow to love Meta? He thinks so.

Does he love Saeran? _Of course_. With every atom. That's why each one in his body is tearing itself apart.

(I can’t log off without responding to this.)

He stares at the violet, heart melting through his chest into the floor.

(Maybe I should just confess my feelings to Saeran… get shot down… close the door on these fevered thoughts forever.)

But... if he was honest with his twin about how he felt, Saeran rightly wouldn't trust him ever again, would he? Once he knew his own brother had such messed-up thoughts…

(But... he did... call my name... in the shower…)

Saeyoung grips the bicep of his opposite arm so tightly the skin turns pale around his fingertips.

It’s impossible. Saeran has balked from his touch so many times. People who suffer trauma and pain seek control through fantasy. It’s a common coping method. And doesn’t that perfectly summarise what Saeyoung has been to his brother in the past? A source of trauma. Pain…

And Saeran had been angry at him.

It’s useless to think of what he heard any other way. And dangerous to hope that he’s wrong.

No. He can’t say anything to Saeran. He needs to focus on Meta. After all, that’s what he’d been doing for the last fortnight. And clearly, Meta has been enjoying it, to respond like this.

So he’s not being a terrible online boyfriend. He can’t control his longings for Saeran, but he _can_ control his actions. And if he continues to pursue Meta, maybe in time these urges towards Saeran would fade?

He tries to ignore the music of each molecule in his body trembling to the lyrics of a shameful song: _you’ve always loved him. You just couldn’t recognise it until now. There’s no going back._

But there's no moving forward, either.

"Ahhhh...!"

He buries his face in his hands, the letter still open on his screen.

(But I have to respond...)

He writes and re-writes in stops and starts, knowing saying too much would be dangerous. Just as saying too little would be.

Eventually, he sits back, and stares at this:

> Dear Meta,
> 
> I couldn't sleep, and so I came online at this weird hour, only to find this sweet message from you.
> 
> I don't actually know how to put what I want to say into words. Even if you were standing in front of me, it's difficult. Even if I used every language I knew, it wouldn't be enough.
> 
> All of your feelings... are so beautiful.
> 
> I don't feel like I deserve them. But I know that's how you've felt about my affection, too. A relationship, especially a new one... for two people to connect, they have to check in regularly, and adapt, and learn more about each other and how they fit together in every situation. By that, I mean... I feel we have much more of that ahead of us, still. There's no walkthrough or one right way to do any of this, and I'm so scared of getting it wrong and hurting you.
> 
> But I want to, with you. I want to do my best for you.
> 
> There's more I'd say, but I don't know if it's good to say it in a letter. I've written and re-written the end of this so many times and none of them felt right.
> 
> But, I hope I can talk with you again soon.
> 
> I want to make you happy.
> 
> ~ Star ☆

He tried to bring up Saeran, only to delete every line about his brother as soon as it was written. If they talk about his twin again, it can't be in a letter. It's just too... too complicated.

Letter sent, he drags himself back to bed. Wrapping his arms around his pillow and wishing it were someone else. Sleep still completely impossible.

(Wonder if anyone’s in the chatroom…)

He picks up his phone.

**Saeran, present time**

One step ahead of his twin yet again, Saeran is already on the messenger. Sleep still an utter impossibility.

He’d hesitated on seeing the names listed as already being present in the chatroom: V, and Jumin. But Saeran finds he can be a little more patient with V when the ex-head of the RFA is being tempered by his partner. Though it’s odd to see them logged in so late.

> V: Saeran!
> 
> V: What are you doing awake?
> 
> V: Is Saeyoung awake too?

(...Right. Ever since things were resolved... he sometimes goes back to calling hyung that way as well.)

It leaves an uneasy feeling in Saeran's stomach he can't voice. He knows it comes across as bitter.

> Saeran: He's asleep.

Or so Saeran thinks.

> V: I see... You should sleep soon too.
> 
> Jumin: You're one to talk.
> 
> [V sweating emote]
> 
> V: The reason I can't sleep is you...

Looks like both of them stayed up drinking again.

**Saeyoung**

When Saeyoung checks the app, he’s surprised to see so many others awake.

Seeing _Saeran’s_ name… (If you’re awake too… I wish I could just go to you in person.) It doesn’t even need to be to fulfil his messed-up longings… he’d be happy just to be in Saeran’s company until he finally drifted off…

Just like they used to.

But those times are long gone. He can’t do that with Saeran any more. But at least he can connect to his twin like this…

He enters the chatroom, curled up around his phone on his bed in the dark.

> 707: hello to u all
> 
> 707: looks like we’re all sleepless tonight lol
> 
> V: Saeyoung, you weren’t asleep yet?
> 
> [V concerned emote]
> 
> V: I’m worried… you haven’t started taking on jobs that require you to stay up all night again, have you?
> 
> Jumin: If there are problems with your employment, my previous offer still stands.
> 
> 707: Jumin lol
> 
> 707: hiring and firing even in the twilight hours
> 
> Jumin: No firing is necessary. The work is merely available.
> 
> 707: but V,
> 
> 707: i'm not doing anything useful
> 
> 707: just awake
> 
> 707: lol

**Saeran**

For once, Saeran is thankful for V's concern. He wanted to ask the same question.

> Saeran: You probably had too much PhD Pepper earlier
> 
> Saeran: You know it makes you hyper
> 
> [Saeran hmph emoji]

It made Saeran hyper too, but also upset his stomach. So he doesn't drink it, leaving him without a similar excuse.

**Saeyoung**

> [707 depression emote]
> 
> 707: u think…?
> 
> 707: maybe that’s what it is…

It’s absolutely not what it is, but it might be better for Saeran to think that way…

> 707: but u didn’t drink any…
> 
> 707: maybe it’s just a night for sleeplessness
> 
> 707: after all, look at these two lol
> 
> Jumin: It’s a good night to be awake. The sky is very clear.
> 
> Jumin: We can see across the city from my apartment at this very moment. The evening light is very flattering to Elizabeth’s eyes.
> 
> Jumin: It suits V, also.
> 
> V: Haha, Jumin.
> 
> V: But, I think the two of you look good under any light.
> 
> V: Elizabeth seems content in your lap…
> 
> [V posts a photo of Jumin with a glass of wine and Elizabeth in his lap]

**Saeran**

Ugh...

This feeling of disgust...

Is this what children feel like when their parents are being sappy?

Jumin and V might be a better couple than Rika and V, having realised their long-buried feelings after V's rescue, but...

Gross.

> Saeran: ...I'm surrounded by couples.

**Saeyoung**

> 707: we're a pair too, lolol

Even as he taps ‘send’, he drops his phone onto the bed and buries his face in the pillow.

(Stupid. You can’t say things like that to him anymore.)

He would have said it so easily even just a month ago…

Apparently, he still says it easily, even when he knows better. Saeyoung picks up his phone again, ready to water down the comment with a joke.

> Jumin: It must be fascinating to have a twin. The closest I’ve experienced to having a sibling growing up is V

_Who you’re now dating_ , Saeyoung wants to say, but he keeps that sentiment locked away, knowing how it could expose him. The RFA already think he has a brother complex as it is, much as they understand it. Or think they understand it.

> V: I was fortunate to have you as my friend from such a young age…
> 
> [V wave emote]
> 
> Jumin: Sometimes it can take a while to fully appreciate those that have been with you since the beginning.
> 
> Jumin: Those ones closest to you…,, sometimes it can make it harder to recognise, simply because of that closeness,,.
> 
> V: Jumin… are you pouring another… wasn’t this the last?
> 
> Jumin: [ribbon bubble] However, for V and I, it was only inevitable.,,

**Saeran**

Jumin is drunk. Very, very drunk, from the looks of things. Saeran envies his ability to be so publicly affectionate.

> [Saeran ‘...’ emote]
> 
> Saeran: good for you.

Where's Zen when you need him? The actor would know exactly how to change the subject from... this.

**Saeyoung**

Recognising Saeran’s discomfort, Saeyoung’s about to dive in and redirect the conversation when V does it for him.

> V: Are… how have things been going for you and your online friend, Saeyoung?

…it’s barely a step away from where they were before, though. And possibly even worse for Saeran.

> 707: the wedding’s next week

Better to defuse and divert with a joke, right?

> 707: hope u all are ready to go thru our registry
> 
> 707: wanna get the limited-edition summer couples set lol
> 
> [V flustered emote]
> 
> V: I… that’s a joke… right?
> 
> Jumin: ,,
> 
> Jumin: Do I need to make an account for this?
> 
> V: Jumin, I think it’s a joke…
> 
> Jumin: To attend the ceremony, surely,,
> 
> 707: …haha
> 
> 707: …yes lol
> 
> 707: you can relax, V

**Saeran**

> Saeran: I was about to ask why I hadn't heard about this.

Both as Saeyoung's brother, _and_ as the one he'd actually marry.

The idea that Jumin would actually sign up to LOLOL to attend has an appeal, though. Saeran finds himself smirking at the thought.

> Saeran: Maybe you should sign up anyway Jumin
> 
> Saeran: You never know
> 
> Saeran: From where I'm sitting, it looks like they're getting pretty serious...

(Unless I totally screwed everything up with that letter…)

**Saeyoung**

> 707: ;;;;
> 
> 707: u guys are embarrassing my sweet, innocent self
> 
> 707: is this the power of springtime?
> 
> 707: everything keeps turning to romance;;
> 
> 707: then again, in a digital world, it can be any season u want
> 
> Jumin: What sorts of characters are available?
> 
> Jumin: Yoosung’s,,, I could try it,
> 
> Jumin: But I struggle to imagine it at a wedding

Screenshots of Yoosung’s barbarian character had been posted often enough to the messenger for Jumin to know it looked nothing like someone you’d expect to show up at a wedding. Well, maybe a wedding in Valhalla…

> 707: lolol
> 
> 707: every race and class can equip a tuxedo or pretty dress
> 
> V: This… is all theoretical though, right? ^^;
> 
> V: Though… Saeran says you two are growing serious?
> 
> V: But… they are still mostly unknown to you, aren’t they?
> 
> 707: hmmmm
> 
> 707: do u like someone just because of their job, their looks, their social status?
> 
> Jumin: Some people do, yes.
> 
> 707: well, online, those things don’t matter
> 
> 707: I know the things i need to know lol

**Saeran**

That... that's a good sign, right?

It affords Saeran some relief anyway. He doesn't need to worry so much over the letter he sent if his brother is saying these things.

Suddenly he feels tired... What is he worrying for if Saeyoung is perfectly happy with an online romance? Of course, it would be nice to have what V and Jumin do, but...

> Saeran: Ah...
> 
> Saeran: That's true.
> 
> Saeran: In real life there may be things that stop you connecting with someone that's close to you
> 
> Saeran: but online, those restrictions may not exist.

It's a lengthy admission for him, especially with V in the room.

V, who immediately follows up with his shocked emote.

> V: Saeran, don't tell me...

There's a pause, and Saeran's heart suddenly seizes.

Was he so tired and relieved that he let on too much?

> V: Are you thinking about dating online too?

(Phew… V didn’t catch on, after all.)

**Saeyoung**

Unlike Saeran, he’s now even more awake. His brother’s words… talking about wanting to be closer to someone offline, but struggling with it…

Could he mean Saeyoung? But, would he say something like that, when Saeyoung is in the very same chatroom? But then again, their hug today…

Saeran had reached out to him today. Saeyoung _wasn’t_ the only one who longed to reconnect.

But surely Saeran only meant it platonically, unlike his useless twin. Though his brother’s voice, calling his name in the shower, creeps into his mind again…

He can’t… he can’t think about that.

He already has Meta. And that’s really for the best.

Though he’d appreciate it if the RFA would stop constantly bringing up Saeran and dating…

> 707: everyone here keeps bringing up this topic
> 
> 707: let Saeran bring that up if he wants to bring it up
> 
> [707 frustrated sigh emote]
> 
> Jumin: Is this brother, ly, love?
> 
> Jumin: or possessiveness,
> 
> V: Jumin;;;
> 
> V: I apologise, Saeyoung, Saeran
> 
> V: Perhaps we should go
> 
> V: You need to rest, Jumin

**Saeran**

 Saeran wasn't expecting Saeyoung to come to his defense, or for Jumin to speculate on the cause that way.

(Hyung, possessive...?)

The idea sends a thrill up his spine even as he dismisses it.

> [Saeran ‘???’ Emote]
> 
> Saeran: I don't know...
> 
> Saeran: We played romance games earlier today
> 
> Saeran: so it's not like hyung has room to talk either lol
> 
> Saeran: Maybe its the theme of the week
> 
> Saeran: It's kind of fun talking about it in the messenger, too...
> 
> Saeran: When it's not going over-board anyway.
> 
> Saeran: But, I was only thinking about how online, it’s easier to be who you want to be.
> 
> Saeran: In some ways, you could be more of yourself than you are in real life,
> 
> Saeran: including in a relationship.
> 
> Saeran: That's all...

...

What is he doing? That was way more than he needed to write as an answer to V’s question…

Now isn't the time for late night introspection – well, technically this _is_ the time, but...

> Saeran: Oh!
> 
> Saeran: Sorry.
> 
> Saeran: I ended up rambling a bit.
> 
> Saeran: It sounds like you two should go ahead and rest.

**Saeyoung**

> 707: ah…
> 
> 707: well,
> 
> Jumin: Romance games...
> 
> Jumin: I've heard of these,,.
> 
> V: Oh no;;
> 
> V: You've caught his interest, Saeran

A brief pause.

> V: Fortunately, his grip on his phone has also decreased.
> 
> V: Please, both of you, get some rest soon.
> 
> [V has left the chatroom]

Another pause, and -

> [Jumin has left the chatroom]

Now it’s just the two of them…

> 707: your rambling… i liked it
> 
> 707: haha…
> 
> 707: …i’m still not tired
> 
> 707: u going to sleep soon, or…?

**Saeran**

> Saeran: Jumin... haha.
> 
> Saeran: maybe we should introduce him to those games properly later

He neglects to address Saeyoung right away, partly caught up in the fun thought of going through a dating sim with the CEO. A lesson that would inevitably lead to entertaining results, both with stressing out V and causing chaos with Zen. Saeran can get behind that.

But also, Saeran can feel the weight behind Saeyoung's every word. His brother can’t have realised Saeran’s true meaning, though. If he had, he would have bust into Saeran’s bedroom immediately. Saeyoung might avoid confrontation, but he fronted up when it counted.

Still... better to play it safe.

> Saeran: But yeah... I feel tired finally.
> 
> Saeran: I guess... I needed to vent a bit?

It wasn't untrue either, though that had only been one of the many reasons why Saeran couldn't sleep in the first place.

More important was directing attention away from himself.

> Saeran: ...you should try it. Maybe it'll help?

**Saeyoung**

The care underlying his twin’s suggestion… Saeyoung eats it up. Still remembering the feeling of holding his brother close to his chest only half a day ago...

But he, too, needs to play it safe. It’d be all too easy to say something he shouldn’t, with the confidence that comes from speaking through text.

> 707: maybe!
> 
> 707: u offering to listen?
> 
> 707: haha… but…
> 
> 707: sounds like you should sleep!
> 
> 707: I’ll try to tire myself out some other way.
> 
> 707: but it felt a bit nice
> 
> 707: knowing u were awake as well…
> 
> 707: …even if u should sleep;;

**Saeran**

Saeran sighs. What did he expect? Saeyoung to immediately divulge his every feeling, while knowing who Saeran was?

> Saeran: Weirdo.
> 
> Saeran: If you stay up you can only blame yourself.

**Saeyoung**

> 707: yeah;;;;
> 
> 707: but...
> 
> 707: still...
> 
> 707: if u still can't sleep after this...
> 
> 707: u know where I live ^^
> 
> 707: I'll count as many sheep as u need

He might not be sleepy, but his brain is definitely getting tired. And far less cautious. He yawns, still a mix of nerves and exhaustion.

(…that was one of those things I was trying to avoid saying, wasn’t it?)

Too late now.

**Saeran**

> Saeran: I'm logging off.

There's no way he can take his twin's comment at face value. They were both obviously over-tired and a bit loopy.

Exiting the chat, Saeran stretches and tries to settle back in bed... but that last comment of his brother’s has just set off his thoughts again.

 (So much for finding some peace... maybe a cup of tea would do it, though...)

Getting up, Saeran heads for the kitchen.

**Saeyoung**

Perhaps their hearts really are still beating as one, as they had for that one moment on the couch.

Or perhaps Saeran’s heart is just that one beat ahead of his brother’s pulling Saeyoung forwards, forwards. Compelled to chase his twin’s shadow.

Because, after finding himself too dopey to play mobile games but still too hyped to sleep, Saeyoung heads to the kitchen, too.

Saeyoung is so certain that the light will be off, that when he reaches the kitchen doorway, his hand automatically goes to flick the switch.

Turning the light… off.

"A-ah?!" His brain catches up, and he switches the light back on, to see Saeran in the middle of making a drink.

"...sorry, Saeran...! I didn't... expect you."

He blinks, the brightness of the light hurting his eyes after his dark bedroom and darker corridor.

Plus, he hasn't bothered to put on his glasses, so everything's not _quite_ as crisp as usual, light aside.

**Saeran**

Saeran is dressed up nicely in some pyjamas Saeyoung bought him - a simple blue, cozy fabric - and thankfully has just finished pouring the hot water into his drink, otherwise he would've spilt all over himself.

"Hyung...! What are you... Ah, I mean, did you want tea too?"

Why else would Saeyoung be up? And with the way he's squinting, it seems dangerous to let him handle the kettle.

**Saeyoung**

"M-mm... I thought it might... help me sleep..." Saeyoung mumbles, wandering into the kitchen, and quickly justifying Saeran's caution about the kettle by catching his arm on the partially open door.

"O...ow..."

He rubs at his forearm as Saeran takes out a second cup.

"Saeran..." he starts, but then drifts off, forgetting the question halfway as he stares at his twin in his soft blue pyjamas. "Hmm... you look cute."

**Saeran**

Wow.

Saeyoung must really be tired.

Saeran too, because he openly blushes and stutters at the compliment.

"O-oh, really...?"

(Idiot! Airhead!!)

"I thought I look tired," he follows up hastily, busying himself with making Saeyoung's drink.

**Saeyoung**

Nothing seems off to Saeyoung, at this level of dopiness. Saeran could be holding up a sign with his inner thoughts on it right now, and he'd miss it. Though that example could just be blamed on the lack of glasses. Font size would certainly be a consideration.

As it is, the colour of Saeran's cheeks goes unnoticed, although Saeyoung finds himself smiling at how... cute... the initial response was, too.

"Nah..." he replies to Saeran's second statement, standing somewhat precariously on the completely flat and stable surface that is the kitchen floor. "'S'definitely the first one... I mean, why not both?"

Which reminds him of something else. Something from the chatroom?

"Hmmm... you said something before, too... was thinking about it... what was it... wait, was it you? Maybe it was Jumin..."

The sound of Saeyoung beginning to ramble is a familiar one.

**Saeran**

Saeran silently places a cup of tea on the bench beside Saeyoung, before taking a sip of his own.

(So _now_ he's feeling talkative...)

Maybe Saeyoung simply didn't want to leave his emotions typed out where anyone in the RFA could see them?

Or he's much more tired than he let on. Saeran can see for himself how unsteady Saeyoung is on his feet. Whatever his brother wants to say, he should probably say it quick.

“Hm?” Saeran prompts, taking in some peacefulness along with his sip of tea.

**Saeyoung**

Saeyoung moves to the kitchen bench to take the cup Saeran prepared. Wraps his fingers around it, blowing lightly at the top.

“Oh… right… it was Jumin…”

Part of him is aware that he's using his tiredness to say things he normally wouldn’t. His inhibitions lowered. But he finds himself disinterested in fighting it. This way, he can probe a little further into how Saeran feels. His twin had said some interesting stuff on the messenger…

"Do you... think I'm possessive?"

**Saeran**

Saeran was not expecting that, and almost spits out his tea.

"Haa…ah?“ is all he manages to exclaim, voice cracking at the end. "What... why are you asking?"

**Saeyoung**

"Well, Jumin said so, right?" Saeyoung looks up from his cup. "Brotherly love... or possessiveness?"

His expression is unreadable. "I guess it could be both. But, an outside perspective... is good, right?"

**Saeran**

"No!" Somehow Saeran's voice manages to lilt up again even with such a short word.

(Damn it... Get a hold of yourself!)

He takes a swig of tea, calming his nerves. He may well not be able to sleep at all tonight, after all.

"Who cares what an outsider thinks? It's... whatever. You're you. I'm me,” he mutters, staring down into his tea while he does.

**Saeyoung**

"But, I want _your_ opinion, Saeran..." It’s then that Saeran’s tone of voice starts to register. Saeyoung should ask the important part now, before he can't any more.

"Would... it bother you if I was...?"

**Saeran**

Saeran fails to understand why it matters. Or why his twin is suddenly so stuck on this one comment from Jumin. "Uh... I guess not?"

On the contrary. The thought alone gave him a thrill earlier... But Saeran is certain that isn't the type of ‘possessive’ Saeyoung means. That would require Saeran to think he had a chance.

"If you are, I haven't noticed."

**Saeyoung**

"Hmmm... so, you wouldn't mind..." Saeyoung circles his thumb against the cup.

"It’s just... Jumin’s right. I am.” It feels _so good_ saying it. He might not be able to confess, but just allowing himself this much, he can feel relief for at least a little of the tension in his body. “I wondered if I should try to stop. But, if it doesn’t bother you, then it's okay."

His voice grows thoughtful, as he seeks out meaning in the patterns of steam rising up against his face.

Thinking of Meta.

"If they don't mind I'm like that, either, then... maybe it's okay..."

**Saeran**

There's only one other person Saeyoung could be referring to. Saeran's stomach flips at the thought.

(Could he actually feel something for me?) If that was true…

"...do what you want," he replies, wishing that Saeyoung would, if his feelings really _were_ anything remotely like Saeran’s.

Though of course, he knows Saeyoung wouldn’t really do anything. Even if he _did_ feel something. Saeyoung was the _good_ twin, after all.

Besides, Saeran is aware his own possessiveness is on a completely different level to his brother’s.

(You shouldn't worry about yourself, hyung.)

**Saeyoung**

"What I want..." Saeyoung looks up, studying Saeran's face. Except he can't, properly. What with the lack of glasses. His sight isn't awful, but certainly if he wanted any detail, he'd need to be closer.

So, he gets closer. Placing his cup back down on the bench as he does so.

"Like... asking you to only... do the things we did today... with me. It's a pretty possessive thing to want, I would have thought."

**Saeran**

(What, playing games?) It’s a small request, easily granted. Since it went well, his brother likely wanted to lock it down as a bonding ritual.

"Fine... Though it’s too bad I can't introduce Jumin to that game genre then," Saeran sighs.

**Saeyoung**

"Ah, no, we have to do that. It'd be hilarious. V won't know what to do with him... I look forward to it..." Saeyoung’s smile takes on a devilish gleam.

“No, I’m happy to share _that…_ what I meant was… _”_

It’s selfish, so selfish, but he wants to ask so badly. Wants his twin to promise him at least this.

He places his hands over Saeran's. "Gimme this for a sec, Saeran-ah..." Finding his brother’s hands yielding under his, he takes Saeran’s cup, and places it to one side, too.

"I meant..." Saeyoung reaches out, taking one of Saeran's hands again. Placing it over his heart, just where it had rested when they’d shared a moment, playing the game…

"This... no one else matches me here but you... so... I'd like it if this was ours... only. Because you're the most precious... and deserve to be loved by everyone... but I... want this just for myself."

As he says the last words, he leans forward to rest his head on Saeran's shoulder, just like he had before.

"That's gotta be a little possessive, right?" he murmurs, right by Saeran's ear.

Then he releases his twin.

If he can ask just this much of his twin… to keep that bond he felt between them today alive… to get to have more moments like that…

Then maybe all this can work. Combined with Meta…

Maybe Saeyoung can do the right thing, but be happy, too.

"Ahhh..." he sighs, smiling. "I feel like I can finally find some peace, after telling you how I felt. I guess you were right! I just needed to talk... thank you!“

(Even if he only returns my feelings to this degree... maybe that'll be enough... maybe I won't ruin anything after all...)

Satisfied, Saeyoung turns to head back to bed.

**Saeran**

The instant Saeyoung turns to leave is exactly when Saeran reaches for him, hand left hanging in the air.

(Ah... What am I—?)

Saeran retracts it, pulling the hand to his chest instead.

(...There's no one else who _could_ share that with me, stupid...)

"...sleep well," is all he can summon up to say in response, emotions swirling. Unsure how he's meant to take any of that.

The past 24 hours... have been one hell of a ride.

**Saeyoung**

It’s a ride that leaves both twins exhausted. Neither is up before lunchtime the next day.

Meta mostly logs on in the afternoon and evening, so Saeyoung doesn't rush to LOLOL... it'd feel weird to log in again before Meta read his letter.

**Saeran**

Saeran is less patient. Finding the courage to log on not long after waking. Just because he can't face Saeyoung at all, until he knows.

"O... Oh."

The reply is...

Positive, though Saeran can sense some trepidation.

(As I thought, I came on too strong...)

Thank goodness he didn't scare Saeyoung away.

He can remedy this.

With a sigh, Saeran logs back out and proceeds to go about his day.

**Saeyoung**

Saeyoung doesn't suggest they do anything special today, figuring Saeran could use some space. Yesterday had been the longest they’d spent in each other’s company in weeks, after all.

He delays it as long as he can stand, then finally logs into LOLOL in the early evening, unable to hold himself back from checking any longer.

**Saeran**

As soon as he sees his brother return to his room, Saeran’s logging in, too keen to clear things up to wait any longer.

> > Star... You're here.
> 
> > I'm glad to see you, and...
> 
> > Sorry about the letter.
> 
> > You could say I had an attack of midnight sentiment ^^;;
> 
> > I'm thankful you took it so well
> 
> > But... I'm sorry if I scared you :(

He types it all out in a rush. Desperate to cover his bases before Star brings it up on her own.

**Saeyoung**

> > scared? no...
> 
> > u have nothing to apologise for!
> 
> > it was sweet... and lovely... and so thoughtful...
> 
> > just wish I could wear the violet in my hair for you!

He decides to cut right to the chase, his success with Saeran making him bold. He’s found a happy balance with his twin, it feels. So, he should check in with Meta once more, and, if Meta’s still okay, then…

Then everything will be fine. Right?

> > if I seemed hesitant in my reply...
> 
> > it's because I feel like I'm doing your feelings a disservice
> 
> > u told me, a month ago...
> 
> > that u didn't mind how I was... about my sibling
> 
> > but, is that fair? do u still feel that way?
> 
> > someone like you... deserves all of someone’s heart and attention
> 
> > it’s true that you two could never meet, given this is all online
> 
> > but... I’m still worried...
> 
> > so... I think it’s important to communicate... and check in...
> 
> > just because u agreed in the heat of the moment...
> 
> > I want to make sure it's still okay, and...
> 
> > yesterday...

How to even begin to describe it? Meta's waiting patiently, but the amount of time to explain it all...

Better to keep it simple. Understandable.

> > I talked about something to do with this to them yesterday
> 
> > and they seem okay... with how we are now...
> 
> > but,
> 
> > is it still okay with you?
> 
> > I'm... more possessive over them than I realised
> 
> > so...
> 
> > I don't want u to pretend it's okay if it’s not...
> 
> > even if we’re online only…
> 
> > I want to be sure I’m doing the right thing by u offline, too.

**Saeran**

Wait... so...

Saeran's holding _himself_ back?

How funny.

(That sounds about right though...)

Saeran is well-aware of his self-destructive nature by now.

Which is almost exactly why his next response is what it is – he can't help himself after what happened last night.

> > I... I see.
> 
> > Um.
> 
> > I really do like you... And I appreciate your honesty.
> 
> > But... how far... do these feelings for your sibling go?
> 
> > You say you’re possessive of them...
> 
> > I have to admit, it makes me wonder a little, when you say that
> 
> > About what kind of affection you have for them.

In fact, he's far past his limit of wondering. Saeran wants answers. Wants to breach the gap between them.

Isn't that why he made Meta?

Playing pretend... was fun... But now it's very real.

Though there's not much he can do no matter what Saeyoung's response is.

He's just sick of not knowing.

**Saeyoung**

...of course.

He's been greedy. Too greedy.

How could he have possibly imagined this could work?

When Meta puts it like that, it’s obvious that Saeyoung’s doing the wrong thing. There was never any chance. He should never have suggested they date. (…but I didn’t know my own feelings, then!)

Regardless, he has to be honest. He truly cares for Meta. If only he had gone with his initial instinct, he could have avoided hurting them from the start.

(So... this is it, then...)

> > Meta...
> 
> > I'm... so sorry
> 
> > I truly... care for you so deeply. I do.
> 
> > And I wanted so badly to try to make this work...
> 
> > that maybe with you, I could make these feelings go away, but
> 
> > you're right...
> 
> > My sibling…
> 
> > the way I feel about them…
> 
> > It’s love.
> 
> > I love them.
> 
> > And… it’s not a platonic love.
> 
> > I’ve never acted on those feelings, and they don’t know…
> 
> > But, I understand how you must feel, hearing that.

He’s wanted to admit it so long, but all he feels is burning in his chest and his eyes.

Meta must be devastated.

Saeyoung is an idiot. And so cruel. And shouldn’t have ever let himself think he could have this.

> > Please don’t think this is your fault.
> 
> > It’s only mine. I do… really care for you.
> 
> > But I was wrong to think that dating you would still be okay, when I have these other feelings, too.
> 
> > I'm... awful
> 
> > you deserve better.
> 
> > I’m so sorry.

**Saeran**

Ah.

Aah.

Aaaaaaaah!!!

Energy fills Saeran's body. He wants to jump and scream and race to Saeyoung. Wants to capture his lips and his heart and damn the consequences.

He settles for diving onto his bed and rolling around on it.

(Aaaaaah I love him! He loves me!!)

Nothing could compare to the happiness that fuels him now.

Knowing... is enough. Everything feels lighter and brighter, just by having this knowledge.

He's satisfied.

…he's left Saeyoung hanging.

(O-oops... Don't you worry, my...)

(...)

(L... Love...)

(Ahhhh... )

> > Oh Star...
> 
> > I care for you so much.
> 
> > I won't ever leave you.
> 
> > If anything... I'll never let you go. Haha. ^^
> 
> > And I think... you're a good person.
> 
> > You worry and care about how your feelings affect others.
> 
> > But I know better than anyone how uncontrollable they are...
> 
> > You do your best to do what's right.
> 
> > And you were honest with me.
> 
> > Thank you for that.
> 
> > Maybe it's strange this has made me love you more.
> 
> > But it has.

So caught up in his emotional high, Saeran doesn't recognise he's had Meta confess his love _again_.

**Saeyoung**

This.

This doesn't? Make any sense?

> > Meta... I have to ask...
> 
> > are you secretly an AI?
> 
> > it's okay if you are, I just...
> 
> > I don't really understand how you can like me... aren't you... angry?
> 
> > I'm... I have romantic feelings for my sibling...
> 
> > You don't hate me for that?
> 
> > I'm happy but... I truly don't understand it
> 
> > haha;;
> 
> > I can't think what I've done that could make you overlook such a thing.
> 
> > If you're not an AI, maybe an alien?
> 
> > ah... maybe aliens don't have genetic based taboos?
> 
> > uhm...
> 
> > can't believe first contact was through an mmo... lol
> 
> > I just. wow.
> 
> > I never expected a response like this

**Saeran**

Oh, right. He should scale back his responses... That'd be the normal thing to do.

It's just so difficult when he feels so happy.

> > lol
> 
> > sure
> 
> > I'm an AI programmed to fall for you
> 
> > Or maybe an alien sent to seduce you? Haha.

...Yeah. He's definitely getting swept up. Though in a way his responses are correct. It's impossible for him to love anyone else like he does Saeyoung... He’s also seducing his brother as a non-human character… even if technically the dragon people in this game aren’t aliens.

> > More seriously...
> 
> > It's your intentions that matter
> 
> > And I'm satisfied with that
> 
> > I don’t mind that you feel that way about your sibling
> 
> > As long as you still want to be together with me.

Of course, Saeran would be more than satisfied if he could have Saeyoung in reality, too...

But he knows well enough Saeyoung will continue to hold back for both their sakes, even if Saeran wishes otherwise.

**Saeyoung**

Meta had started to sound a little weird.

Almost creepy.

(...did this satisfy some kind of hidden fetish of theirs?)

But... the joking around was somewhat reassuring. And cute.

Saeyoung doesn’t understand _how,_ but somehow, things worked out. Maybe his solution of enjoying limited closeness with his brother and romance with Meta… can still work after all?

> > I... I'd like to try that?
> 
> > it...
> 
> > honestly...
> 
> > while I'm putting it all out there
> 
> > other than my sibling...
> 
> > I've never connected with anyone quite the way I have with you
> 
> > it’s why I selfishly wanted to cling onto you…
> 
> > it's a feeling in my gut...
> 
> > so... if you want to, then... yes
> 
> > I... feel like it will be easier to not act on my feelings... and instead be the person they need...
> 
> > if I could further explore what we have here
> 
> > I can be the sibling they deserve...
> 
> > I can be worthy of them...
> 
> > and you...
> 
> > haha… it feels like someone cast a spell to solve all my fears
> 
> > if it is...
> 
> > I don't want to break the spell...

**Saeran**

It feels like... everything Saeran has suffered up until now has been worth it.

> > Silly
> 
> > the only magical thing here
> 
> > is you!
> 
> >...
> 
> > Too much?

He really shouldn't alarm his twin any further.

> > We can always do what we usually do now, if you like

**Saeyoung**

Maybe that would be best. To spend some time together... and let this all settle into his head.

Star agrees, and they while away the next few hours questing... the awkwardness fades, their natural rapport settling in.

Meta... is at their most cheerful, but it’s not at the frankly surreal level it reached before.

Saeyoung wants so badly to believe this can work, after all... and Meta's company is soothing and warm and their enthusiasm infectious, and he finds his fears slowly melting away.

(Yes... I love that about you… how I feel totally at ease.)

Eventually hunger forces then both to stop, having played the entire afternoon away.

So, Saeyoung heads out to the kitchen to see what he can throw together... hoping Saeran will show his face, too.

He might not have been able to confess to his brother... but that Meta knows... and supports him...

He'll do his best to greet Saeran with a smile.

**Saeran**

Saeran has to stop himself from smiling too much. The shift is his attitude would be way too noticeable otherwise.

(Greet him like I usually do... nothing's actually changed.)

Saeran just had knowledge Saeyoung doesn't.

It makes him feel powerful.

He gives Saeyoung a few minutes to himself in the kitchen before following him there. Then enjoys stopping in the doorway quietly, to watch Saeyoung at work a moment. He could watch his brother like this for hours. Still, he doesn’t let himself indulge too long. He can’t resist seeking Saeyoung’s attention, anyway.

"What's for dinner, hyung?" he asks casually, but there's a lightness and warmth to his tone he can't disguise. (That... should be fine. Other stuff happened between us yesterday, after all.)

As long he keeps on top of what each part of himself can get away with, it's more than fine.

(... It figures I'd fall back into that lifestyle at some point) Saeran reflects, vaguely remembering the time he had been drunk off elixir and channelling his feelings into separate personas. Compartmentalising to keep himself sane.

The difference is, this time he's very, very sober and very much responsible. He had an agenda after all. It might have become twisted from his initial intentions, but...

No one was hurt by this. On the contrary.

This was bliss.

**Saeyoung**

To have so openly stated his feelings for his brother, even if it was to someone else...

Saeyoung's emotions are a strange mix right now.

But hearing the warmth in Saeran's voice feels like a gentle hand running down the side of his heart, patting every fibre so that they all line up in the same direction.

His smile broadens. He didn't think he'd gone too far last night, but it seems like Saeran's already had enough space to feel comfortable seeking him out again.

(I'm glad...)

Turning to look at his twin, Saeyoung's heart, despite just being soothed, races back up into his throat.

Is it the reduced guilt, letting him enjoy the sight of his brother like this? Because he could swear his twin is... radiant.

(Lit up like a stained-glass window...)

"Ah, Saeran..." he breathes, and.... if only he could just breathe all of his brother in. Fill his lungs as well as his eyes. Every space between every atom.

"I... was thinking about doing something with the chicken we have left in the freezer... maybe a creamy pasta..."

A fancier version of the student meals he'd eaten at his college cafeteria... he had a craving for it today. Plus, he's still tired, and pasta’s easy.

He lets his eyes linger on his twin's face a moment longer, feeling his chest ache with the warmth he finds.

(That I can do day to day things like this with you... I'm so lucky.)

He forces himself to look back to the food, then, though. If he doesn't, he'll stare all night.

"Does that sound good?"

**Saeran**

Romance is talking about the most mundane things with an expression like one has been thunderstruck, Saeran supposes. It's a good thing Saeyoung looks back to the food, because he can't hold back the smile tugging at his lips.

"Sounds good."

But he wants to be closer. Bask more in Saeyoung's presence and the love radiating off of him.

So Saeran steps up to the counter, right next to Saeyoung, and opens a cupboard to fetch the pasta.

Obviously intending to help.

**Saeyoung**

It makes Saeyoung's fingers twitch.

It was only here, last night, he had taken Saeran's hand in his own, again.

And told Saeran he wanted such things just for himself...

The confidence he had in that early, hazy hour is gone, leaving only giddiness in its wake.

(So close...) He can feel the warmth radiating off from himself as he dices some tomatoes to add as a side.

Focusing carefully on the knife.

It'd be all too easy to slip and cut himself, if with Saeran... right there.

Being all... _Saeran_ at him.

With his _Saeraness_.

(Maybe I shouldn't log on again after dinner... my tiredness is definitely making me loopy).

He carefully divides his attention between the tomatoes and his brother, so very aware of the body so close to his own.

**Saeran**

The silence between them is peaceful, Saeran sensing how Saeyoung is aware of his every move and getting immense satisfaction from it.

But he yearns for more.

But how to ask for it...?

"Ah... yes. You wanted a sleepover, right? What about tomorrow night?"

**Saeyoung**

So soon!

Saeyoung drags the knife he holds across the chopping board, dropping every ingredient into a bowl.

Placing everything down carefully before he responds.

"Ah, well... that's fine with me, haha! I'm glad you want to...! Maybe we can come up with a movie list after dinner... and, we can get the popcorn tomorrow morning..."

He stares at the chopping board, not starting the next part of his prep straight away.

Thinking of Saeran eating popcorn... holding a piece up to his lips and...!

It's a good thing Meta's weirdly okay with his feelings.

They really aren't going away...

**Saeran**

Saeyoung zones out long enough for Saeran to give him a nudge. "Hyung?"

He has some idea what's on his brother's mind, but it's fun to play innocent. At least, _now_ it is. It means Saeran can carefully catalogue each embarrassed reaction and store it safely in his heart.

**Saeyoung**

"Ah! S-sorry, I zoned out. You're... um, could you pass the grater? I'll add some zucchini to the pasta sauce."

Every minute of Saeran's presence so distracting but so...

He doesn't want it to end.

Being together like this...

He should be satisfied just with this.

But his mind keeps drifting to the sleepover now...

(Maybe... we could hug like we did before, but with less tears... that would keep me going for ages…)

He just needs to hold out until tomorrow night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look forward to the sleepover in the next chapter~ It's a fun one :3 You can rest assured Saeran is going to use his increased information superiority over his twin to his advantage.
> 
> Sorry for the delay with this chapter, some crappy life stuff came up, s-sob. Thanks for your patience!


	4. Why not both?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The twins hold a slumber party together, of a sort, and while Saeran has an edge over his twin, planning to use his information superiority for his own pleasure... he finds in some ways it make some of Saeyoung's gestures even harder to resist, knowing what lies underneath them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, the first movie they watch, is, of course, Nightmare on Elm Street, and the second one is The Road to El Dorado! If you haven't seen The Road to El Dorado, I highly recommend it, both male leads and the female lead are really fun characters.

**Saeran**

Over the next 24 hours or so, Saeran enjoys observing Saeyoung in a new light. Carefully taking note of every little tell-tale sign of his brother's affection. It’s all too obvious now that he knows the truth.

He could be entertained by it for days, but there's other forms of entertainment to organize. Saeyoung is taking the sleepover planning seriously. He’s already sent his twin some suggested movies and snacks.

Then there’s the matter of Saeyoung’s suggestion to build a blanket fort.

"Wouldn't it be cramped?"

Saeran isn't adverse to getting cozy, but that's not why he's asking.

He just wants to see Saeyoung try to justify it.

**Saeyoung**

"Well..."

Saeyoung scratches the back of his head, looking off to a corner of the room. “It’s just… something I always thought would be fun… and we could make a roomy one if I bring in a couple more chairs for support…”

Though he’d prefer he had an excuse to be close to his twin. The proximity is all he needs. Their time playing the dating sim together was proof of that, right? He can be close to Saeran, and that will be enough…

Though his expression grows carefully blank as he imagines what might happen if the fort was too small… accidentally knocking out a support… getting tangled in the sheets together…

He takes off his glasses to wipe a little fog off the lenses with his shirt.

"A... ah, but, we don't have to stay in there the whole time... just a little... maybe one movie? Or even just to take a photo together... if you don’t like it."

**Saeran**

Saeran can feel the laughter bubble in his chest. This is so much like the Tokiheki game they played, it's almost perfect. He could _kiss_ Shu for giving him so much insight into Saeyoung’s awkward little tells. No longer agonising over what Saeyoung means by each word and look, he feels like a starving man offered a feast.

"Ah... well..." he replies, amusement lacing every word. "If you want it that badly, I guess I can do it with you.”

**Saeyoung**

“Ha… hah. Right. It’s… settled then.”

Nothing about Saeyoung can be described as ‘settled’, though, after hearing something like that. Why did Saeran’s choice of words have to be so…?

(Normal. Totally normal thing to say. It’s just _you_ being the abnormal one here.)

Saeyoung busies himself even further in preparations for the sleepover, if only to keep his mind from wandering anywhere else. Still, when he’s finally finished setting things up, he can’t help but be proud of his handiwork. The fort is roomy enough, and comfortable too, the entire floor covered with pillows and cushions. Though the way the light filters through the sheets above to the inside… does make it appear like quite an intimate space.

(It’s… not like we didn’t share even smaller spaces together at times, when we were kids.)

He hopes the fort doesn’t summon any of those unhappier memories for his twin. But this is an entirely different place and mood, right? It should be fine.

He places the wireless keyboard and mouse on the inside of the fort as the finishing touch, so they can control the PC connected to the television.

The smell of popcorn drifts in from the kitchen. Saeyoung’s stomach rumbles, but he can be patient.

Besides. He wants to take a few photos.

**Saeran**

The popcorn is ready and poured into a bowl in no time at all, and Saeran returns to catch Saeyoung taking photos of the fort.

"Proud of your work?"

It’s actually quite impressive.  Saeran was expecting something far more ramshackle... but...

"You're skilled with your hands."

This is his brother they're talking about. Saeyoung always had a knack for stuff like this.

Though Saeran says it like that purely to see Saeyoung blush. Much like his earlier comment.

Placing the popcorn on the floor near the fort, Saeran mentally ticks off any last tasks. It’s the first time he’s done anything like this, but he thinks they have everything required, now.

(So why do I feel like I’m forgetting something?)

(Oh!)

"Should we change into our pyjamas?"

**Saeyoung**

Saeyoung doesn’t respond immediately, still processing Saeran’s comment about his hands. And trying not to blush. He colours a little, anyway.

"Mm. That's a good idea~"

Also, this is the perfect opportunity to make Saeran laugh... hopefully... maybe...

It’s time to deploy… _that_.

He heads back to his room, to take out the item in question. It’s soft, and cuddly, and adorable.

(Your time, my fuzzy friend, has finally come).

When he returns to the lounge room, he’s wearing… this…

**Saeran**

Meanwhile, Saeran got changed into his regular PJs and returned relatively quickly - they're not as fiddly as a onesie.

Expecting Saeyoung to do the same, he's struck momentarily speechless when he catches sight of his twin.

"...Huh?"

It's certainly Saeyoung's aesthetic, that much Saeran can comprehend. The rest though... What kind of creature is it meant to be?

"Are you a... bunny?"

**Saeyoung**

Saeyoung does a not-entirely-terrible impression of... a fierce sounding rabbit.

Or maybe it's meant to be a fox noise?

He's bunched his hands under his face like he's about to pounce.

"I'm. A fierce creature of darkness!!! Gao~!!!!!!!"

That just happens to suit his aesthetic to a T.

"Be careful entering my den~ I haven't been fed in -"

He breaks character, pulling his phone out of a onesie pocket to check, and drops the fierce-cute voice to say, clinically "-at least three hours.“

Then it's the hands... paws... back up at his face again, and the dorky growl: "Gao!!!“ once more.

**Saeran**

Saeran is more than prepared to call his brother's bluff.

"Oh no... Then I have no choice but to make my escape," he mocks, stepping towards the hallway back to the bedrooms. Staying out of Saeyoung's range.

**Saeyoung**

"You can never escape from my agile moveset!! I’m at max PP!!" Saeyoung declares, following after his twin, arms stretched out, grabby hands fully engaged.

Said moves are nowhere to be found, a kirugumi not exactly the easiest thing to be swift in. It wouldn't take much effort to stay out of Saeyoung's reach.

**Saeran**

Saeran doesn't even try. Any excuse he had for Saeyoung to hold him was welcome.

"Ack!" he exclaims, exaggeration at maximum, as Saeyoung’s arms wrap around him. There's a token struggle, until Saeran gives up with a sigh.

"Guess this is my fate..." Doomed to be trapped in the arms of the one he loves.

How terrible.

**Saeyoung**

How terrible indeed.

As his twin admits defeat in his arms, Saeyoung truly feels like he's won some great victory. Was everything they’ve been through over the last few days enough to have Saeran be so… open and playful with him like this? It wasn’t that many months ago that they’d only been exchanging a handful of sentences a day.

He... has to be careful not to ruin it... it's not the first time he's taken steps forward only to take several back again.

But...

"Ahahaha! My claws have never failed to find their target!!!"

He squeezes his twin from the side, and -

"Unghn!"

\- leaves a mock-bite on the fabric over Saeran's nearest bicep.

It's so light, it'd barely even register through the fabric.

"Heheh... well, that should keep me satisfied for now~" Saeyoung grins as he straightens up. "And... maybe some popcorn."

**Saeran**

It’s not as if Saeran hasn’t shown an interest in playfulness in the past. It’s just his mood hadn’t really allowed it, for most of the time they’d been reunited.

But right now, he's in a very good one.

Rubbing his arm where Saeyoung bit it, Saeran wistfully thinks of other places his twin could nibble...

(...I'm getting ahead of myself.)

Defeated, Saeran crawls into Saeyoung's proclaimed lair.

"So, I'm not even worth devouring? Do I taste that bad?" he taunts, purposefully echoing Shu's words from a few days ago... But in a more challenging way.

(Admit it.)

**Saeyoung**

"N-no!!" Saeyoung exclaims in (mostly) mock dismay, dropping to his hands and knees outside the entrance to his blanket den.

Face level with Saeran's, looking out.

"You should be savoured!"

(...that came out weird.)

Hopefully his twin will roll with it. Saeyoung rests back on his haunches, face above the entrance and out of view, giving himself a second to recover from the slip-up.

As he leans back, there's a scraping sound as his back bumps against the popcorn bowl.

Right. Popcorn.

Maybe it's better to stuff his mouth most of tonight, lest he be tempted to do anything else with it.

He picks it up, then places it to one side of the entrance before wriggling inside with Saeran.

**Saeran**

Saeran has to cover his mouth with his hand to hide his grin. Thankfully it looks natural, since it's how he's propping up his head while lying down in the fort.

That doesn't stop him from nudging Saeyoung's leg with a foot. Every small touch, every minor moment... it fuels Saeran. _He's_ the one devouring his twin here.

"So? Movie first?" he asks, once Saeyoung settles in completely.

**Saeyoung**

This... wasn't a bad idea, was it? Because already, Saeyoung's skin is tingling at their nearness.

(No... I can do this... I _need_ to be able to do this with him.)

"Yeah!!"

He throws himself into the role of the older brother orchestrating a fun event for his sibling, rather than fixating on Saeran's leg and where it lines up next to his.

"We have a whole ton of genres we could try... the sleepover stereotype would be a rom-com or a spooky supernatural flick... but, there's nothing that says we can't watch sci-fi, action...

He scrolls through some recommended titles over each genre.

"Anything grab you? I can pick if nothing jumps out..."

**Saeran**

Requesting a romcom may be too obvious, so Saeran wracks his brains.

He's not really a fan of horror, but... it'd give him an excuse to grab Saeyoung, wouldn't it?

Then any of them could do.

"You wanted a classic sleepover, so... what about... Nightmare on Oak Street?"

**Saeyoung**

"Ohhh... the creepy guy who sneaks into kid's dreams...? Frankie Krugel?"

It's been a while since he's heard his twin wake from a nightmare… so, this should be okay, right? Saeyoung wonders if maybe opting to show his twin horror was really a good idea, given the things Saeran has been through…

"Well, I'm game to give it a try... though, if it winds up being too predictable for you, just let me know. It’s probably extra cheesy!"

Giving his brother an out. Just in case. He tries not to be transparent about it, though, in case it annoys Saeran. He wants to enjoy his twin's good mood as long as he can.

(Although... on the other hand...)

The same thought that occurred to Saeran, occurs to him. (Aren’t these kinds of movies sort of designed to make people grab onto each other?)

This time, all too transparent, he adds, "Just don't be mad if I need to cling to you when Frankie pops out!! I might be a creature of the night, but his hands... blegghhhhh... creepy..."

**Saeran**

So, so, so transparent.

(Feels good to know he's on the same page as I am.)

Without further warning, Saeran leans across Saeyoung to promptly begin the film.

**Saeyoung**

It takes a non-small measure of Saeyoung's self-control not to give his twin another play-bite as his arm brushes so close to Saeyoung’s face…

(...careful. If you slip up, you won't have anyone to blame but yourself).

But even thinking that, he's the first to shuffle closer as the film begins. The only source of light now the television, and the keys of the wireless keyboard. It just feels natural to huddle closer in this environment, and he's all too willing to go with that feeling.

So, that warm line of contact arises between them once more.

The film is creepy, but so far no one has died - just a dream chase. Then, there's a sleepover scene. Frankie appears in the dream of one unlucky teen, and - slashes at them!!

**Saeran**

Saeran can see why this film was on a list of ‘sleepover musts!’

He's somewhat surprised Saeyoung didn't take the chance to surprise attack him when the slashing started, though. Is Saeyoung holding himself back? Maybe he can do something to provoke his twin into doing something. Or… or maybe…

"Have you seen this film before?"

Maybe Saeyoung hasn't, and that's why. It's kinda nice to think that they're experiencing a film together for their first time...

**Saeyoung**

"Ah, no..." Saeyoung admits, as another teen at the sleepover is blamed for the death of the first. "I'm familiar with the villain, and the general plot, but I haven't seen it before."

Horror movies didn't bother him – but if he was going to see a story about the supernatural, he preferred comedies more. Ghost romances were good, too. Though when he’d been at university, his dorm mates had hosted a particularly entertaining series of nights featuring the lowest budget horror films they could find.

Just as it seems like the scene is over, the teen accused of murdering the other is attacked in their cell, but unlike the first attack, this one is delivered as a jumpscare, and Saeyoung most certainly jumps.

"Gah!!“ He doesn’t even mean to, but he finds himself burying his face against his brother's shoulder a moment, before catching himself.

**Saeran**

If Saeran wasn't feeling jumpy too, he’d think it was cute. Instead, he grips his handful of popcorn suddenly, crushing all the kernels.

"Oh... ugh."

There's no napkins in reaching vicinity either.

(...though… it's not all bad.)

There's something else he can do to clean up the mess. And Saeyoung's in the perfect position to enjoy it, with how pressed up he is against Saeran's side.

As his twin begins to raise his head, Saeran brings his hand to his mouth. Slowly licking the kernels, salt and butter off his palm.

**Saeyoung**

Saeyoung comes practically face to face with the sight as he raises his head from Saeran's shoulder.

Isn't it... possible to lick without extending your tongue quite so far? Without looking quite so...

Saeyoung's totally lost the plot. Of both the film, but also... (Crap!)

Saeyoung turns his head away. He gawked at that a couple seconds longer than he should have, for sure.

And even with his head turned away… (Why is it I can still make out that soft sound of tongue against skin against the music of a horror movie?!)

His brother is practically cleaning himself like a cat. Saeyoung wants to take Saeran’s hand and finish the job... then lick up his arm... along Saeran's shoulder...

It's a good thing it's so dark, because that thought turns him bright red. He buries his face in his hands. He can pretend it's because of the movie, right?

He doesn't even know what's happening onscreen any more. All he hears are the sounds...

At least Saeran stops licking himself after a few more swipes.

**Saeran**

Saeran's certainly as pleased as a cat. Seeing Saeyoung so overcome by the movie, then by him... he can't get enough of it.

With the hand he licked clean mere seconds ago, Saeran reaches for Saeyoung's hands to tug at his fingers.

"Hyung... are you that scared?"

Unfortunately, Saeran is the villain of Saeyoung's personal horror movie, and not about to let up any time soon.

(Haha... so adorable.)

**Saeyoung**

Saeyoung starts slightly at his brother's touch... warm, and... slightly damp.

And still smelling faintly of popcorn.

"As if I, scary Backpack Monster that I am, would be afraid of a movie!!! Chomp!!!"

He... he really _says_ 'chomp', before  his hands take Saeran's in his own and he -

gently

\- takes it into his mouth from the side, like a dog holding a newspaper.

"Grrr..." he rumbles, before taking his brother's hand out of his mouth again, stroking it apologetically.

"Sorry... my fierce beast ways were in question... I wouldn't want you to doubt my toughness~"

(…I _have_ to get a grip.)

On something other than Saeran’s hand.

It’s just… it’s so easy to play when his brother is like this, and he _is_ playing, but also…

(My heart’s going to leap out of my chest at any minute).

**Saeran**

(I... I deserve this.) Saeran thinks, momentarily flustered. It's what he gets for teasing Saeyoung like the characters in the dating sim they played. Hadn’t the game already shown him that is what happens when you push someone too hard?

He still wants to push more. It was so fun… he’d felt bad for the guys in the game, but when it’s _him_ doing it to someone he really loves, then… it only sends endorphins rushing through his body. Saeyoung’s every slight mistake or over-enthusiastic gesture only making Saeran want to provoke him more.

Though he’s not sure where to go from here.

"Uh..." he starts, trying to think of a good response and coming up short. All his focus on how Saeyoung's still holding his hand.

This situation needs to be reined in. Otherwise he might wind up doing something he shouldn’t. "If you're such a wild beast... maybe I should tame you," Saeran muses, confiscating the entire popcorn bowl.

"You'll get a treat it you behave."

**Saeyoung**

Someone in the movie is screaming, but it barely registers, Saeyoung's whole body practically melting through the floor as Saeran casually talks about taming him.

"T...tame me?" he can't help but repeat, staring more at Saeran than the confiscated popcorn.

"What should I do for you then, Saeran-ah?" he questions playfully. Saeran seems fine with everything they’ve done so far, so he can relax. It wasn’t too much. This is all fine.

"Roll over? Beg? Fetch?"

He rests his head against one of his arms on the floor, now completely focused on his twin.

"Hmm, what else does a tame creature do? Ah... repeat simple phrases? Dance?"

**Saeran**

The shift in Saeyoung's behaviour is worth a raised eyebrow. Saeran knows his brother would do anything if asked, but this...

(Did I hit on a kink of his?)

Saeran's intrigued.

"Looks like you can be tamed rather quickly. Glutton."

As he says this, Saeran takes a handful of popcorn.

"Why don't you fetch some napkins?"

**Saeyoung**

"Mm? That all you want me to do?"

It's an innocent question, but he doesn't feel very innocent.

Which is why he should absolutely play along with this little game. Some time in the kitchen alone would be good right now. He can cool down a little.

Saeran's playfulness is so enjoyable but at the same time, he's getting way too careless in response.

"Sure thing, master~" he teases, slipping out of the fort before Saeran can complain about the teasing, or, worse -

\- visibly enjoy it.

Both would be a problem for Saeyoung right now.

He pads out to the kitchen to dig the napkins out of a drawer.

**Saeran**

(..."Master"...)

Saeyoung is definitely flirting with him, while counting on Saeran being oblivious to it.

(Hah.)

They're both doing the same thing to each other, more or less.

(As long as it doesn't go too far... it's like any other game.) Or so Saeran tells himself. Still, sending Saeyoung away for a minute was intended to give Saeran a break, too. After everything that's passed, he doesn't want to ruin how they both have a good thing going right now.

When Saeyoung returns with napkins, Saeran has busied himself by rewinding the video and pausing it so that they can catch up.

**Saeyoung**

Saeyoung shuffles back inside the den with Saeran, bringing a handful of napkins with him.

"Oh. You paused it for me!"

As he settles back into place, he nudges Saeran's shoulder.

This is... nice. Challenging, yes, but... this is what he'd dreamed of for so long... the two of them casually relaxing in each other's company.

The underlying sexual tension wasn't part of those original dreams, but he's more than happy to suffer through some longing, and hide the occasional inappropriate erection, if it means he gets to enjoy this closeness regularly.

He places a napkin in front of his twin. "Well! I fetched!"

He leaves his arm next to Saeran's, just using the one to hold up his head.

"Do I get a reward?"

**Saeran**

He does.

Saeran uses a napkin to wipe down his hands properly, before using it to gently pat Saeyoung's head.

"Good boy. Have a treat."

His tone is both dry and amused, and he places the bowl of popcorn back in front of Saeyoung.

**Saeyoung**

Blinking at the bowl, Saeyoung's mouth hangs slightly open.

(I mean...)

It makes sense. They were just playing with pet metaphors.

So why is he left so totally speechless hearing Saeran say something like that?!

(What is this dynamic?!)

Seeing Saeran this lively is truly wonderful, though. It’s worth all the confusion and tension.

He... just hopes he can keep up.

"Purr, purr... ?" he offers, still looking at the bowl like it's a flying saucer.

But he reaches out and takes a single piece of popcorn, putting it into his mouth. And crunching down on it decisively.

Well, if he's now an obedient pet...

Saeran's lying mostly on his stomach right now, though angled slightly towards Saeyoung.

Saeyoung closes the small distance between them, snuggling up against Saeran much more than before. Tucking into his side the way a cat or dog might.

"Purr, purr… okay... ready?"

**Saeran**

Taming the Saeyoung-beast might look easy, but Saeran's struggling to tame the best within him now.

(I could just wrap my arm around him...)

No.

It'd be too much. Saeyoung was already nonplussed by him playing along.

Maybe Saeran could stroke down his back like he was an actual cat...

(Stop it.)

Instead, he shuffles in place so he's lying on his hands under his chest.

"Ready."

**Saeyoung**

They manage to keep their hands to themselves, for most of the rest of the film.

The way Saeran has accepted his touches and his closeness so easily… combined with those other things Saeyoung’s seen… and heard…

( _Does_ Saeran have some feelings that go beyond 'brotherly love', too?)

If only there was a way to find out without exposing himself...

(Idiot! Even if he does... you can't ever let yourself do anything about it.)

Saeyoung sighs, at a part of the movie that really makes no sense to sigh at, then commits to actually focusing on the plot.

Letting all the spectacle drown out the rest of his thoughts... enjoying his twin's warmth at his side, and nothing else.

Strangely, the film winds up having a happy ending. The heroine has defeated Frankie, and it seems her friends are going to be safe now, too... Saeyoung is surprised.

Still, everything seems to be wrapping up, and Saeran’s body next to his is so comfortable, Saeyoung starts to zone out – when the last jumpscare gets him, _good._ Frankie appearing from nowhere to take the heroine to her apparent death, after all.

"GyaHHH-!"

Now he really _does_ cling onto Saeran, and a good part of that is fuelled by his desire to do so for over an hour, now, but also – the jumpscare truly got him.

As the final scene plays out, he doesn't let go, although the initial squeeze of his twin’s arm relaxes into something more comfortable.

**Saeran**

On the other hand, Saeran saw it coming. The ending was too perfect. Of course the villain would come back in the last minute.

What _really_ surprises him is Saeyoung suddenly clinging to his arm, even long after the credits are over.

(Ah... it's warm...)

Pink rises to his cheeks.

Ducking his head, Saeran huffs slightly. "It wasn't that scary..."

**Saeyoung**

He doesn't want to let go.

He wants to wrap himself around Saeran _more._

"Saeran-ah..."

...he lets go.

"I was just surprised, is all... but, you hardly jumped at all during that movie. You really hadn't seen it before?"

Saeyoung can't keep the playful note out of his voice as he continues. "I had so many ideas on how to comfort you, too..."

He's... he's flirting again.

Redirect. Redirect!

"Like... well, we should probably do something relaxing after this, right? Even though you weren't scared. Just to change the pace."

He rolls his shoulders, and something makes a satisfying cracking sound. "Ugh... also, I kinda need to stretch out. It's nice in here, but I kinda need to move around for a bit. Maybe we can do the face masks next... I wanna guess which one you're going to pick, too, heh. Maybe apricot?"

**Saeran**

It really is too bad that the film didn't affect him all that much... he’s curious about how Saeyoung would intend to comfort him. Maybe if the next film is horror, he can just pretend he’s frightened…

…he’s not sure his pride will let him. Even for a chance to find out about that ‘comfort’.

A break sounds good, and a break to do something like that together sounds even better. Though he doesn’t want to give away his enthusiasm. "Sure. It's your party. You won fair and square."

(Maybe a face mask will help how sallow my skin looks…)

Zen swore by them, and Yoosung also seemed familiar. It wasn't just for ladies.

"Do you have a lot of different kinds?"

If so, what does Saeyoung use? His brother's skin seemed to glow sometimes.

**Saeyoung**

"Yup! I bought a mixed pack for tonight! This brand is nice, because not only are they good for you, but they also have really pleasing smells..."

Until Saeran had returned to his life, Saeyoung's self-care routines tended to be sporadic at best, though he'd always made an effort for RFA parties. With Saeran back, he’d been making an effort. In every way.

Saeyoung's already made a little spot on the floor for them to do this, with everything they need. As Saeran settles down next to the mask collection, Saeyoung raises the lighting a little so they can see what they're doing.

**Saeran**

Saeran glances at each packet, then pauses on one.

"Violet essence..." It's too good to pass up. "This one looks good."

**Saeyoung**

...is

...the universe trying to tell him something?

(It's just a coincidence.)

Saeyoung keeps his expression carefully neutral.

"Okay... that's a really good one for relaxation... and it helps stop skin from getting dry... it'll feel really soft, afterwards..."

(...)

He forces himself to stop lingering on the thought of touching it.

Although... why not?

It'll make the application easier, anyway.

"We need to cover everywhere on our faces except the sensitive skin under our eyes... it might be easier if you do mine and I do yours!"

**Saeran**

Saeran doesn't need to fake his astonished look. " _What_?" His cheeks gain a little of the glow he’s envied of Saeyoung’s, burning at the thought of his twin’s fingers caressing them. Saeran fumbles with his packet.

"Uh... Are you sure about that?"

He wants it. So, so badly. But it'd be dangerous to the both of them… Saeran can all too easily imagine leaning in for a kiss.

**Saeyoung**

"Ah, well..." It was too much. Of course it was. What was he thinking? Should he really be touching Saeran’s face when he has these weird feelings locked away, anyway?

“We could just go do it in the bathroom so we can see where we’re touching… oh, but, I guess you could just tell me.”

**Saeran**

"Ah... it’d be nicer to do it here, with the rest of the sleepover stuff," Saeran starts, before Saeyoung can fully backtrack. He can already see how the gears are working in reverse in his twin's head.

(Balancing all of this... is a little tiring.)

But so worth it, for the sweet moments.

"I can do yours. That way it’s more efficient, you won’t miss anything. So you can do the same, too."

Saeran glances back down at the packets, turning his over to inspect the text on the back. It’s better than meeting Saeyoung’s eyes. He’s sure if he does, it’ll be impossible to hide his anticipation.

"So...? Which one are you going to use?"

**Saeyoung**

Maybe he should pick something relaxing, too... help take the edge off his thoughts.

"Hmmm... maybe the bergamot-orange one."

He picks up the packet to read the description on the front. It has rose and vanilla mixed in with it too. "I like citrus scents…”

He looks back at his twin, who’s still fiddling with the face mask packet.

“Should I do yours first?”

**Saeran**

“Sounds good.”

Saeyoung sounds a little hesitant, so Saeran shuffles forward a little so that he’s within reach. He hands his brother the violet face mask packet. "This position will be okay for you, right?"

And maybe... if he sits close enough… Saeyoung would be tempted enough to...

No, he can't think like that. Though he still can’t quite meet Saeyoung’s eyes, either, and now he doesn’t have a packet to distract himself with.

So, he shuts his eyes. The picture of trust.

He can’t help leaning forward just a little, too. Almost like he’s expecting something else from Saeyoung.

**Saeyoung**

(Ah...)

Like that, it really looks like someone waiting for a kiss, although Saeran’s mouth is perfectly neutral.

(It would be so easy to just lean in, and...)

Saeyoung wets his lips with his tongue. Mouth suddenly dry.

"Y...yeah, okay... hah..."

He tears open the packet, and sniffs.

(Violet... and ylang-ylang?)

Of course. Of _course,_ there'd be an oil associated with aphrodisiacs in here. Saeyoung bites his lip and focuses on squeezing the mauve paste onto his fingertips.

"I'm just going to let it warm on my hand a couple seconds, so it isn't too cold on your skin... but, when I touch you, just let me know if it's still too cold, okay?"

(God, he's attractive.)

They might have the same features, but time had shaped them both in different ways. Same jawline, same nose, same patterns in their eyes...

If Saeran opened his eyes right now, Saeyoung feels like he'd never be able to look away.

"Okay, I think it's warm enough, so..." He reaches out to touch Saeran's jaw. It sends a tingle from his fingertips straight to his chest.

(I’m touching something… so precious.)

At first he just rubs tiny circles onto Saeran’s cheek, but then he notes the all-too-familiar tension line from ear to jaw – it’s a problem he has, too. He used to think it was all the fake smiling that made his jaw ache. Really, it was just another place he carried his tension.

"Here... your jaw… if I do this, it might help the tension you have there..." He brings his other hand to the other side of Saeran's face to steady it, and gently kneads with his thumb, loosening the jaw just a little.

**Saeran**

"Ah..."

Saeran's mouth naturally falls open from the touch, and he unintentionally lets out a breathless moan.

It feels... more than good. His jaw is tense, yes, but the feeling of Saeyoung's fingers tenderly stroking along his face...

(I want him to kiss me.)

He’s so close… he’s touching Saeran so gently…

(Just give in, and kiss me, already!)

(I’m right here!)

The desire aches within him so strongly, that Saeran has to curl fingers into his pyjama pants to prevent himself from dragging Saeyoung up against him.

**Saeyoung**

At the sound that leaves Saeran’s lips, Saeyoung’s chest thrums with the sound of his heartbeat, and his own lips part. (I want to kiss him...!)

"Ah..." he lets out, unable to stay entirely quiet when his desire is so strong.

It's a good thing you don't need to place any of the mask on the lips. He feels like if he touched Saeran's, it really would all be over.

 _Everything_ would be over.

"I can show you how to do that for yourself, later... oh, although I don't mind if you -"

(DON'T OFFER TO DO IT FOR HIM AGAIN!! YOU IDIOT!)

But... if Saeyoung does something like this regularly, surely, he’ll get used to it. And he’ll be able to do it without feeling so strongly.

(No. Impossible.)

He can't imagine a future where Saeran's touch... touching Saeran... doesn't ignite his every nerve ending.

But it's worth it, to burn like this. And Meta doesn't mind that their lover's mind is riddled with flames. So he’ll burn himself to ashes, just to enjoy this moment of closeness with his brother.

So long as he never lets the flames touch his twin...

It's fine.

**Saeran**

Saeran can sense Saeyoung's tension. He can _feel_ the heat radiating off his brother. Much as he wants Saeyoung to give in to it, he knows it’s fruitless.

So he focuses on what Saeyoung had been saying.

"I..?"

**Saeyoung**

"Uh... well, I was going to say I could do this for you other times, too, if you wanted, but... uh..."

He trails off. What can he say that won't expose himself?

"Oh, I better hurry, haha, or the first parts will dry out before I do the rest.”

Rubbing the paste over Saeran's forehead is a little less fraught... though something about dragging his fingers in lines down Saeran's nose causes his breath to catch again. Perhaps because it's easy to admire the shape, when drawing on it like this.

Saeyoung finishes, faintly proud of himself for resisting temptation, all the while being ashamed of himself that he has to resist at all.

"Th...there. Now we just need to leave it on a half hour or so."

**Saeran**

Saeran's pursed his lips in displeasure, clearly at the fact Saeyoung offered no good explanation.

He knows very well there isn't one.

With a sigh, Saeran opens his eyes and resists touching his face. It feels weird with all the goop on it.

Still, it smells nice. He can cope with it for half an hour.

"...Shall we go ahead and do yours then?"

**Saeyoung**

"Yeah... sounds good."

He hands Saeran the bergamot-orange mask, after wiping his hands on a towel he had prepared. Then closes his eyes, resting his palms carefully flat on his knees.

They'll need to stay there for now. No matter how much he wants to reach out.

**Saeran**

As soon as Saeran scoops some of the paste into his fingers, he immediately notices the smell - even over his own mask.

"Oh! This is... haha, you're going to smell like something sweet."

Gently, he starts smoothing it along Saeyoung's cheeks. Rubbing slow, small circles into his twin's skin... (So smooth.)

He’s enjoying this.

"I almost want to eat you up..." Saeran confesses, using his earlier comment as a cover.

**Saeyoung**

(I'm in heaven)

He might be being burned to a crisp with the desires setting alight his every cell, but still.

It's heaven.

"Mmm..." he responds at first, the sound low and rumbly in his chest. (I want you to...)

"Ah... although I don't think the masks taste that good, haha..."

His laugh is just a little tremulous, Saeran's every movement stealing most of his attention.

"There's a few desserts that taste the way this smells, though... I should take you out on a patisserie date... we could buy a few kinds and -"

The way Saeran's fingertips trail down from his jaw almost to his neck at that moment -

" - mmmph..."

It's not a moan, just a small, pleased sound.

Still, he shuts his mouth after making it, embarrassed.

**Saeran**

"I'd like that," Saeran replies, voice low and hushed as he drags fingers along the bottom of Saeyoung's jaw to the tip of his chin. Truly getting every plane of Saeyoung's face.

It's very much more akin to the touch of a lover than that of a brother doing a favour. At least Saeran can always feign ignorance. It's just so difficult to resist, when Saeyoung's pleasure is so obvious.

Then again, so is his.

(You're so transparent.)

The thought could be directed at either of them.

**Saeyoung**

Saeyoung finds himself tilting his head towards the hand, just as someone would when being touched by a lover. Thoughts utterly aligned with his twin.

"...haah."

He attempts to focus on the conversation, and not how he could turn his head and take those fingers into his mouth so easily -

\- although, as he'd told Saeran, the taste wouldn't really be so sweet.

"Let's do it soon..." he breathes, and the way he says it sounds like he's talking about something else entirely. "There's a place I've seen flyers for in the city..."

**Saeran**

Finally, Saeran smoothes the mask over Saeyoung's nose and forehead. Taking extra care, since the urge to grab Saeyoung's face and kiss him is so strong.

"I'll look forward to it," he purrs, voice sounding particularly sinful.

Oops.

Clearing his throat, Saeran pulls his hands back abruptly.

"Ah, I'm done."

Any more and there would be real danger.

**Saeyoung**

It’s all over so fast. But they still have more time to wait before they can remove the masks.

"Okay. Hmmm... as for what's next, we could try out my nail polish...?"

**Saeran**

As much as Saeran yearns to share touch with Saeyoung some more... he knows it's better to have a breather before doing any more.

"We can leave the nails for later."

Leaning back, Saeran reaches for his phone. Needing the distraction.

**Saeyoung**

Fortunately, that's what they find.

MC, Yoosung and Zen are all online, MC sharing photos of Jaehee's latest cake.

(Ah, that's true. We could always go back to their cafe, too.)

But Saeyoung would rather...

If he's going to enjoy Saeran's company fully... he'd rather not have the pressure of the RFA member's eyes on them. What if one of them noticed something?

Safer to go to the place he had a flyer for. Besides, the other place specialised in fruit tarts and custard, and he's interested to see all the different kinds available himself.

(Or maybe this is just me being possessive again) he thinks, keeping his eyes carefully on his phone.

> MC: twin attack!!
> 
> Zen: lololol
> 
> Zen: sometimes your greetings are just as weird as Seven's, lmao
> 
> 707: lololol
> 
> 707: hi MC, Zen, Yoosung
> 
> 707: what's happening
> 
> MC: just showing off the gf's cooking lol
> 
> 707: nice
> 
> 707: we'll have to stop by again soon ^^
> 
> MC: please do!
> 
> Yoosung: lookf gooodd
> 
> Zen: ;;;
> 
> Zen: Did you start gaming in the middle of our conversation -_-

**Saeran**

> Saeran: I'm surprised he hasn't run into hyung and his flame on LOLOL yet for all the time he spends on it

That much is certainly true. Saeran was expecting to come across SupermanYoosung for a while now, but it seems they missed each other despite often playing simultaneously.

> Yoosung: mayb e wer on different serversd

(Oh, good point.)

He hadn't looked into that.

Anyway, it doesn't matter. If anything, it’s a relief. Yoosung meeting Meta could lead to all kinds of additional questions from the RFA.

> Zen: lol damn
> 
> Zen: you could've gotten pics for us

Case in point.

**Saeyoung**

> 707: Zen lol
> 
> 707: are you going to rate my character's selfies lol
> 
> Yoosung: hmang on
> 
> Yoosung: ve got one for you
> 
> Yoosung posts a screenshot of his character in spiky armour, standing against a stormy scene.
> 
> 707: lolol nice
> 
> 707: u completed the set
> 
> Yoosung: ya
> 
> Yoosung: BRB when infimis this quwst
> 
> 707: have fun lol
> 
> [Yoosung has logged out]
> 
> Zen: He's been playing more lately;;
> 
> MC: It's student holidays!
> 
> MC: he's probably making up for lost time
> 
> MC: given he worked so hard this semester
> 
> MC:... well...
> 
> MC: maybe not exactly a break…
> 
> MC: it’s a study break week right now
> 
> Zen: then... shouldn't he be studying?;;
> 
> MC: maybe he's done already...
> 
> 707: maybe I should log on with a character on his server and bother him to study
> 
> Zen: DO IT lmao
> 
> 707: ;;;
> 
> 707: Well... not right now
> 
> 707: I'm busy tonight
> 
> [Yoosung has entered the chat room]
> 
> [Yoosung cranky emote]
> 
> Yoosung: I'm on top of things!!
> 
> Yoosung: This is the first time I could play all week!!
> 
> Yoosung: I was just trying to multitask this evening >_<
> 
> MC: Well, welcome back Yoosung haha
> 
> MC: But, what are you up to tonight, Seven?

**Saeran**

Should he answer for his brother? Would that be weird...?

Well, they're twins, so...

On the other hand, it might be more fun to make them speculate.

> Saeran: I lost a bet.
> 
> Saeran: Guess what he's making me do.

**Saeyoung**

> Zen: omg
> 
> Zen: I can only imagine;;;
> 
> Zen: Something weird I bet
> 
> 707: lololol
> 
> 707: like what?
> 
> 707: I'm open to new ideas
> 
> Yoosung: Hangliding?
> 
> Zen: while on the messenger?;;;
> 
> MC: I could see that happening
> 
> 707: nope. cooler than that.
> 
> Zen: ... are you at a concert for some weird band?
> 
> 707: ooh, sounds interesting
> 
> 707: but no
> 
> MC: Okay... hmmm... repainting his bedroom with a kitten mural?
> 
> Zen: ugh;;;
> 
> MC: Oh, sorry Zen!!
> 
> Zen: It's okay; Just don't send pics if that's what you're doing, Seven;;
> 
> 707: bzzzzzt!
> 
> 707: wrong, wrong!
> 
> 707: all wrong!!!
> 
> 707: we're having
> 
> [707 love emote]
> 
> 707: A  S L E E P O V E R  P A R T Y!!!
> 
> [707 love emote]
> 
> Zen: Wait, but aren't you always sleeping with each other?
> 
> MC: Uh;
> 
> Yoosung: lolol
> 
> Zen: you know what I mean;;

**Saeran**

Saeran face-palms at Zen’s comment, only to get a handful of sticky fluid. "Ah, damn..."

Amazing how easy it was to forget he was wearing a mask.

"I'm going to wash this off. I think it's about time anyway..." he tells Saeyoung, putting his phone aside.

**Saeyoung**

"Yeah, that should be long enough," Saeyoung agrees. As Saeran goes to wash his face, Saeyoung continues to chat.

The more they hear about the sleepover, the more jealous the other RFA members seem.

> Zen: That really isn't much of a punishment for losing a bet haha
> 
> MC: Seven probably can't bring himself to do anything that would make Saeran actually unhappy ^^
> 
> Zen: Hm, that's true.
> 
> Yoosung: Wish Seven would do the same for us T_T
> 
> 707: hey lol
> 
> 707 what have I done to you lately
> 
> MC: "lately" haha
> 
> Zen: that's like admitting you do it most of the time lmao

**Saeran**

When Saeran returns, it's obvious the mask has done its work. His face is shiny and glowing in a way that it typically doesn't.

It feels good too. Leaving his skin feeling refreshed and tingly.

(I might be converted...)

Trading places with Saeyoung, who goes off to wash his face too, Saeran picks his phone up and quickly catches up on the chat.

> Saeran: this is a little different from our usual
> 
> Saeran: there's a fort... And we're doing face masks right now
> 
> Saeran: there's nail polish for later too
> 
> Zen: [shock emote]
> 
> Zen: seriously!?
> 
> Zen: hey... why wasn't I invited?
> 
> Yoosung: Yeah!
> 
> Yoosung: we could've had a party!
> 
> MC: I want to join in too~

... Saeran should've seen that coming. While he's not against the idea of a larger party, it's nice to have a special evening that belonged only to him and Saeyoung too.

**Saeyoung**

Saeyoung hops back into chat while he’s still walking back to the lounge room, keen not to miss anything.

> 707: well, party coordinator,
> 
> 707: perhaps you now have a theme for our next party
> 
> [707 glasses flash emoji]
> 
> 707: You're welcome lol
> 
> MC: Oh, that's a good idea!
> 
> MC: though, I'd like to do a smaller one with just the RFA, too
> 
> Zen: maybe we can consider theirs the early test run
> 
> [707 cranky emoji]
> 
> 707: what!!
> 
> 707: ours is already perfect
> 
> 707: how dare u~
> 
> 707: all others are merely shadows on the cave walls!
> 
> Zen: the what;;

On reaching the loungeroom, Saeyoung leans against the doorframe to finish chatting before he returns to the floor.

> 707: anyway,
> 
> 707: i'm gonna go hang with saeran more,
> 
> 707: c u guys~
> 
> 707: looking forward to that party invite, MC~
> 
> [707 has left the chatroom]

**Saeran**

> MC: Is it just me, or is he a bit short tonight?
> 
> Saeran: ...

It's true. Saeyoung was a little more impatient with the messenger than usual.

That might be his fault.

> Yoosung: Yeah...
> 
> Zen: Really?
> 
> Zen: Oh
> 
> Zen: it must be because this is a bonding thing with his brother...
> 
> Yoosung: and we did kinda butt in;;
> 
> Zen: oops;;

...well, that too. Though it's more likely linked to Saeyoung's own feelings of possessiveness.

Glancing up, Saeran considers his twin a moment.

(...He does look a bit unhappy, standing there... is it because I'm still on the messenger?)

He can understand that. He's often felt jealous of the time Saeyoung spent on there with the RFA.

> Saeran: It's fine... we wanted to chat.
> 
> Saeran: I'm heading off too though.

His farewell is quickly met with a chorus of good nights, and Saeran logs off.

"Your skin looks nicer..." he says to Saeyoung awkwardly, hoping it'll lift his spirits.

**Saeyoung**

(...Saeran's worrying about me.)

The fact that Saeran's trying to cheer him up makes him feel ten times warmer than the compliment itself. He channels that warmth into the smile he returns to his twin.

"I think you're looking a little brighter now, too!"

He means it. The slight glow Saeran gets at the compliment only further proves his words.

"Ah... so, I have a bunch of different polishes we could use, next. I even have a top layer that will make them glow in the dark!"

He moves back to where Saeran is sitting and flops down, placing his chin in his hand, giving his twin a lopsided grin. "Maybe we should make our fingers spooky~"

**Saeran**

"You can make _your_ fingers spooky," Saeran retorts. If all it took was a compliment to make Saeyoung feel better, he won't hold back.

Besides, he may be willing to go along with whatever Saeyoung's planned tonight, but he still wants to control his own look. And he prefers something simple.

"I'll stick with black."

**Saeyoung**

"Black is a little spooky too, you know," Saeyoung responds, without any ill feeling.

It's easy enough to set themselves up with their chosen polish - a black plus a transparent top layer for Saeran, and a pumpkin orange and a glow in the dark top layer for Saeyoung.

Saeyoung shuffles closer and reaches out his hand for his brother’s. (It makes sense we’d do each other’s nails, too, after all.)

"Let's do your prep first!"

**Saeran**

He doesn't mention that he's painted his own nails before, and is perfectly capable of doing it now. Why pass up another chance for contact and attention from his brother? So instead he quietly places his hand into Saeyoung's with the lightest of touches.

Though…

Saeran glances down to his fingers. They're long and knobbly, from years of typing and starvation.

"...you're right. With black polish, these really would look skeletal."

**Saeyoung**

It hurts to see the shadow fall across Saeran’s face as he describes himself in such a way. Saeyoung covers his twin's hand with his opposite palm.

"I don't think so," he murmurs, letting his own fingers stroke once along the back of Saeran's hand, from wrist to nails.

He wants to take his twin's hand and kiss every fingertip, every knuckle. If only Saeran knew how light it made him feel, receiving even the smallest touch from these fingers. And that had nothing to do with his romantic feelings for his twin. Saeran’s proximity made Saeyoung feel warm in all kinds of platonic ways, too.

He leaves it at that, picking up a cuticle tool and gently working it along Saeran's nail bed, all the while holding his hand like it's a valuable piece of art. Moving from finger to finger with care until the prep is completed, then placing Saeran's hand down to repeat his actions on the other.

Though he places Saeran's prepped hand down on his own knee. It feels good to have it rest there, and it'll be easier to paint the nails like that when he gets to them, anyway.

It’s just convenient. Logical.

**Saeran**

Saeran doesn't see his hands like Saeyoung does, but the special treatment is enough to make him blush again. Plus... It's nice to know that the person you love enjoys how your hands look and feel.

It feels strange to have someone treat and cut his nails though, when they've been bitten and misshapen for so long.

"I used to paint my nails to try and stop chewing on them..." he confides, looking down at them as Saeyoung works. "It didn't work very well..."

Despite the bitterness, it made him want to chew more. The compulsion to peel the paint away too strong.

(I wonder if I'll go back to that habit...)

He wants to treat Saeyoung's work preciously, but it's such an ingrained behaviour.

**Saeyoung**

"Maybe if we kept this up, you might find yourself doing it less..." Saeyoung muses, gently smoothing the shape of one nail into a crescent. "Though even if you didn't, I'd still like them..."

He keeps his gaze low, turning pink at the sentiment but unwilling to keep it to himself when his brother is sharing so much with him.

He wants to share his own feelings, back.

"Ah, not that that's the important part... I used to bite mine a lot more, when I was with the Agency... the corners would often get inflamed and throb, and that just made me want to keep biting... but if you can make the pendulum swing the other way..."

He runs his finger over the shape of the nail, to detect any minor frayed edges with his skin. Satisfied, he moves to the next, taking the time to let his fingers slightly caress Saeran's as he changes his grip.

"Sometimes all you need is a few little improvements... and it just gets easier... to keep on moving in the direction you want..."

This nail is much shorter than the others - Saeran seems to pick on his pointer fingers the most. Saeyoung spends extra time buffing at the top, so it's smooth, even if not as grown out at the others.

He circles his thumb over the top of it with satisfaction once the last small crack is buffed away.

"I know that... living with you again, has helped me start to swing that pendulum... makes me want to be a better person... I'm working on it, but."

He finishes prepping the second hand, placing it back down on his knee, too.

"Feels like I can do it, with you here."

**Saeran**

The pads of Saeran's fingers tingle from Saeyoung's treatment, and this time Saeran's simply enjoying his brother's love for what it is rather than trying to prod and provoke him into validating his own feelings.

"...I feel like... I'm changing direction, too..." There's still a lot of old, bad habits he has... including masquerading as someone else in LOLOL rather than approaching his twin honestly.

But that resulted in real life progress and acceptance of his own feelings and failings, right?

(The good outweighs the bad.) There's plenty to account for even now, but... if tonight is anything to go by, the improvement for them both is all too obvious.

Saeran just hopes it lasts.

"I don't know where I'll end up... and sometimes that scares me," he confesses. There was always the chance Meta’s identity was uncovered, or that Saeyoung falls out of love. Or one day Saeran will snap, and go too far, then have to endure the pain of Saeyoung rejecting him for both their sakes…

Even now, he's rubbing the pads of his free hand into Saeyoung's knee, compelled by their closeness.

"But I think... if I have you..."

(Then everything will be alright.)

Regardless of their frustrated physical desires.

"I know... I've not been the best brother to you," Saeran continues, the intimate atmosphere putting him in a mood to try confessing his troubles. Since everything has been going so well... maybe, just maybe, Saeyoung won't treat him like glass.

"Sometimes there's things you do or say... that remind me of… certain things. Or I feel something and it gets so intense that I have to shut everything down... but I want to be better. I want... to be someone different."

Meta was one way of experimenting with that.

**Saeyoung**

Silently, Saeyoung takes his brother's hands and threads his fingers between his twin's, though he lets them continue to rest against his knees.

"If that different someone makes you happy, then of course, I'll support it. But I've never been disappointed with you as a brother, Saeran-ah. My only wish is that I can be at your side from now on. And see you become whoever and whatever you want to be."

He wants to raise their entwined hands to seal his words with a kiss, but he gives them a squeeze, instead. "I'm so happy to be able to talk like this with you... not only do you not disappoint me, Saeran... you make me happy to be in the world, too. Because I got to meet you."

**Saeran**

Saeran's eyes gazes down at their entwined hands, eyelashes dark against his cheeks. His lips quirk into a smile. "We're twins. We never met... We always _were_.”

Only, will Saeyoung really be happy if he's changed?

"You say all of that so easily... but when we were younger, you made me promise to stay the same... isn't that still what you want?"

Saeran still remembers how betrayed Saeyoung looked, at their first reunion, when he realized who Saeran was.

**Saeyoung**

The betrayal was all directed at the people Saeyoung had thought he could trust with his twin - but it can't have been a great expression to be met with.

"Yeah... I did. That gentle part of you that reaches out and intertwines with that matching part of me... but, that part’s still there."

Saeyoung smiles, softly. "That's why we can talk like this, right? Because we still share something between us that won’t ever change... even if we do."

**Saeran**

Saeran doesn't mention that for a long time, they could barely talk at all. Well-aware that much of that was his fault - he didn't want to listen to Saeyoung.

Though he can’t argue Saeyoung’s other comment. He opened up, because there was a part of him deep down that craved re-connection. And... more.

"Is it really what you meant, though...?" he mutters to himself, before shaking his head. "Let's keep it simple. You were doing my nails?"

**Saeyoung**

"Mm. I was doing your nails," Saeyoung agrees, happy to leave it there.

"We should prep mine next, otherwise you could damage your polish helping me with that part," he suggests, freeing Saeran's hand.

**Saeran**

"Uh – okay." Saeran isn't certain he can do as good a job, but he'll try.

Changing the grip he has on Saeyoung's hand, he reaches for the tools. It helps that Saeyoung did his hand first, so he knows how to use them.

Each movement is precise, but Saeran takes it slow. Enjoying the sensation of Saeyoung's hand in his. His thumb subconsciously rubbing circles into the soft flesh of Saeyoung's palm, mimicking what Saeyoung did to him not long ago.

Once satisfied with the cuticles, he starts work on the nails.

**Saeyoung**

Saeyoung is happy to watch in silence. In fact, as Saeran progresses, he winds up closing his eyes, allowing his twin to work on each finger in his own time. Enjoying that sensation of being touched by the one he loves.

After such an emotionally intense conversation, it's nice to recover in a little silence, too.

As Saeran finishes the last nail, Saeyoung opens his eyes again, the room seeming far brighter than it was before.

"Ah, they look good. Okay - time to add some polish! I'll do my best to keep my hand steady..."

He places the first hand he wants to paint on his knee like before, then takes the bottle of black polish.

"The way I learned to do it is by making the one, long stroke in the centre first, then slowly moving to each side... I think it's to do with letting the excess paint get onto the nail first, then working it across..."

His initial swipes are true, and the first layer of black on Saeran's thumb turns out neat and tidy.

"I learned this from MeTube... like a lot of things... although it was through the Agency that I learned how to use make-up..."

**Saeran**

"I learned a lot through MeTube too."

Though the mention of the Agency makes Saeran pause. "I thought you perfected your make up through cosplay."

**Saeyoung**

"Yeah... I definitely got better at it, doing that..."

Finishing the first layer of polish for each nail, Saeyoung begins applying the second coat.

"My Agency training was all about changing the shape of the face and adding or removing distinguishing features... whereas learning how to do a good smoky eye... yeah, that was all me..."

He sounds faintly proud of that part.

"Hmmm, one more layer, I think..."

**Saeran**

Saeran's fingers twitch in Saeyoung's hand, already yearning to grip his twin so that this doesn’t end. So that he never lets go.

(It... was good while it lasted.)

And it’s nice that Saeyoung's opening up to him about the Agency and his feelings about it, minor as the comments may be.

"It's interesting..." he thinks aloud, "how you turned to cosplay, while I went with alt-fashion... now that I think about it, it was a similar way of escape."

**Saeyoung**

Saeyoung works on the third layer as Saeran replies, then gets out the clear protective top coat to finish the job.

He's happy with how it's all looking. They should last a decent while, after they've set.

"Becoming someone else..." he responds, turning Saeran's comment over in his head. "Yeah... it did offer some relief. We thought the same way, underneath it all...?"

He finishes up, taking each of Saeran's hands and blowing on them a couple times, just to ensure they set a tiny bit before he does anything else.

"When I'm frustrated with something I can't control, that's definitely when I want to leave my mark on something I _can_ change..."

He presses his palm flat against one of Saeran's. "We got deep again, haha." He releases the pressure against Saeran's palm and holds out his hands, ready for his twin to paint his nails a spicy orange.

**Saeran**

He considers his own nails before looking to Saeyoung's. Half to check if they’d finished setting, half because his twin's word resonate with him.

"Leaving your mark, huh..."

(Is this the same? He can't control his feelings for me... but he can leave me changed.)

Would Saeyoung think of this time his brother allowed him to hold his hand, every time he caught sight of the colour on Saeran’s nails? Saeyoung himself admitted how possessive he could be. Maybe this was his way of claiming just a little part of his twin.

It's a grim thought that's equally titillating. Saeran wants to be claimed _much_ more.

But Saeyoung's right. They're getting deep. Pushing the thoughts aside and satisfied with how dry his polish is, Saeran takes Saeyoung's hand again. Ready to paint.

**Saeyoung**

Though at first he tries not to make Saeran self-conscious, Saeyoung keeps finding his eyes drawn up to his brother's face as Saeran works.

He mustn't be doing a good job of hiding it, because partway through Saeran raises his eyes to meet his. Considering himself caught, Saeyoung stutters.

"A-ah... I like your concentrating expression..."

**Saeran**

...Cute...

It's nice to know that Saeran isn't the only one who is captivated by the other, any which way they may look.

"That expression of yours isn't so bad right now either," he replies, playful but meaning it.

**Saeyoung**

If Saeran didn't already know about his twin's attraction, he'd surely have suspicions after this, because that response has Saeyoung glowing in the dark nearly as much as his bottle of top coat.

The twitching of fingers against Saeran's hand is a pretty obvious tell, too. Saeyoung's just fortunate his brother had the brush raised as he said it. Otherwise he might have a streak of orange over a finger.

"Hah..." is Saeyoung's only response, fighting the urge to bury his face in his hands again. He can't. He'd get polish everywhere, for sure. So instead he fizzes quietly with barely repressed bubbles of happiness from the attention, as Saeran finishes off the colour.

**Saeran**

"That rendered you speechless?" Saeran wonders, as he swaps the polish for the top coat.

Sure, he's been struck silent before too... but it took more than a half-compliment.

Is it because its rarer, coming from him?

**Saeyoung**

"I can talk..." Saeyoung protests weakly, "you just surprised me, that's all. Though if you're going to compliment me every time you want me to stop talking, I can't really complain about that..."

**Saeran**

Rather than respond, Saeran delicately lifts Saeyoung's hand to blow on his fingernails, lips precariously close to his brother's finger pads.

Of course, he's only making sure that the polish has set.

"There... I think it's done."

**Saeyoung**

Saeyoung doesn't risk replying with words, lips too keen to do something else.

Once they're both confident their polish won't chip, they switch around to the pedicure. Saeyoung sitting alongside Saeran's leg and lifting his foot onto his knee.

"Your skin's actually pretty soft here..." he notes, running his fingers over his twin's foot.

(I wonder...)

He runs his thumb over the arch.

Yup.

Muscles are tense there, too.

**Saeran**

In a jerk reaction, Saeran pulls his foot back.

"T...that tickles," he mutters, ducking his head to the side.

And it does.

But the feeling also sends a rush of pleasure up through him, completely unexpected.

**Saeyoung**

(Cute!)

Saeyoung carefully retrieves Saeran's foot. "Ah, what if I use more pressure? It might not tickle you then? Otherwise later on I could at least show you some things I do to loosen them up..."

This time his touch is firm and precise, without the gentler initial exploratory stroke. "How's that?"

**Saeran**

It's better now Saeran's expecting it, though his toes still curl.

"Ah... it's okay now. Nice, even. I think."

**Saeyoung**

“You _think?”_

Saeyoung can’t help but grin at the ambiguity.

“Well, if you ever want to loosen them up, rub along here, like this… ah, I’ll do the other foot, just to even it out. If you do this regularly, you’ll feel much more comfortable – a lot of people don’t realise just how much difference it can make. It’s something I taught myself to do… some missions, I had to stand for so many hours… not even moving from a single spot. You can do something similar with your hands, too…”

Done with the brief demonstration, he preps Saeran's toenails for the polish - and this time, it makes sense to move straight onto colouring them.

As he swipes paint onto Saeran's toes, he can't help but beam down at them. They look good. Saeran's feet have been left alone, compared to his nails. With a little more care, Saeran's fingernails could look just as healthy.

**Saeran**

When Saeyoung finishes with one foot, Saeran wiggles his toes. Very much of the same mind.

"Not bad."

Though his feet were a little knobbly too, they certainly weren't as abused as his hands were.

**Saeyoung**

“Yeah, it looks good on you,” Saeyoung agrees, giving the foot a final pleased look.

The other is straightforward enough, and it’s… nice, how used to touching Saeran he’s getting. Even though his heart still longs for more, Saeyoung’s at least able to focus on what he’s doing without having to fight back impulses the whole time.

This was a good idea, after all.

“Done!”

He shuffles backward to sit at Saeran’s side, leaning into him a little. “You look great!”

**Saeran**

"With your help," Saeran points out, though there’s no ill-feeling to it.

Being able to sit and do this together comfortably... it's exactly the sort of relationship he wanted for so long. It's good to know that they can be at peace with one another. That doesn't change the fact that Saeran still loves and yearns for his own twin, but it helps.

"Your turn?"

**Saeyoung**

Saeyoung lingers at his twin's side another moment, but makes an affirmative noise, and shuffles around to give Saeran easy access to his feet.

They look a little funny sticking out of the legs of his Backpack Monster costume.

**Saeran**

Saeran is as careful with the toes as he was with the fingers. Flexing them slightly the way Saeyoung massaged his feet, too, and even blowing on them at the end so they set.

"...Okay. What do you think?"

The first foot is done.

**Saeyoung**

His brother's breath tickles a little, but in a pleasant way.

Saeyoung wiggles his toes, happily.

"The colour is so even... you did it perfectly~"

**Saeran**

The perfectionist in Saeran preens, despite it being such a small thing.

"Good. I wouldn't want you to be unhappy with my work."

With that, he takes Saeyoung's other foot. Resting it in his lap so that he can paint it more easily.

**Saeyoung**

Saeyoung feels warm seeing the faintly pleased micro-expression that briefly passes over his brother's face.

Realising soon the touching will end, he concentrates on every small movement, relishing it while he can.

**Saeran**

Alas, all good things must come to an end.

Saeran hesitates noticeably when he's done, before gently removing the foot from his lap.

"That's that... now what?"

More movies? It feels like they've done all they could for a sleepover.

**Saeyoung**

Nodding, Saeyoung fans his toes with a piece of paper, keen to ensure his brother's careful work won't be smudged.

"Another movie would be good... every sleepover needs at least two movies."

He leans over to pull the wireless keyboard and mouse from their lair.

Navigating back to their list of options.

"Wanna try a comedy, to balance out the scary one?"

**Saeran**

A scary movie would give him more opportunities to be held again, but Saeran knows it’s too much to hope for. He should be satisfied with what he’s had already. So, he shrugs.

"Comedy is fine… if the movie is _actually_ funny."

**Saeyoung**

"Well, actually... I was thinking… there’s one I saw... years ago.. I wanted to show you... as soon as I started watching it, it made me miss you so much, haha... it's cute and funny, too."

Saeyoung scrolls down to 'Road to El Borado'. An animated film.

**Saeran**

"It made you... miss me?"

How? Were there twins involved?

If Saeyoung’s trying to win him over, Saeran’s well on the way there.

**Saeyoung**

Saeyoung nods, warming to the subject. "It reminded me of the adventures I wanted to take you on..."

**Saeran**

That piques Saeran's curiosity even further. "Are you trying not to spoil me?"

Seems like he won’t get anything more from his twin without watching it himself. And the temptation of watching it, while thinking about Saeyoung thinking about him…

It’s appropriately meta.

And it makes him feel warm, to have an actual example of a time Saeyoung missed him. For so long he thought such feelings were unreciprocated.

(I wonder... if I kept thinking the feelings I have now weren't returned...)

Maybe he would've turned bitter and resentful again. Or maybe... He would've lived in wistful hope, as he did before Mint Eye. Thankfully, it's a problem he doesn't have to solve.

If he’d had even the smallest doubt Saeyoung meant what he’d confessed to Meta online, this evening has well and truly cemented that fact: Saeyoung _loves_ him.

Maybe he’ll see more of that in the movie, too.

“If you think I’ll like it, then I’ll give it a shot.”

**Saeyoung**

"Yeah... I hope you will..."

That wistful feeling he’d felt as a teen in a foreign land studying with students far older than him, missing his twin terribly, comes through in his voice.

“So…” he reaches out to tug lightly at Saeran's hand. "Come watch it with me..."

**Saeran**

"There's no need to beg." Saeran comments, moving back to the fort to settle in and make himself comfortable.

He never liked it much when it felt like someone was trying to wheedle him into something.

Especially when it is his own brother.

**Saeyoung**

"Nah... that was me trying unsuccessfully to make you think I'm cute," Saeyoung replies lightly, not letting Saeran's somewhat thorny reaction get him down. "Guess you think I'm done with my training."

Begging had been one of the options alongside fetching, after all.

He dims the lights back to movie-watching level, then joins Saeran in the fort to start the film.

**Saeran**

It's a relief Saeyoung doesn't take the scolding too badly, and even gives Saeran an opening he can't resist.

"If it's the training we're talking about, there's far better things I'd make you beg for."

Let Saeyoung's imagination run wild with _that_ , as the movie begins.

**Saeyoung**

(Does he realise how that sounds?!)

Saeyoung’s tempted to say something more, but he doesn’t want to talk over the opening scene of the film – it’s one of his favourite parts.

It’s a quirky introduction of the two male leads, and their effortless ability to swindle a crowd as gamblers and performers. Working in synch – a well-matched pair.

They might not be brothers, but he could see himself and Saeran in them, all the same.

And the idea of travelling from place to place, outsmarting others with their wits and misdirection...

Being inseparable friends...

Those same feelings he had watching this for the first time rise again.

He’d been so painfully aware of his twin’s absence, when he watched this. So desperate to share the story and the experience. Wishing Saeran was by his side… just like they used to snuggle together to look out the window.

But, Saeran is with him, now...

(I missed you so badly...)

…but it’s not quite how it used to be.

“Hey, Saeran-ah…” Saeyoung starts, in a break in the dialogue for another musical number.

“I want to hold you like I used to, before.”

He knows Saeran will know what he means. And there’s no begging in his voice, this time.

But they _were_ talking about that part of themselves that had remained unchanged. The parts carried over from when they were children… maybe it’s wrong to want to recreate that time. They’re not the same as they were then. And his romantic feelings complicate things.

But… the memories of when he was sixteen, and missing Saeran like crazy, and just wishing he could hold him like he had for years, and share the film together…

"Is that okay?"

**Saeran**

It's so blunt that Saeran isn't sure he heard right at first.

A second passes and he determines that Saeyoung did, in fact, just ask to cuddle with him.

It's so bold that Saeran briefly wonders if this is his twin. (What is this?)

Until recently, Saeyoung had always been frustratingly over-cautious about pushing Saeran like this. Especially when it came to physical contact.

Until recently…

Was his brother asking Saeran because of how things improved lately? They _had_ been touching more… Or was he asking out of being lovesick, and wanting anything he could get?

Saeran could mull it over all day, but first he needs to give Saeyoung an answer.

"Uh... okay."

(Ugh... I sound so dumb.)

**Saeyoung**

(He said 'okay'.)

(He said 'okay'!)

He's so happy he wants to pull Saeran into a cuddle and squeeze him like crazy. Wrap him up in the blankets of the fort and roll around in them, clinging to his twin.

Instead, he takes a breath - then one more, just to be sure.

Then he shifts, and lifts the arm closest to Saeran's body. Then he overlaps Saeran with it, upper arm resting over his brother’s shoulder blades, fingers laying lightly just above Saeran’s hip.

Or, to be precise - his fingers curl lightly around Saeran's waist.

"Ahh."

The sigh is released unintentionally, as the tension he's been holding in over the question dissipates with the warmth of his twin's body. (This is... more than I could have hoped for.)

His heart is light.

He wants to tell Saeran how much he'd missed him... how much he'd missed sleeping next to him...

But the song is ending, and he doesn't want his brother to miss any of the cute moments in this film.

So he just breathes, and absorbs the blissful feeling that comes from having his arm around the one he loves more than anything.

**Saeran**

If it was meant to be _exactly_ how they used to hold each other, they’d be overlapping a little more, but. He can understand his brother’s restraint, given the feelings he’s holding back. Saeran can't help but chuckle, though it could be taken as laughing at Saeyoung's exaggerated sigh.

Comfortable and happy in the arms of the one _he_ loves, Saeran continues watching the movie.

**Saeyoung**

It feels like Saeran relaxes against his arm. A relief.

If they're both comfortable, he has nothing to worry about.

The film progresses without further interruption. It seems an inevitability that their breaths slowly synch.

Though Saeyoung does have the mild distraction all people have when showing a film they love to someone else for the first time: (is he enjoying it?)

Saeyoung sneaks a glance at him, admiring his twin's profile in the light of the television screen.

(...he really is beautiful.)

The two protagonists of the film wind up arguing and going their own ways for a time. Although, it's an inevitability they'll reunite. When apart, the absence of the other clearly felt.

**Saeran**

"...So this is the kind of relationship you want?" Saeran can't help but ask.

Why else would Saeyoung miss him when watching this?

Admittedly, it's a fun dynamic that could apply to them easily enough. Even the separation...

Saeran can't help but see it romantically too.

**Saeyoung**

It’s a much more direct question than Saeyoung was expecting, though he can hardly talk after his earlier request.

“Well…” Saeyoung starts. “I just know that my normal waterfall of missing-Saeran turned into a tsunami of missing-Saeran, watching this… they’re…”

Inseparable. Two halves that become so much more when they’re united.

His fingers stroke up Saeran’s side, just a little. “Uhm… everything is better, when they’re together. And they… just make sense as a team… and they have so much fun…”

He exhales. “Ugh… it’s hard to put into words.”

Except for ones like “I love you.”

But if he says them right now, it feels like Saeran might recognise just how much he means them.

So, he can’t.

**Saeran**

Little does Saeyoung know how much Saeran recognizes those unspoken words, and he melts a little more into his twin's touch.

"I see... in that case..."

He glances to Saeyoung, then to the screen.

"You're definitely Miguel."

**Saeyoung**

He can't argue with that.

Even when they'd been children, even before he'd put on the playful, exaggerated mask of 707, Saeyoung had been the more upbeat one. Saeran more risk averse and pessimistic.

That's another thing he likes about this pairing. Both attitudes and personalities pair together well, and balance each other out. There's not one "right" and one "wrong" of the two. He knows sometimes Saeran has considered himself to be the "bad" one in the past... even as he vilified his brother. But in this film... both characters approach life differently, is all.

Both charming, and likable. Both better for having the other there.

"Yeah. That's what I thought, too... haha..." he admits, grinning at the screen. He's glad Saeran sees it, too. Maybe watching this film together was how he should have communicated what he wanted, in the first place. Though they might not have been in a place where they could have done this together, before now.

Certainly, he couldn't have asked his brother to let himself be cuddled like this, even a few weeks ago.

The observation cheers him so much he continues to stroke at Saeran's waist, absent, pleased little circles and lines of his fingers. Like giving a cat a chin rub, just... his hand is there. Is all.

**Saeran**

Remaining focused on the film is difficult when Saeyoung touches him like that, his shirt rising at every circle.

Saeran is very aware of how close Saeyoung is to touching his skin, and craves it. Mentally daring his twin to keep going. Doing everything in his power not to react, to avoid Saeyoung realizing what he was doing before it got that far.

"It's not an exact similarity," he continues, keeping their attention on the movie. "I think... we're... Our relationship is unique."

These characters haven't faced the same struggles they have, for one thing.

**Saeyoung**

"Yeah. There's no one in the world who could... be what you are to me," Saeyoung responds warmly, fixing his attention on a different point.

Meta... had some similarities with how they made Saeyoung feel... but with none of their history... and while it was a painful one, it only tied them together more. They had been through so much… so much that a normal person couldn’t relate to.  

And being without the other person who had been with you since birth, your constant companion and friend… it was a loneliness not many others experienced the way they had, either.

Though it was more than just those things. (Our souls are entwined... and I only want to entwine them more.)

As he thinks this, still focusing on the film, Saeran's desire is granted. As the hem of his shirt finally rises higher than the waistband of his pants... Saeyoung's fingers reach out, and this time... graze lightly over the skin from the front of  the front of Saeran’s hip where it meets the floor, around to his waist, stroking a sweet curve over the warmth of Saeran’s skin. His fingertips tingle.

It feels nice… he wants to do it more.

(…!)

(…!!!)

At that, his breathing ceases entirely for a good few heartbeats, each of which he heard loudly in his ears.

He doesn’t let go, or jump away, or tug down the shirt just yet.

Somehow, some childish part of him hopes that if he just doesn’t draw attention to it, Saeran won’t register what happened.  Distracted by the film, maybe.

Instead he carefully lays his hand flat against Saeran’s body, motionless, though still somewhat in contact with his skin. Terrified that Saeran’s noticed, and that Saeran will never, ever let him hold him like this again.

Foolish. An idiot. He let himself relax too much…

**Saeran**

It takes a huge exercise of will not to shiver at Saeyoung's touch. To let them both have this for one hot, searing instant - and Saeran is grateful he's lying belly down, in case the stimulation got too much for him in other ways.

In that way, Saeyoung's desires are granted. Saeran appears not to realize the difference, engrossed on the movie.

In reality, he's struggling not to turn and push Saeyoung down.

**Saeyoung**

Carefully releasing the breath he’s held for who knows how long at this point, Saeyoung’s fingers slowly relax.

The tips of two still tantalisingly, lightly resting against a sliver of exposed skin.

To tug the shirt down would be to acknowledge what happened, and somehow, he’s avoided that so far. Instead he’ll do his best to relax into it, and make nothing of it when they part.

(If I curled these fingers, they’d hook into the hem, and I could just -)

He turns his attention to the film, where the male leads are reunited again, working against the antagonist.

Just as the two of them avoid ruin, so can he.

So he doesn’t curl his fingers, raise Saeran’s shirt and stroke at every bit of skin he can reach.

Meanwhile the climax of the story has passed, and Miguel and Tulio both set off on a great, new adventure together.

As the credits begin to roll, Saeyoung leaves his arm where it is, much like he’d continued to hold his brother at the end of the last movie.

“So… how’d you like it?”

**Saeran**

"It was funny," Saeran replies, trying to muster a response that sounds as natural as possible and like he paid close attention to the movie.

It _was_ funny anyway, the dynamic between the two main characters well-executed.

"The animation was good quality too..." All in all, he can only approve.

"So, not bad."

He wants to goad Saeyoung into a discussion though, to keep him close a little longer.

**Saeyoung**

Saeran’s efforts are barely needed, Saeyoung all too unwilling to part just yet. So long as his twin remains comfortable, anyway.

“So, you did like it~” is Saeyoung’s cheerful take-away, used to Saeran not exactly shouting from the rooftops when he enjoys something. “I’m glad…!”

He turns his body towards his brother, which makes it a little more comfortable to hold him, too. His shoulder at a more natural angle.

His top knee bends and ever-so-slightly overlaps with the back of his twin’s closest leg. "Maybe we should get a horse, heh."

And now Saeyoung's doing the exact same thing. Attempting to provoke solely so he can stay like this longer.

**Saeran**

Saeran knows Saeyoung is being purposefully absurd, but he can't help but look stern at the suggestion.

"Hyung... you're not getting a horse."

He has nothing against horses himself, but he doesn't want to enable Saeyoung's over-the-top antics either.

"You already do plenty of horsing around on your own," he adds, smirking.

**Saeyoung**

“ _Horsing?”_  Saeyoung gives Saeran a playful squeeze at that, fingers grazing Saeran’s side again and it’s fine, it’s all fine –

“Aren’t I more of a cute cat?”

This time he actually _does_ purr, instead of just saying the word like he had before, and nuzzles his face into Saeran’s upper arm.

**Saeran**

Saeyoung might be convincing himself he's fine… but Saeran is very Not Fine. The proximity is one thing, but for Saeyoung to go and behave like this... nuzzling into his arm...!

He squirms. If he doesn't get a hold of this situation, it could go very bad very quickly. Saeran knows that for all their feelings are mutual, Saeyoung won't allow for them to go further than this.

"Whatever you are... quit it," he responds, unhappily. The reality of how impossible their feelings are hitting Saeran hard, and seeping into his tone.

**Saeyoung**

Saeyoung’s response is instantaneous, backing off and going still. Though even as he puts a little space between them, and his arm pulls away, he doesn’t take it entirely from his twin.

Now his hand rests on Saeran’s mid-back, less intimate than before. “Yeah. You’re right. That was too much,” Saeyoung tells both himself and Saeran.

It’s… all too easy to escalate when his brother relaxes around him.

He needs to not get complacent, just because they’ve come so far. “Wanna eat something else before we wrap things up? I was curious about who would win the jelly snake pull…”

**Saeran**

Saeran is telling himself much the same as Saeyoung. It's easy to get caught up in the joy of their feelings, but forget the very real burden of them in the process.

He's glad Saeyoung didn't completely back off though.

(And what's this about snakes?) The confusion on Saeran's face is clear. He doesn't need to ask.

**Saeyoung**

Saeyoung grins back at his twin.

Glad that at least the unhappiness he caused doesn't seem to linger.

"Right. So. I bought something for this. Just a second."

He wriggles out of their lair a moment, returning a few seconds later with a bag.

He needs both his hands now, but he still snuggles up close to Saeran again, sensing, correctly, for once, that this much is still fine.

Out of the bag he pulls... a long, long, long gummy snake. Made up of a variety of colours not generally found in food _or_ in nature.

"See..." he starts, unwinding the thing from its packaging, "what happens is, each person grabs and end and starts to pulllllll... and whoever gets the longer part, wins! Except, we both win, because we now each have a handful of candy~"

**Saeran**

One look at the snake and Saeran is salivating. He did prefer smoother flavours, like chocolate or honey, but his sweet tooth is still tempted by the candy...

And his ego by the competition.

"You're on," he responds, the challenge clear in his voice as he sits up to prepare himself.

**Saeyoung**

They have to hunch a little in the fort, but that's fun in itself, too.

As is Saeran's reaction. Saeyoung finds himself giddy all over again at how his twin perks up at the proposition of the game.

"Haha, then, here's your end."

Saeyoung takes the other, briefly fantasising about pulling his brother into a kiss along with the snake, but, no. Save that thought for when he's alone in bed, unable to sleep.

"Ready?"

**Saeran**

"Ready," Saeran confirms. His grip on the snake firm. All attention on the competition.

Distractions lead to losing, after all!

**Saeyoung**

They pull!

The gummy snake stretches... and streeeetches... and streeeeeeeeetches -

\- and, finally -

\- snaps!

They both rock backwards at that, threatening the stability of the blanket fort.

"Hahaha... okay, so..."

Saeyoung holds his piece high.

"Who won?"

Saeran's piece... is at least a finger length longer.

**Saeran**

The resulting grin on Saeran's face can only be described as smug. He doesn't try to hide it.

"Obviously, me."

It's a small victory, but it feels good to win over his brother, nonetheless.

Now to partake in his prize...

Saeran pops one end of the snake in his mouth.

**Saeyoung**

"Hh- how are you so...??"

He's cute. He's so cute.

It's unfair that he can't take a photo of this (well, he could, but it'd come out terribly in this light)

He flushes pink. Some things he plans to think about long, AND hard.

**Saeran**

Content, Saeran simply chews on his candy with a glint in his eye. Pleased by his prize and the acknowledgement.

There's more for him to "think" about later in as well, but for now, he has all he needs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the slower updates! Gotta lot of other stuff on my plate! But I'm working through my editing as fast as I can so you can see how it all works out :3 They both might think they can be like this forever, but that balance is a difficult one to maintain...


	5. Circles in the moonlight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The twins pine for each other in the darkness... then attempt to answer those feelings together on a one-month anniversary LOLOL date.
> 
> But the darkness soon returns, and calls Saeran out into the woods, alone...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please note, this chapter opens with another masturbation scene, because, well, the twins sure have some Big Pining Energy they need to release. It's only the first heading for each of the twins where it happens, so if you don't wanna see any smut, you can scroll past it easily enough~ The rest of the chapter is super-cute, you don't wanna miss it. 
> 
> Also painful. 
> 
> But cute.

**Saeyoung**

After Saeran’s victory with the jelly snake, the twins wrap up the evening, returning to their own rooms. It might have been a ‘sleepover party’ style event, but their own beds were always going to be their final destination. Not that Saeyoung wouldn’t mind waking up to see his brother asleep across from him, but… he was already _more_ than satisfied with their evening.

He may have made a few missteps throughout the night, but they were far fewer and less severe than the ones he’s made in the past. There’s no doubt in his mind that the two of them are closer than they’ve ever been, as adults, at least.

(Is that why I was able to recognise my own feelings for what they really are?)

Well... there was also the part where Saeran panted his name... moaned it. That had certainly solidified a few things for Saeyoung.

Here, in the darkness of his own room (with the door firmly shut, this time) Saeyoung can linger on the memory.

(...so long as he's thinking of me, I don't wholly mind that it's only as a sexual fantasy... getting off on the taboo…)

In reality, Saeran would never want to be touched… like that. His reaction at the sleepover made that clear enough, along with the other times Saeyoung has slipped up…

But, tonight, Saeran was... so… cute… (And a few times, a little...) Saeyoung's lips part at the memory.

'There's far better things I could make you beg for'. That's what Saeran had said.

If only he knew how many things Saeyoung wanted from him.

His door is shut. And he can be quiet. So why not indulge, while the memory of his arm around his brother is still so fresh?

He can still _almost_ feel Saeran's body beside his. The air beside him still enough, he can almost pretend his brother is there. And, much as he felt awful for accidentally stroking up along Saeran's bare skin that one time...

His fingers tingle with gratitude.

He repeats the action along the line of his own body, from hip to waist.

Imagining Saeran next to him, still watching the film, but as Saeyoung strokes at him...

His mind replays the moan from that shower he'd overhead...

"Mhn... Saeran... you like this...?" Saeyoung murmurs sweet nothings to the phantom in his bed.

(If… if it went like this…) He'd stroke up Saeran's side again, push his shirt higher again, to provoke more of that sweet sound...

Then, just like he'd asked to cuddle:

"Saeran... I want to kiss you."

Another stroke along the shape of his hip, touching himself the way he wants to touch his twin.

"Is that okay?"

And the Saeran in his head... the Saeran who wants him... who can give him what he needs, here, in private, so that he can be the brother he needs to be in reality...

That Saeran responds with a 'Hyung... I want it too... kiss me..."

 _Yes._ He can almost hear Saeran's voice saying those very words. His brain cutting and pasting every word he’s heard, every sound and tone, to create this perfect fantasy just for him.

A beautiful, fragile fantasy where his brother is in love with him, too.

He rolls onto his side and imagines Saeran joining him, pressing up against him, needily bringing his mouth to Saeyoung's before Saeyoung can even make his move.

This Saeran wants him... needs him... craves him... will devour him whole.

Saeyoung frees himself from his boxers and begins to stroke his already stiff cock, the drool pooling in his mouth transferred to his palm as he imagines his brother's kisses. Then he grips himself, but it’s Saeran’s hand, it’s _Saeran’s.._.

When he’d overheard Saeran in the shower… had his brother teased at himself, like this? Or had he pumped hard, fast, imagining spilling his seed quick and hot into his brother's mouth... or... onto Saeyoung's body...

"Mhhahhh..." Saeyoung tilts his head back and moans softly into the darkness, careful to keep his voice low. "Saeran... I want to fuck you..."

But in his fantasy they're still just kissing, Saeran's hands on Saeyoung's achingly erect penis, stroking at it as their tongues push themselves deeper into the other's mouth.

"Saeraaaan..." he keens, losing it a little as he slips his thumb under the curve of the head of his dick, dripping with spit, stroking up the underside as his other fingers tug and tease. "I..." he pants, his mouth on Saeran's mouth, his hand touching his cock but it's Saeran's cock but it's Saeran touching him...

"...want all of you..."

(Fuck, I love him, I want him, I need him, Saeran, Saeran, Saeran, Saeran -!)

"...Saerannnn...!"

**Saeran**

Saeran is ignorant to Saeyoung currently moaning his name. If he knew, it really would drive him over the edge.

Seriously.

Like his twin, he’s retired to his room happy, but tired and pent up. Privacy finally allowing him to truly savour his brother's actions tonight. Like Saeyoung, he thinks of the begging.

Like Saeyoung, he imagines the fingers on his skin going a little too far.

Like Saeyoung, he fantasizes of losing control, surging up to connect their lips and realize their feelings once and for all.

They are twins, after all. They might not be of the same mind, but they are of the same heart.

And their heart wants one thing.

Saeran moans into the pillow, briefly convinced its Saeyoung's lips. His hand grips his cock firmly as he strokes it.

There's no room for denial here. No pretending that light touches are innocent.

Only this. Them. United and never to part, and that's something Saeran has never wanted more.

"Saeyoung...!" he cries, unaware that he's finishing at the exact moment his brother is.

**Saeyoung**

His face is hot and his hands are _burning_ and he shudders, coming into his palm, sticky and gasping.

Some he doesn't quite catch, and it dribbles onto the side of the bed Saeran would be, if they were still sleeping together.

(…if only.)

He tidies himself up, and returns to the same position as before, patting lightly at the place on his bed that would be his brothers, if they’d still slept together the way they had as kids. Saeran had taken that same position when he’d laid next to Saeyoung in the pillow fort, too.

Saeyoung exhales, slowly. Remembering, as much as he can, the way Saeran had felt under his arm.

"Goodnight, Saeran..." he murmurs into the dark. "I love you..."

**Saeran**

"Good night, Saeyoung..." Saeran echoes, curling onto his side after he cleans himself up with a nearby shirt destined for the laundry.

(I hope we can be together in our dreams, at least...)

Though there's still online.

He'll focus on that tomorrow.

**Saeyoung**

Tomorrow is a big day for them both, after all.

It’s Star and Meta’s one month dating anniversary. Their plan is to participate in a LOLOL event together - one that will get them some new gear, fireworks to set off, and a special title for their characters, too.

Star has also crafted an accessory as a gift. A ring - made from rare materials both painstakingly gathered and procured through the player markets.

Saeyoung hopes it isn't too intense a thing to give – but when he was researching what to make, the ring buffed so many useful stats for machinists… and… well…

It was pretty. And the blue stone in the centre just seemed like a sign, that this was the perfect gift for Meta.

Besides, the game had specific items for things like... _actual_ engagements and weddings, and this wasn't one of them. So, it’s… probably not too weird a thing to give for a one-month LOLOL anniversary.

It’ll have to do. Because now Star is standing on the beach of a beautiful lagoon, where she’d promised to wait for Meta.

**Saeran**

Meta waves at Star as soon as she's spotted, appearing right on time.

> > Star!
> 
> > Ready to take the event on?

Saeran is keen. It seems like fun, but more than that, it'll give them prizes. Matching ones.

Plus, after having to hold himself back last night... it's a relief to be able to be openly affectionate.

**Saeyoung**

> > meta-meta!!! <3!!!

In much the same way, while his love for Saeran in reality has given Saeyoung some hesitance about pursuing romance in _this_ world, it feels good to be able to express his affection without restraint.

And besides. Dating Meta might be the only way he can keep himself from ruining things with Saeran. At least with Meta, he can be honest about his feelings for his twin, and give and receive affection with another…

Balancing his time, attention and affection between the two of them is intense, but if he can keep it up... then, everyone's happy. More or less.

> > I've been looking forward to this~
> 
> > Swimming in the blue ocean with you... winning prizes...
> 
> > it's perfect!
> 
> > we gotta take so many screenshots
> 
> > ah but first

He's used emotes with Meta enough now that he's getting used to where Star needs to stand for his favourites to look relatively realistic.

Star cheers, in a way that lets her lips touch... well, Meta's elbow. Still, it's a kiss all the same. They can pose for cuter ones later.

> > let's go~

They head over to the NPC that gives them the special event quest - which involves navigating through a jumping puzzle course over the waves.

**Saeran**

Initially it's easy. Both of them make it through with ease...

Right up until the last jumping puzzle. The amount of other people crowding it and the perspective makes it more difficult than either anticipate, and they're both relatively skilled at games.

> > omg
> 
> > why

Saeran can't even be frustrated, since the difficulty jump (haha) is so ludicrous to begin with.

**Saeyoung**

Saeyoung chuckles at Meta's short complains (cute~) even as Star falls off a platform halfway up the final ocean tower yet again.

> > nooooooooooo

The precision and focus and pinch of good luck required is really something else.

They're going at it for what feels like an hour, though in reality it's probably half that.

Finally, Meta makes it to the top, Star not _quite_ there although her progress only has her a few pegs away from victory.

> > metaaaaaaa
> 
> > i'll fight hard to reach u
> 
> > wait for me my looooove!!!

He's... not really called Meta something like that before, but... it feels appropriate today, and... he doesn't want to keep a barrier up between them because of Saeran...

And it makes his heart skip, just typing it.

**Saeran**

"Ah..."

Saeran's heart skips just reading it.

> > Always!

He promises, meaning it much more seriously than Saeyoung could ever know.

He settles down on the deck in the meantime, waiting for Star to make it up.

**Saeyoung**

It takes a few more minutes, but finally Star joins Meta at the top.

> > phew
> 
> > u sure are nimble
> 
> > but, we did it!!

Star cheers and claps, then they collect their prizes - swimwear and fireworks.

Star changes into hers immediately. It's a bright, frilly bikini set with a pair of sunglasses and sandals. It's a surprise to be reminded that the scales on her body appear on her stomach and legs, too - they're normally completely clothed, so it's easy to forget they’re there.

She strikes a pose for Meta, and blows a kiss.

> > i'm cute, right?? ^^
> 
> > we have to sit together on the beach
> 
> > and take lots of photos
> 
> > how's yours look?

**Saeran**

Before he changes, Saeran is sure to have Meta cheer for Star and then clap for the outfit change. It's only fair to show appreciation!

> > very cute
> 
> > mine... is probably plain compared to yours

LOLOL was good about making equal opportunity costumes, but nonetheless. It's difficult to beat the cuteness of a lady's swimsuit.

Still, Saeran changes Meta into his. A plain white shirt and red trunks. Though his scales are better shown off this way, since the top is open-chested.

> > see?
> 
> > yours is clearly better!

**Saeyoung**

> > hmmm idk
> 
> > u look cute too
> 
> > or is it just that i get to see more of you~
> 
> > sorry
> 
> > hope that's not too spicy of me haha

It _is_ a shame that generally male swimsuits have less interesting options. Still, it's flattering on Meta, even if it isn't quite as fancy as Star's bikini.

> > wish we could do a walk while holding hands emote down the beach
> 
> > but the sun's setting soon
> 
> > let's get some photos by the water!
> 
> > and we can set off fireworks once it's dark!

**Saeran**

> > you've really planned this out haha

It's the first time Saeran is doing an event like this at all, though he was aware they existed. It's more engaging than he anticipated...

Then again, he could say that about most of his LOLOL plot.

> > I wish we could hold hands too...
> 
> > It'd be so romantic.
> 
> > Though my heart is racing enough already!
> 
> > and not because of all the jumps we just did haha

It's more that... The mere prospect of having an anniversary with a specific date excites him. Its only something Saeran has ever seen in movies.

**Saeyoung**

They sit side by side on the beach, and try out different poses.

> > we really do look good together~

As the sun slowly lowers in the sky, Saeyoung takes a ton of screenshots as the light reflects from the water onto their faces.

Despite the other players in the area, it still feels like their own private lagoon, somehow. Only NPCs are playing around in the water by the little area they've set themselves down in.

The special event-only music playing in the background only adds to the romance.

Star shifts around in front of where Meta sits on the sand, to kneel comfortably in front of him.

> > so...
> 
> > i have a present for you
> 
> > to say thank you for this last month
> 
> > that you accept me... with all my flaws...
> 
> > you really are
> 
> > a fascinating person
> 
> > smart... and funny...
> 
> > to get to be like this with you...
> 
> > it's a precious gift i get to open every day
> 
> > so this is just to say
> 
> > i appreciate you
> 
> > and thank you...

Through the party inventory system, he gives Meta the masterwork ring.

And uses the Pray emote, so Star leans forward, like she's leaving a kiss on Meta's nose.

**Saeran**

(Eh?)

> > Eh?

This is...

There's no mistaking it.

A ring.

A ring?

Does this mean...

But it's not that kind of ring.

That said, maybe Star wanted to confirm his feelings first...

Saeran feels dizzy from how fast and jumbled it feels, though Star seems incredibly composed.

> > Wow, I...
> 
> > I have to admit, my heart jumped into my throat for a second!

Best to play it safe. Test the waters himself, before committing. Already he's made Star uneasy with how quickly he accepted the incest confession.

> > I should've made something for you too...
> 
> > Please let me know if there's anything you need!

Meta blushes, then beams at Star to convey the utmost sincerity.

> > You don't need to thank me...
> 
> > For simply following my own feelings.

**Saeyoung**

> > something I need…?
> 
> >...your heart?
> 
> > haha...

It's going well. Meta seems happy. Saeyoung relaxes.

> > please don't worry about it
> 
> > I just wanted to show you I plan to work hard... to make you smile...
> 
> > to support you... just like this ring will
> 
> > it boosts your most important stats! ^^
> 
> > just like being with you...
> 
> > boosts all of mine, haha
> 
> > I wish I could be as close to you
> 
> > as the ring while you're wearing it... ^^

Too much? Ah, well. It's sent, now. He can tone it down if they get weirded out.

Though Meta always surprises him that way.

(They're so passionate. Meta deserves to be spoilt rotten by their lover...)

**Saeran**

It really is too much. Saeran's fingers are flying before he can stop them from typing.

> > If I didn't know better
> 
> > I would've thought you just proposed

Of course, that can't be right. Saeyoung is still hung up... on _him_... And the relationship is still fairly new at that.

Still. No matter Saeyoung's intentions, Saeran has Meta equip the ring right away - before striking a stretch pose as a way to admire it.

> > it's pretty!
> 
> > And makes me powerful
> 
> > Like you :)

**Saeyoung**

Ah. Well, this _is_ to be expected, giving a lover a ring...

> > oh, haha...
> 
> > I'd need a different item for that... a set...
> 
> >... would you have said yes if I did?
> 
> > hah... sorry
> 
> > I shouldn't ask you things like that
> 
> > it can be hard to remember we've only known each other for a little over three months... and dating for a third of that
> 
> > I swing between feeling like this is all so new and unfamiliar, to feeling like I've known you forever
> 
> > does that happen to you, too?
> 
> > or is my mind just going? ^^

It's about then when a ginger-coloured name indicating a friend catches Star's attention, growing closer by the minute.

(Oh, it’s-)

It appears his LOLOL guild member has seen him, too

> Anonlymouse > Star!!! wow, I keep forgetting you're a dragon lady now lololol
> 
> Anonlymouse > and that's Meta with you...
> 
> Anonymous > so u two are still all cozy... that's cute
> 
> Anonlymouse > you two even finished the event... I gave up
> 
> SevenStar > lololol
> 
> SevenStar > wasn't easy
> 
> SevenStar > u should try again tho
> 
> SevenStar > only 3 days left for this event

In other words: we're busy.

Mouse has not exactly been the kind to take hints easily, though.

> Anonlymouse > plenty of time lol
> 
> Anonlymouse > oh, am I interrupting anything

Or not. Saeyoung is pleasantly surprised.

> Anonlymouse > u 2 weren't about to doze were u lololololololol
> 
> SevenStar > omg
> 
> SevenStar > ;;;;;
> 
> SevenStar > can't believe u asked me that IN THE GUILD CHANNEL

Star stands, so she can stomp her foot and wag her finger at Mouse.

> _Grazzy > lol yeah I'm reading this like, 'what'

It seems like Mouse and Star are using some slang Saeran hasn't come across, before.

> MiniMart_egg > I wasn't going to say anything n_n;;

At least a few other guild members are paying attention to the channel. Mouse doesn't switch out.

> Anonlymouse > lol r u 2 keeping it all fluffy then haha
> 
> MiniMart_egg > nothing wrong with that!!
> 
> _Grazzy > u can only doze in a private space anyway lol
> 
> MiniMart_egg > >////////<
> 
> MiniMart_egg > there could be minors in this guild so that's enough!!!
> 
> Anonlymouse > oh true lol
> 
> Anonlymouse > srry srry

**Saeran**

What a time to be interrupted. Saeran feels a little irritated. That feeling gets exacerbated when the topic shifts to dozing, losing him completely.

> Meta > Uhm...
> 
> Meta > What does dozing have to do with anything?

His annoyed tone isn't noticeable through text thankfully.

**Saeyoung**

Mouse uses a shocked emote.

> Anonlymouse > wow!!!!!!!
> 
> Anonlymouse > u 2 really are keeping it wholesome!!!
> 
> MiniMart_egg > get out of gc or I'm banning u mouse lol
> 
> Anonlymouse > T_T

Still, he switches out to just a local "Say" channel at last

> Anonlymouse > well
> 
> SevenStar > wait
> 
> SevenStar > can u not
> 
> SevenStar > Meta and I are on a date
> 
> SevenStar > so, shoo
> 
> SevenStar > I can tell Meta later but I don't want them hearing it from u;;;
> 
> SevenStar > that’d be weird

Star shakes her head.

> Anonlymouse > fine. lol
> 
> Anonlymouse > you two have fun
> 
> Anonlymouse > guess ill try the course again T_T

And at that, they're alone once more. Star directs her next comments to Meta alone, as she had been before.

> > uhm , ok
> 
> > i just want u to know, that, first of all, I've never dozed with _anyone_
> 
> > but uh
> 
> > it's an emote u can only do in your own private space like a room or house
> 
> > and...

Saeyoung has Star blush, to soften the bluntness of his explanation.

> > some couples, they have cybersex in private chats and uhm
> 
> > some use emotes creatively to simulate some acts;;
> 
> > "doze" is very popular because you... lie down...
> 
> > anyway...
> 
> > now you know...
> 
> > sorry about Mouse...
> 
> > maybe I should have taken you somewhere private...
> 
> > oh

He realises how that could sound after his explanation.

> > I mean!
> 
> > just to avoid people!!
> 
> > ;;

**Saeran**

The blush is wasted on Saeran - or rather, it's effective in a way Saeyoung doesn't intend.

(Ah... I want to make him blush like that more...)

As an avatar or otherwise.

The idea of cybersex is somewhat daunting though, in spite of how compelling Star is currently.

> > oh
> 
> > If... If you did want to...
> 
> > I'm willing
> 
> > whichever way you mean it

Though Saeran isn't confident in actually acting it out.

**Saeyoung**

> > a... ahh

Star blushes again, but this time Saeyoung matches her. It’s a shame that part of it is hidden from his twin.

> > well uhm
> 
> > I'm not against the idea either;;;
> 
> > still, ignoring mouse, this date is fun... and we still have the fireworks

It's well and truly night in LOLOL now, the sky covered in stars and event fireworks in the distance.

> >...I... don't know about using emotes, though, haha
> 
> > feels like that would distract me from you...
> 
> > and you're... so big

...he could have phrased that better.

> > I'd rather just... tell you what I'd do with you
> 
> > if we did;
> 
> > hah...

**Saeran**

Fireworks and swimsuits aside... It truly feels like summer with this conversation.

Hot.

> > Have you thought about it?
> 
> > wait
> 
> > That was too blunt;;

It's getting to him. Saeran can feel sweat bead down his neck.

> > I mean...
> 
> > ...I think a lot about you...

Somehow, confessing this so soon after he masturbated to Saeyoung... feels right.

Feels wrong.

Both.

> > Sorry...
> 
> > it’s probably not good to talk about this stuff so fast,
> 
> > it's only our 1 month anniversary
> 
> > let's light fireworks and make a good memory

**Saeyoung**

Saeyoung... feels the heat, just as much.

(Maybe if we started doing that stuff... I'd stop thinking about Saeran... like that...)

> > oh...
> 
> > I think I stopped breathing for a second
> 
> > you... think about me like that...
> 
> > maybe... I should have come to you before I slept last night, haha...
> 
> > I was ready to claw down my bedroom walls haha;;
> 
> > if we're being honest with each other to this level ^^;;
> 
> > maybe if I'd told you what I was thinking about, I could have found peace sooner

He pauses, the concept still sinking in.

> > you...
> 
> > think about me...?
> 
> > ...that makes me feel good
> 
> > more than good!
> 
> >...please think of me like that
> 
> > as much as you like
> 
> > I don't mind... at all

**Saeran**

The admission of Saeyoung's lust last night causes a strong pang deep in Saeran's gut.

(I knew it. I _knew_ he wanted me...!)

The confirmation is so, so sweet. The thought of his brother feeling like that… just from lying next to Saeran, touching the smallest bit of Saeran’s skin… it makes him feel almost as giddy as when Saeyoung unwittingly confessed his love.

Plus, the explicit permission to think of Saeyoung that way...

(Haha... I would've anyway, but...)

Saeran's entire being feelings electric. Sparks seem to fly as he types out a quick response.

> > likewise... I'll try to be here... anytime you need me

The word "need" is explicit, and different from "want". Much as he wants Saeyoung to want him... the idea that he’s _needed,_ vital, essential…

> >...it's hot lol

There's no way he can feel the warmth of the virtual beach radiating through the screen. But that’s not the heat he’s thinking about right now.

**Saeyoung**

They really _have_ started to talk a little more like each other, Meta loosening up and Star being slightly less lolspeak.

(That's a thing couples do...) Saeyoung thinks to himself, warm from this almost as much as their topic of conversation.

> > well...
> 
> > if I was really by your side
> 
> > I think I'd need to kiss you now...
> 
> > not on the elbow...
> 
> > not an air kiss...
> 
> > not a light brush on the cheek...

His blush deepens even at such a small admission. So Star blushes again, too. Maybe he should map that emote to a hotkey, already…

Though there are so many more emotes he could wish for right now.

> > I'd take that ring,
> 
> > and lean over you to put it on your finger myself
> 
> > and turn my head to kiss you softly on your lips
> 
> > climb into your lap and hold you
> 
> > and watch the waves lap at the beach together...
> 
> > that's... how it would go
> 
> > ^^

**Saeran**

Once again Saeran's amazed at what a lack of obstacles between them can lead to.

This... this talk wasn't possible between them as brothers. Loving each other couldn't factor in when there was the constant reminder of their other ties - blood and past both.

Being honest about their feelings offline wasn't possible. Saeran wants it more than anything, but intrinsically knows that would either lead to rejection, or all-consuming guilt. Saeyoung admitted as much through Star, and his deliberate ignorance of how Saeran feels (surely, he’d have an idea by now…) is already telling enough.

He doesn't want to take advantage of Saeyoung. Trap him in a relationship that will make him guilty and fearful…

Like this, though...

Combined with how close they were earlier, offline...

The two combine to make something… acceptable. Saeran can reach out and grasp his brother this way. All barriers circumvented.

> > I don't know what to say...

Meta blushes, as happily as Saeran does.

> > only that I want it too
> 
> > and that we can do the last part, at least?
> 
> > And I know for sure
> 
> > I'll think of that whenever I see a sunset like this

**Saeyoung**

They spend a little more time watching the sky, then try letting off some of their small fireworks, some spinning over the sand and water, others bursting into tiny clouds of sparks just above their heads.

It really is a perfect date. Even the interruption had its own charm. They flirt and take more photographs and utter a few more sweet nothings...

And, at least for now, it sates that hunger inside them both for the things they crave from each other, onscreen and off.

**Saeran**

Saeran finishes the date, but finds himself disinterested in sleeping. His conversation with his twin has left him filled with unspent energy. He wants to move. Go out somewhere. With water, like the date. Maybe to the lookout again? There’d been a stream visible from the platform they’d been at before.

(...I should ask him tomorrow...)

There's always the option of taking a midnight walk, though. Saeyoung lived on the city outskirts for security reasons (though not deep in the mountains like Mint Eye), and there was a relatively unexplored forest reserve nearby. Saeran had only walked through it a few times before - during the period of his life where he was more at strife with himself and Saeyoung. It feels appropriate to go walking through it again now, despite the hour.

So he gets up and stretches, before changing into some outdoor appropriate wear and heading off without a word.

(No need to worry him...)

Unlike those other times, Saeran will carry his phone.  If necessary, he can be reached.

Stepping out, the night air is warm, and Saeran's glad for the fact the bunker has air conditioning during the day.

At night...

It makes for a pleasant temperature for a walk.

**Saeyoung**

Saeyoung naps a little after their date, but finds himself similarly restless.

Which is when he gets up for a snack, to notice Saeran's door is half-open, light on - and Saeran absent.

Much as Saeyoung doesn’t want to suffocate his brother. The fear is there, small, but whispering endlessly.

(Something could happen. Even now, something could happen...)

(Saeran is an adult...) Saeyoung argues back, to himself. (And this area is safe...)

Still restless, head filled with thoughts of his twin, Saeyoung finds himself in the living room, remnants of their blanket fort still lying around - they haven't put away all the extra sheets and things just yet, even if it's disassembled.

He drapes one of the lighter sheets over his shoulders. If he closes his eyes… and breathes in deep…

Well, he can certainly still smell the popcorn. But maybe, also…

He curls up on the couch, not bothering to turn on the light. And sends a text.

> > out for a walk?
> 
> > i couldn't sleep either
> 
> > is it nice outside...?

**Saeran**

It doesn’t really surprise Saeran. A text was almost inevitable, though there was always a chance Saeyoung had gone to sleep. Saeran pauses a moment to reply.

> > you're still up?
> 
> > get some sleep hyung...

Not that he can talk. But, the walk really is helping his mood. The air is clean, and the moon is bright enough to make out all the plants and trees, in spite of it being so late.

> > Everything is peaceful out here.
> 
> > It's a good night for a walk.

Besides, Saeran enjoys the freedom and wouldn't trade it for anything. While he's familiar with how concerned Saeyoung can get, he won't be apologetic or guilty about this.

**Saeyoung**

The responses help settle the whispers of fear. Something about Saeran telling him to get more sleep feels nice, too…

> > that does sound good...
> 
> > i looked out the window by the security door, and saw the sky was really clear, again...
> 
> > i bet everything has the prettiest shadows right now

"I bet you look beautiful under the moonlight too, Saeran-ah..."

Even after his date, and his renewal of affections for Meta, he can't help but be haunted by the idea of Saeran under the stars.

If he'd known how he felt, that time at the lookout...

(When I gave him the flowers...)

It would have felt so good to follow it up with a kiss.

(Maybe I'm just so messed up, I'm only drawn to relationships and people I can never touch, hah.)

Meta, who is impossible to touch.

Saeran, who is forbidden to touch.

> > i kinda want to go too lol
> 
> > the moon is nearly full...
> 
> > wonder if you were looking at it too, just now

**Saeran**

Automatically, Saeran glances up. Taking in the entire night sky, and the way one small cloud drifts across it - edges bright with a silver lining.

Much like his love for Saeyoung... There's a lot of darkness hidden inside, but the bright parts are so beautiful.

> > when I look up at this sky, I can't help but think of you.

Saeran types that out unbidden. Still influenced by their earlier exchange in a game, that it doesn't register at first how intimate that can sound.

> > Maybe we're in synch.
> 
> > No wonder you're awake, then.

**Saeyoung**

Saeyoung snuggles more into the blankets and their scent, and he can almost imagine Saeran's arms around him.

> > ah, that makes me happy... reminds me of something i used to imagine years ago...
> 
> > about becoming a star
> 
> > I was imagining your face in the moonlight just now
> 
> > and how still the wind is... none of the leaves were moving outside
> 
> > like a painting
> 
> > I bet it's beautiful

His comment can easily be attributed to the concept of the scenery, even though all he's thinking about as he writes it is Saeran.

**Saeran**

For once, Saeran doesn't pick up on it. Purely because he does appreciate the scenery's beauty.

> > How strange. It’s almost like you're actually out here...

That's impossible though. Especially since Saeran's walked far enough in to be difficult to find.

> > But... don't come out.
> 
> > You'll get lost trying to find me.

Again.

It's happened once before, when Saeyoung was in a panic over him wandering off in their early days.

Ultimately, Saeran was the one to find _him_.

**Saeyoung**

Just like at the zoo...

When it's Saeran...

All his Agency training goes out the window.

All he can do is _feel._

(I really need to get a handle on that... what if he needs me and I get so worked up I can't act in time?)

He _had_ been able to pull himself together to rescue Saeran... but he'd had time to plan, then... the first few days, he'd been wrecked.

> > haha;;;
> 
> > maybe I could sense you this time, if I closed my eyes
> 
> > although
> 
> > maybe I'd just walk into a tree;;;

As a child, he used to be able to find Saeran no matter where he'd hidden in the house. No matter what, his first choice of place to look would reveal his brother.

But a forest was much larger than a house...

> > maybe you're my compass
> 
> > or I guess it's better to say you're my north
> 
> > right now, maybe i could find you
> 
> > because I’m not worried, so… I could just listen for you
> 
> > actually
> 
> > if I close my eyes right now, I kind of think I know…
> 
> > I feel like if I walked in a straight line in the direction my heart’s pulling me
> 
> > I’d surely find you!

He doesn’t try to filter his words. Maybe it’s the lateness of the evening letting him be bolder again. Or just the comfort of speaking through text.

**Saeran**

There's a truth to Saeyoung's words that rings clear within Saeran's own heart.

If Saeyoung truly listened to him, then...

(...he could find me. Even in the darkest of places.)

> > ... I kinda want to test that.

Perhaps it's the part of him that recalls being abandoned saying it. There's a need to confirm and validate such feelings, whenever Saeyoung makes those sorts of claims.

**Saeyoung**

> > i want to...
> 
> > i know i can do it!
> 
> > this time!
> 
> > i want to find you saeran…
> 
> > and…
> 
> > see you under the moonlight
> 
> > so
> 
> > i’m coming
> 
> > after all
> 
> > ^^

Saeran wants to be found. That’s how it feels. His words implied as much, right?

Saeyoung’s heart is already tugging him outside…

Almost like he’s being called.

He’d felt that way so often when they were apart.

Even when he was in America… over the ocean…

He knew Saeran was alive… could feel him.

Saeyoung stands, leaving the sheet from the couch around his shoulders. As Saeran observed, it’s a pleasant summer night, and he doesn’t need protection against the cold. He’s only bringing it as a good luck charm.

(Or perhaps, right now, I’m a tracking dog.) The faint scent of his twin, guiding his search.

Not that he needs it. He’s certain his heart is enough.

He wants to find Saeran so badly he can taste it, but it’s not the panicked frenzy from last time, or the sorrowful longing of his teens.

No.

It’s just he wants to be at the side of the one he loves.

(I’ll find you).

**Saeran**

Saeran's heartrate picks up when he sees the reply, and he fumbles with his phone.

(Seriously--?)

Though he suggested it, he didn't think Saeyoung would take him up on the whim.

Foolish.

_Worrying._

Quickly, Saeran dials Saeyoung's number in a panic.

**Saeyoung**

"Saeran-ah~" Saeyoung hums as he answers, voice warm, "I was missing your voice..."

He sounds so _pleased._

And he is. It's the next best thing to having his twin at his side, even if, hopefully, he'll have that soon, too.

The night air feels good on his skin. His brother's voice sounds good in his ear.

It's a _good_ evening.

**Saeran**

"M... moron," Saeran blurts out, flustered by how affectionate Saeyoung's tone is, his words, and the fact that he's _actually out in the woods_ _looking for him_ now.

"I only said I wanted to see it because... because of how outrageous it sounded. Don't tell me you're actually..." But Saeran knows very well that Saeyoung is. Can feel it down to his very core.

It feels good... And he'd like it if Saeyoung did find him...

But the logical part of his brain... no, the cynical part. The scared part. It isn't so convinced.

**Saeyoung**

Shadows are already falling across Saeyoung's face from the trees overhead.

He's certain he's going in the right direction.

He's _seized_ with the desire to pursue his brother through the forest. He's not turning back now.

"Haha, when it's you calling me that, I kind of like it!"

Outside, here in the fresh air, pursuing his brother, his love...

It's a thrill.

Nothing at stake but his heart. Something worth risking, if it's for Saeran.

And he has to find him. To show Saeran he really means it.

(I can't tell you I love you, but I'll love you with every action... softly. Safely.)

That's a fair compromise, right?

"It really is beautiful out here... I'm glad to see it properly myself, too!"

**Saeran**

His brother is an idiot. An airhead. A complete fool.

So why can Saeran feel himself falling more in love with him than ever?

"...what is this, midnight hide and seek?" he wonders, somewhat awed.

"If you're already out here... then don't waste any time and come find me." Better to enjoy the beauty of the night together, than have Saeyoung dawdle and get off track.

**Saeyoung**

The moonlight is almost tangible, and almost...

Almost feels like Saeyoung can taste it on his tongue, in this warm night air.

(Am I getting drunk on this light? It feels like how people describe it...)

Certainly, the tugging at his heart is a giddy compulsion he can't ignore. He can understand the stories of witches and warlocks dancing naked under the moon, out here.

"Yes... I'm seeking you..." Saeyoung agrees, the smile evident in his voice.

How far had Saeran walked already? He's not exactly sure, but his heart pulls stronger with every step.

"I can feel you, Saeran-ah~" he says breathlessly, softly, the drunken moon painting sweet shadows over the path before him. Sensing the forest is listening to him, just as Saeran is.

"I'm getting closer~"

And it feels like the forest is sending him towards his twin, too. Even the earth as it presses back against the soles of his shoes feels like it's urging him forward.

"I'll be with you soon... I think."

He only adds the 'I think' out of false modesty.

He knows.

_He knows._

The world watches him, and it knows, too.

For them to be together is just as natural as the rain dripping down a leaf.

A pebble, being tumbled around in the current of a stream...

(Ah...!)

Saeran...

Saeran's back.

"I found you."

Still holding the phone, he wraps his arms around his twin from behind.

"I found you," he repeats into his brother's back.

He'll let Saeran go in a second.

But for a moment, he just enjoys the feeling of his heart, no longer being pulled. Because he's where he should be.

**Saeran**

The arms around him suddenly aren't a shock. Saeran had long sensed them coming.

These emotions may be natural, but Saeran feels the magic between them. Knows that if he turns around, he'd be compelled to move in closer and capture Saeyoung's lips... Much like Saeyoung had just captured him.

He doesn't dare. Instead, he breathes in, drinking in the heady summer air, then releases it along with that urge.

".. I was waiting," he says into the phone. Not hanging up yet.

He's been waiting for Saeyoung so long...

**Saeyoung**

As Saeran exhales, Saeyoung can feel the slight tension in his brother go with it.

Leaving just his twin, and him.

Together, in this half-shadow, half-light.

"Cute... did you want to keep talking to me on the phone longer, Saeran-ah?"

Saeyoung softly releases his twin, bringing his own phone back up to his ear.

He's being too flirty, he knows, and maybe inside it'd be dangerous. But out here, the ground still pushes him forwards, the trees silently egg him on, and the moon touches them both gently, approving.

Or so it feels to him. Out here, there's space for the world around him to accept his feelings, absorb them into every rock and twig, and let them both just share some peace together. Allowing everything space to breathe. Ruining nothing.

He speaks into the phone. "I was pretty quick, right? I knew right away... I'd find you."

**Saeran**

Playing along, and just to be safe, Saeran keeps his back to his twin.

Who knows what would happen if their eyes met right now?

"Don't brag," he responds, grasping at any defence that could protect their relationship as is.

Saeran could never forgive himself if he ruined it. Glancing down to the ground, Saeran observes how the shadows stretch. How Saeyoung's envelops his.

He aches to share their darkness.

"...Your voice sounds different over the phone," he hedges. And it does. Full of emotion that Saeyoung can't voice to him directly. This way... in the strange twilight, they can communicate their dark needs while keeping in balance with the light.

**Saeyoung**

"It's because I'm speaking directly into your ear~" Saeyoung teases, and he _knows_ that's not why but he says it anyway, because it feels good.

And watching his brother hold his phone to his ear, knowing the phone is closer than Saeyoung should really be himself...

It's an acceptable substitute for his lips.

Just like the embrace of the night air and the moonlight on his skin is an acceptable substitute for his brother.

At least, for now.

If he finds it no longer keeping his shadow in check, then he'll have to improvise.

Right now… is both the safest and most dangerous time, to be with Saeran like this.

It's when he can think of consequences as guidelines rather than absolutes.

"Well... let's go deeper, Saeran-ah..."

His brother's continued use of the phone... it does feel a little safer. There's no reason not to continue with it, either. Reception is good, even here.

The leaves above them shiver slightly as he moves to Saeran's side.

He switches his phone to his left hand.

Takes Saeran's in his right.

"Feels like we're in a fairy tale, right...?" he comments lightly into the phone, the shiver of the leaves above them transferring to his body.

It almost feels like Saeran was expecting his hand. There's no resistance.

Because this is how the story goes, right? Only, they're both writing it together even as they live it. Though… no fairy tale has ever made him feel quite like this. There's magic all around them.

They walk.

"I feel like I should be telling you a story..." Saeyoung adds quietly. The spell around them requires soft words, he can tell.

"But it feels like the forest already has plenty of its own, right?"

The grasses under his feet bend in agreement.

**Saeran**

"I think we're in a story already," Saeran confesses, fingers curling into Saeyoung's hand. "Two brothers... walking through a forest late at night... Ah, maybe we'll find a house made of candy next?"

That would be perfect. Saeran would absolutely go into such a house. Even if it meant burning a witch alive.

But that's not what they find. Instead, they come across a ring of mushrooms brightly lit by the moon.

"Oh!"

So, faeries.

**Saeyoung**

"I'd just been thinking about dancing in a circle under the moonlight earlier," Saeyoung grins. "That's how faeries make these, I read~"

He squats down for a better look, lifting his arm to keep hold of Saeran's hand. If they're in a fairy story, not letting go feels like the strongest good luck charm they have. Much better than the sheet around his shoulders.

"Though, some people say these spring up over the top of an underground faerie village..."

He can believe it, looking at this. It's certainly understandable why myths and superstitions formed around the phenomenon.

**Saeran**

"It's bad luck to step into them or interfere too," Saeran points out, tugging Saeyoung up.

Just... just in case... He doesn't want his brother spirited away from him again.

**Saeyoung**

The faint note of concern makes Saeyoung smile, and he allows himself to be pulled back up to Saeran's side easily enough.

"Mm, you're right. We're being allowed to pass through here, but we shouldn't disturb anything, right?"

The forest is gracious in its total lack of response. There's not so much as the rustle of a single animal in the bushes.

"On warm, still nights like this, it feels like the whole world is holding its breath until morning, don't you think?"

Is it only in these in-between places that he can completely relax with his brother?

He wants it in the morning, too.

He wants it always.

He lets the melancholy longing pass through him, though, not wanting to mope when right now everything is so beautiful.

They wander through the forest a while longer, before slowly beginning to move back towards the bunker.

Still hand in hand, even if the temperature makes that a faintly sticky prospect.

It's important.

They're not far off home when Saeyoung spots it... the small, familiar silhouette...

He lowers his voice, then points upwards.

"Look... against the sky..." It's the outline of a bat, hanging from a branch. Perhaps taking a break from a night of hunting.

"I think that's a 'horseshoe bat'..."

They both keep quiet, careful not to disturb it. Saeyoung's seen them out here before, but only darting as dark shadows overhead.

**Saeran**

"Oh..." Saeran observes it for a moment, curious. It also reminds him of the zoo.

"Don't try to capture it. It won't be as friendly as that other bat." One was far more domesticated, while this one was wild and fleeting.

**Saeyoung**

"...I think capturing a bat would count as 'disturbing something'" Saeyoung replies, somewhat drier than usual.

His twin really saw him as an agent of chaos, huh? His old 707 mask haunting him, still.

"Don't worry."

That's not who Saeyoung is. It's only ever been a hazy reflection. A mirage.

The real him is the one carefully following his twin home.

**Saeran**

"Listen... I saw how attached you got to it," Saeran retorts. And he's seen how his brother can be around cute animals. Elizabeth the 3rd a prime example. 707 mask or no.

Either way, the conversation disturbs the bat, and it takes wing shortly after Saeran replies.

"Oh..."

**Saeran**

"Well, I'm attached to _you_ right now - I don't need a bat," Saeyoung smirks, lifting his twin's hand a little for emphasis. "Why take something from the forest when I already have what I need?"

He means it as a brother as much as he does any other way.

He found Saeran. The rest of the forest could keep its treasures.

In the distance, a faint, high-pitched sound...

"Ah... I think it's using its echolocation; can you hear it? Finding a path through the trees, just by sound!"

Saeyoung's volume rises, excited and nerding out.

**Saeran**

"Too bad we can't use your voice like that," Saeran murmurs, glad for the change of subject, a little flustered over Saeyoung's blatant adoration.

(Can't let it show...)

Tonight, it feels so easy to do.

"We have to find a path the old-fashioned way."

**Saeyoung**

And they do - occasionally stopping to look at the stars through the treetops and admire the ever - growing shadows around them, laced with silvery light.

(I can't be lost, with you here.)

Other than avoiding bringing his twin close for a kiss, Saeyoung's not restraining himself at all.

It feels so _good_.

It feels... right.

Just like before, he feels... whole.

It's almost enough to make him want to confess his feelings for real.

Surely like this, Saeran couldn't hate him for it.

_Almost._

It's almost enough.

If it weren’t for Meta, he feels like he really would let himself go completely right now, under the stars. Too in love to hold back everything in his heart any longer.

(But I can’t say it. That would be a betrayal, for sure, no matter how kind Meta is…)

Well. He lets himself say part of what’s in his heart, at least.

"I'm happy I found you."

**Saeran**

For a moment, Saeran allows himself to squeeze Saeyoung's hand a little tighter.

"...It was still stupid," he says, though, with a sigh into his phone.

(What if it didn't work?)

Saeran knows that his twin couldn't necessarily stop himself, though. He's familiar with the urge to find and be close to one another.

**Saeyoung**

"Hmmm... if it's stupid and it works, is it still stupid?" Saeyoung's voice is as warm as the night air. "Ah... it can be both, I know... haha. But, I knew I could do it. I feel like I could find you anywhere, now that I..."

(...know my own heart. Which, basically, means knowing you... my heart.)

"I know what to look for, now..." he finishes smoothly enough.

**Saeran**

If Saeyoung says something like that, it makes Saeran want to test it even more.

Maybe he will.

But next time he won't give Saeyoung any notice.

"You shouldn't make such claims..." he warns, glancing around them.

"The faeries might take it as a challenge." Everyone knows faeries are tricksters, prone to fickle whims. Particularly at the expense of humans.

**Saeyoung**

It's true. The forest sometimes liked to take treasures for its own. Humanity has had stories around such things since the beginning of stories.

Saeyoung's previously casual grip grows a little less slack. He walks closer, so that their arms are almost brushing.

"If they don't want their faerie blog ring hacked, they'll pick other targets," he jokes, though he seems to be taking the mythological threat a little more seriously than his voice implies.

After all, in this light: anything can happen.

"But you wouldn't let them, anyway," Saeyoung concludes, and it almost sounds like he's reassuring himself. "Oh. Unless they tempted you with candy. Maybe then. I'll just have to keep our stash stocked up, I guess~"

**Saeran**

Saeran scoffs and rolls his eyes. As if candy was that important to him... Yet Saeyoung's brought up an interesting point.

"Who says I'm me? For all you know... I'm a changeling swapped out with your actual twin."

Sometimes he feels that way too. That he's a poor imitation of the boy that was Saeran.

It explains why he can't fit in. Why he's so different.

**Saeyoung**

Saeyoung stops short. Shoves his phone, call still going, into his pocket. His other arm goes tense as Saeran takes another step and finds himself held back.

"I say. Because _I_ _know_."

For the first time since they joined each other in the forest, Saeyoung steps ahead of his brother and turns to face him. "I know you."

Saeran still has his phone to his ear, lips parted like he's going to respond.

But he doesn't say anything.

Saeyoung places his free hand over the phone at his twin's ear.

Takes both Saeran's phone and his hand to rest over Saeyoung's own heart. "You're my other half..."

He meets Saeran's eyes. "I'm drawn to you. Even across a forest."

He's sure, now. He and Meta were destined to meet. They appeared just as he needed them. Because if it wasn't for them, he'd confess it all right now.

"Saeran..."

Though if it was possible to confess your love only in the way you say someone's name...

Then this would definitely be a confession.

If it was possible to kiss with just the way you looked at someone.

Then this would definitely have been a kiss.

He steps back to his brother's side again, though, before it can become a real one. Returning Saeran's hand holding the phone to his own chest.

Fishing out his own phone once more.

"So, I'd know," he continues softly into the receiver. "If you weren't the brother I loved any more. But guess what? You are."

In so many ways. "And I'm not letting you go away with the faeries. Or if you do... I'll come with you."

Other hand still in Saeran's, he goes to start walking again.

"So long as you're around calling me a moron... sharing meals... going for walks... human kingdom, faerie kingdom... bat kingdom... I'm fine with any of them, heh."

**Saeran**

It's impossible to respond. Saeran's heart is stuck in his throat, full of words he can't let himself say.

(I'm... Saeran.)

The confirmation means more than Saeyoung may know.

It feels silly now to have the phones to their ears, since Saeyoung has faced him. Looked at him and spoke to him in a way which almost demands Saeran to fall into his arms.

Saeran might die from having to restrain himself at this rate.

Swallowing heavily, he tries to force his heart back down into his chest so he can breathe. Pulls his cell phone away, so that he can turn it off.

Stops Saeyoung from walking further, though the bunker is now in sight through the trees.

But he's lost on what he can say.

"Do we... have to go back inside?" he strings together haltingly. Finding words that fit. Words that he can be allowed to say. As if compelled by a geass.

**Saeyoung**

Call ended, Saeyoung tucks his phone away, too. Leaving a hand free.

There are so many things he wants to do with it.

(Saeran...)

(I could never love anyone quite the way I love you...)

That will remain true until the end of time, no matter what world they're in. He just can’t allow himself to explore it. Maybe, in another world, where they weren’t related…

"Another world..." Saeyoung muses out loud, fingers of his free hand curling inwards.

He shouldn’t think about it. But. Despite the occasional signal otherwise, could Saeran feel some of this love for him, even some of the time?

Outside... free from the rest of their links to the normal world... it feels... like he could.

The thought strikes Saeyoung with a longing so intense he loses his words, briefly, too.

If they could just free themselves entirely from these invisible rules, what could they become?

"...a world where you can be exactly who you are without fear..."

He loosens the sheet he's had around his shoulders this whole time, taking a handful of the fabric and pulling the length of it downwards.

"If I could take you to a place like that, Saeran-ah... I'd go running there with you right now..."

That LOLOL is such a place, at least to a degree, doesn't occur to Saeyoung at this moment.

He's only interested in this fey, liminal, space they occupy right now.

Saeyoung takes the sheet and steps before Saeran again, to drape one end over his shoulder, too. So that it encircles them both.

"Does this count as a faerie circle? Maybe the whole forest is one."

Connected and encircled by the blanket...

(Can I make one just with my arms?)

"Maybe..."

Under just as much a compulsion as his twin, he steps forward to wrap his arms around his brother, too. Burying his face in Saeran's shoulder.

He mumbles into it: "I want to stay in this circle forever, too..."

But the sun will come up eventually.

The outlines of their shadows will grow sharp again, no more blending together.

But for now, Saeyoung's shadow and Saeran's shadow are the same.

He lifts a hand to stroke the hair at Saeran's neck.

"Saeran... you're Saeran... and no matter what world we fall into, we'll find each other... always..."

Part of him wants to cry just from his love alone, without even starting on the longing. Part of him wants to pull away and then kiss Saeran until they both fall to the ground.

But another part is shining with gratitude that he has this moment... an in-between moment where his love feels almost acceptable...

He focuses on that gratitude, so that he can stop himself from ruining it. "We have to return eventually..." he acknowledges to himself.

"But I can live with that, so long as you're there too."

**Saeran**

The hairs at Saeran's neck feel like they're standing on end even as Saeyoung smooths them down. Sensitive to every brush of his twin's fingertips.

He has to stop himself from shivering.

They may have LOLOL, but it can't compare to the physicality of these in-between moments. Saeyoung may be able to keep himself from kissing Saeran right now, or crying, but Saeran is finding that more difficult. Tears spring to his eyes from his combined frustration and appreciation.

"A... aah... what can... we do...?" he can't help but wonder aloud, free floating and hopelessly in love with the world in his brother's arms, but simultaneously aware of how fleeting it is.

This moment can’t be permanent, no matter how much he wishes for it.

**Saeyoung**

Saeyoung wants it to be forever, too. So badly.

Right now, their world is just the two of them, and they can be who they are.

Almost.

Only the thinnest of veils separating their truths.

"I... I don't know..." he answers Saeran, wishing he had a less useless answer.

Saeran's crying for both of them.

It twists Saeyoung's insides, happy to feel so close to his brother. But tasting the guilt of making Saeran cry just as much. A bitter flavour. He could never kiss his twin when his mouth is like this.

"Every moment... with you... gives me a reason to keep trying to work that out. And... if... if I work out the answer, I'll tell you first."

He strokes Saeran's hair, and holds him close, and breathes in deep.

"Let's stay like this a little longer... please, stay with me. Until we need to sleep. Then maybe I'll dream an answer for you..."


	6. Exchanging breaths

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The day after their walk in the woods, the twins go on a LOLOL raid to another beautiful location that only makes Saeyoung remember his time spent with Saeran the night before all the more vividly.
> 
> Saeyoung's ability to keep his feelings a secret from his twin may be growing weaker and weaker...
> 
> Saeran tries to be strong for them both.

**Saeyoung**

Both twins spend little time outside their rooms the following day, tired physically and emotionally.

They can't do as they wish in this world, so it's no surprise they both wind up on LOLOL.

Which is when a guild member invites Star and Meta to a water dungeon raid event. Tied to the other summer game events, and open to everyone over level 30, it offers more fiendish puzzles than usual, and more unique gear.

> SevenStar > oh good, a water level lol
> 
> BoomNoggin > ikr
> 
> BoomNoggin > El is gtg and Egg can start in ~10
> 
> BoomNoggin > so with u two we'll be well covered

So, water dungeon it is.

They all enter, everyone firing off protection spells if they have them, ready to face whatever the game throws at them.

Seems like the fighting will be interspersed with swimming through mazes and collecting glowing water shards.

**Saeran**

It's tough. Saeran has no experience with this kind of dungeon, and as a machinist it feels like he's at a disadvantage since there's no place or time to lay traps.

But they manage, when he focuses more on his DPS role.

Besides that... It's beautifully designed. Full of fantastic sea creatures and enchanting music.

At one point, the party has to split up, in order to defeat mid bosses in different parts of the dungeon simultaneously. Resulting in an even tougher challenge, but a much higher number of shards they can cash in for rare items later.

Naturally, Meta and Star go together.

> > Haah...
> 
> > Too bad we have to speed through
> 
> > It'd be nice to slow down and enjoy this properly

**Saeyoung**

> > T_T yeah  
>  > it prettyyyy

Star has to stop responding for a little while as a pile of monster shrimp drop onto them from the ceiling.

They clean them up quickly enough though - Star and Meta already have adopted a winning strategy for taking out the monsters in here.

> > makes me want to go to a beach, or the aquarium or something...
> 
> > maybe once we finish the final boss, we can stick around and look at things?

**Saeran**

Meta takes a few seconds to reply back, collecting the shards.

> > oh, good idea!

Usually people exit the dungeon right away, but it was entirely possible to hang around afterwards.

For now they have to focus on completing the event though, especially since their other party members are waiting.

**Saeyoung**

They make it through the smaller mobs and collect their share of the shards easily enough. The midboss is a bit of a challenge, but they pull through it after a few hairy moments of low HP.

Finally they reunite with the other guild members in the end chamber, ready to face the end boss.

> MiniMart_egg > ready to go?
> 
> MyB4llsRUpHere > lol that was so easy
> 
> Elspeth > gotta let my ether potion restore, 25 secs

Once everyone is prepared, they head into the arena - a watery cave filled with glowing sea creatures and a giant, vengeful crab.

The final boss doesn't deal out a huge amount of damage, but its health and damage absorption is crazy. Combined with a few status effect attacks, it’s a pain in the ass.

There's definitely no time to stand around and admire the beauty of the cave they're in.

Their party is up to the challenge, though, and eventually the crab comes crashing to the ground, dissolving into green and purple smoke.

> BoomNoggin > nice. gg!!
> 
> MiniMart_egg > thanks all!!!
> 
> Elspeth > See you all next time!
> 
> MyB4llsRUpHere > see u!

Everyone collects their rewards and heads out of the dungeon - it isn't long until Meta and Star are left alone.

Star joins Meta's side.

> > gj, as usual ^^
> 
> > wanna take a look around?

**Saeran**

Meta replies with a cheer!

> > of course!
> 
> > I like being able to do anything with you...
> 
> > but it helps when we can take our time!

As usual, Saeran allows himself to be more flirtatious and open online.

**Saeyoung**

Star giggles.

> > you're cute
> 
> > how am I going to pay attention to things in here when I have u around?
> 
> > still, I'll do my best...

They wander out of the arena to a narrow walkway over a glowing, underground ocean.

Large crystals rise from the water, the source of the glowing. Hordes of fish of every colour circle around each giant crystal.

> > u know...
> 
> > it looks like this is a hidden pathway, maybe for another chest?

Their jumping skills were well practiced after the summer beach event with the tower... they can easily jump these crystals.

**Saeran**

Saeran can see it too. With the practice from the earlier event, they could make it up there easily.

> > Too bad for the others then.
> 
> > They missed out on it!

Going up to the crystal, Meta makes a few attempts before clearing it.

**Saeyoung**

Star is close behind, joining Meta in a crystalline cave totally hidden from where they were standing before.

From floor to ceiling, the crystal walls hold back an ocean of water. Fantastical versions of eels, stingrays and nautilus swim past in random patterns, filtered light casting beautiful patterns on the rocky floor.

> > they really went all out on this place...!

It's quite the reward for finding the hidden pathway. Enough that it's actually a minute before they notice the treasure chest.

It turns out to have an item Meta can use.

> > oh, nice
> 
> > wanna spend a little time here?
> 
> > I kind of want to watch everything swimming around...
> 
> > Especially these manta ray-looking animals…
> 
> > I’ve always wanted to see one of those in real life…

**Saeran**

Star hardly needs to ask. Meta switches into his swimsuit outfit he won earlier, before stroking a pose.

> > Yes!
> 
> > I want to take pictures too.
> 
> > We can make sure the rays are in some of them!

What better place to take photos? It’s perfect. And it feels good to be able to spend time with Saeyoung like this, after last night…

**Saeyoung**

Star claps and then blushes at the switch.

(Meta really is adorable...)

She switches out to her swimwear too, and sidles up to Meta to sort-of kiss his now unclothed forearm.

> > this time, no one can disturb our date~
> 
> > being alone with you in a pretty place like this...
> 
> > it's even more scenic than the beach was...

He thinks of himself and Saeran, alone in the forest, hand in hand.

(...the light here is kinda similar.)

> > half-light... and shadows... are romantic, don't you think?
> 
> > makes you feel like even your deepest longings
> 
> > could become reality...
> 
> > like magic

**Saeran**

Saeran immediately recognises what Saeyoung must be referring to. The memory of last night is all too fresh in his mind, here. And after all, it's thanks to these halfway places that they can allow their feelings to show.

LOLOL is a halfway place in and of itself.

> > Do you think
> 
> > There's a spell
> 
> > To make this a reality?
> 
> > Or is this as close as we get...?

The question is along the same lines as Saeran's last night, when he cried.

_What can we do?_

> > I'd like to have this in the light too.
> 
> > Or even delve deep into the darkness with you.

**Saeyoung**

> > sometimes I want to be dragged down into the depths
> 
> > is that weird?
> 
> > feels like I'd still be able to breathe...
> 
> > maybe it'd be even easier to breathe, if I stay in the dark...

Saeyoung... leans away from the computer a moment, and flicks off the light.

Now the scene onscreen and his glow in the dark stars are all that's lighting the room

> > wanna know something funny?
> 
> > just switched off my light
> 
> > now all I can see is this dreamy scene
> 
> > just you and me...
> 
> > guess right now it's the darkness I want
> 
> > so that all I can see is you...
> 
> > surrounded by this glow...

**Saeran**

Meta blushes. Every word and action of Star's flattering, though Saeran has some misgivings.

> > That's not strange... it's very sweet!
> 
> > Are you sure you did that for me though?
> 
> > Or the beauty surrounding us?

The soft light of the crystals bouncing off the water is much more picturesque than himself. Even with a cute avatar.

> > That said...
> 
> > It really enhances your own beauty ^^

**Saeyoung**

Star stretches and yawns, showing off the swimsuit.

> > say things like that
> 
> > and I'll get a big head~
> 
> > then we'll be stuck down here, I won't get out the exit

Star moves next to a brightly coloured crystal giving off small sparks in the room.

> > c'mover here...
> 
> > meta-meta
> 
> > take a photo with me...
> 
> > tell me something else nice...

**Saeran**

They might be communicating through text, but there's no mistaking Star's seductive tone. Meta follows her easily, totally enamoured.

> > Something else...?
> 
> > Like this, you could be a sparkling mermaid.

Knowing Saeyoung's own predisposition for fairy tales helps Saeran say it.

Though he was thinking it anyway.

(I'm trapped by your siren song...)

Perhaps his twin is right. They were destined to be trapped in these magical but forbidden in-between spaces. They were the only places the two of them could meet.

After all, mermaids and humans weren't meant to be together, either.

**Saeyoung**

Star sits by the crystal, and smiles up at Meta.

> > oh...
> 
> > if I'm a mermaid...
> 
> > will you carry me out of here in your arms?
> 
> > given I can't use my tail...
> 
> > it's lonely here at the bottom of the ocean...
> 
> > I need you...
> 
> > you're the only link I have to the land...

(...is this getting too weird?) Meta always seemed happy to run with whatever Star threw down, but he can _really_ feel himself getting carried away, tonight.

> > haha...
> 
> > I've been in a weird mood since last night
> 
> > hope I'm not too strange
> 
> > there's a question I want to answer really badly
> 
> > about this world... and the others out there

Last night has left a strange mixture of emotions and thoughts in his head.

But he wants... _needs_ to feel and express his love...

Needs to focus that love on Meta...

Otherwise he really will just run to Saeran, and drag them both into the depths.

> > you...
> 
> > I really want to touch you...
> 
> > fish me out of the sea, Meta...
> 
> > press your lips against mine so I can breathe...
> 
> > I want to step between worlds...

**Saeran**

Saeran doesn't ask about last night, or Saeyoung's question, because he doesn't need to. He knows.

Meta, on the other hand, does not... But Star's request is perfect for circumventing that, and too tempting besides. He’d wanted to kiss his twin in the moonlight... so much…

(This... will have to do.)

It's only a gesture, but Saeran has Meta send Star a kiss.

> > Whether I drag you to land...
> 
> > Or you pull me to the depths of the sea
> 
> > I'll gladly kiss you over and over
> 
> > To the point you steal away every breath I have

Kissing isn't necessary for that either. Saeran has been rendered breathless by his brother many times before.

**Saeyoung**

> > take my breaths, too
> 
> > let's swap everything
> 
> > breaths
> 
> > kisses
> 
> > touches
> 
> > I...
> 
> > it's so tempting, that thought
> 
> > to hold on and not let go
> 
> > to turn to face you, and not just look at you...
> 
> > but lean in and take your breaths from you...

He's trying to focus on Meta, but his every word echoes his longing from last night.

> > it'd be a cruel thing to do, though
> 
> > to do that to you...
> 
> > but I want to so much...
> 
> > I want all of you...

(Saeran...)

(Ah, even now... I can't get you out of my head...)

(I'm sorry Meta... I'll try harder.)

> > Ahh...
> 
> > I'm getting carried away
> 
> > about wanting to be carried away
> 
> > lol...

**Saeran**

There's no reason to be sorry. Saeran wants more of it. Feels like maybe, Saeyoung is truly talking to _him_ for once, and not Meta.

> > I...
> 
> > I don't mind you being cruel
> 
> > If that's the shape it takes

It’s the fact that they're trying so hard to be good that prevents them from acting out their true desires, after all. So it’s no wonder he's come to crave any hint of wickedness from his brother.

> > If you want to be carried away...
> 
> > All you need to do is let go.
> 
> > I'll grab onto you.

**Saeyoung**

He wants to let go and give in.

But it's still Saeran he's thinking of.

(Meta... reminds me of him... but it's Saeran I can’t get out of my head.)

Saeran will always be his most important person. But Meta is who he _needs_. Meta is _safe._

(...right? It’s Meta… Meta’s the right choice… and Meta loves me back…)

> > I think I need that...
> 
> > I really... need that...
> 
> > there are so many things I would do if I just let go...
> 
> > if you're holding onto me...
> 
> > then I can let go...
> 
> > pull me over to your side, Meta...
> 
> > wrap me in you so I can't imagine anything else
> 
> > drown out my thoughts with your words
> 
> > fill me with you, so I'm not tempted to dance circles in the moonlight...

Saeyoung's fingertips can feel every slight texture, every small vibration of his keyboard as they sweep against the keys.

> > I want you
> 
> > to tell me how you'll hold me
> 
> > tell me how you'd kiss me in this soft light
> 
> > please
> 
> > so I can breathe again
> 
> > I need you

**Saeran**

How can he refuse? This is exactly what he's been going for. Saeyoung may stop himself from moonlit dancing in reality, but here...

Saeran thinks of how he couldn't meet Saeyoung's eyes. Has Meta shift to face Star fully, gaze fixed on hers.

> > Star
> 
> > I want to pull you flush against me
> 
> > and capture your lips with no delay
> 
> > I can't stand waiting any longer.

**Saeyoung**

Saeyoung becomes very aware of his own heartbeat.

> > they're yours
> 
> > my breath is yours, too
> 
> > and with every breath...
> 
> > I'll melt into your body
> 
> > my love...

He’s dizzy. Wanting. Yearning.

> > I need you more than anyone, Saeran...

He catches that last line _just_ as he's about to hit Enter.

(Oh, god...)

Deletes the words just before he has a chance to send the incriminating message.

(...Meta... why can't I be better, for you?)

(... and Saeran.)

The sudden guilt has him panicked.

> > ahh...
> 
> > i feel more exposed than I realised
> 
> > hah...
> 
> > all this... isn't as easy as it sounds from the outside
> 
> > how... are you feeling?

**Saeran**

Saeran had been in the midst of fantasizing about the very actions described, so the change in subject is rather abrupt. Suddenly, he's aware of the words he wrote, and how little he knew how to communicate.

It's awkward.

And embarrassing.

(Saeyoung must feel this too...)

> > It... Is a little much ^^;;
> 
> > I've never done anything like this before...
> 
> > But I want to feel close to you.

So he's willing to try his best.

**Saeyoung**

(Why am I so hopeless...)

(I have to fight against myself to not kiss my own brother, and then fight just as much to _write_ about kissing my _actual_ romantic partner…)

But... when he was imagining Saeran, it was all so easy…

Surely in time he can transfer those feelings… so that Meta has their fair share of them, and not his younger twin brother.

Surely...

> > I need to be close to you
> 
> > but I might slip up at times...
> 
> > this is all kinda new to me
> 
> > a skill I'll need to work on
> 
> > right now even just thinking about being held in your arms...
> 
> > about breaking the circle, taking that last step and just kissing you
> 
> > letting go of my inhibitions and doing what I want

...he's just thinking about Saeran again.

> > ...it makes me dizzy

**Saeran**

Saeran wants to encourage Saeyoung. Has the impression that his brother is still talking about him, about last night, than actually Meta...

But that doesn't change the fact that it is _Meta_ in the game with Star, and _Meta_ who had agreed to the importance of sticking to the boundaries of what each of them is comfortable with.

(...my own character is a better person than me) Saeran muses, but he knew this. Has thought more than once, this was the person wishes he could be more like.

> > Well...
> 
> > I'd like it... if you did.
> 
> > But I'm worried it's pushing you too far.
> 
> > We can go slowly...

**Saeyoung**

Saeyoung's thoughts are along similar lines to Saeran's.

> > you're a much better person than me
> 
> > thank you for being patient
> 
> > this is the perfect place, though, isn't it?
> 
> > surrounded by water and fish and this beautiful light
> 
> > a perfect place to find some peace... be yourself
> 
> > a perfect place to be with someone you love...

They don't push each other farther than this for now, spending some time posing for more photos against the shimmering crystals and eerie, beautiful sea creatures as they swim past.

Meta's right. They don't have to rush.

He can control himself... he doesn't have to push too hard with Meta just to avoid doing the same to Saeran... he just needs to be patient with himself, too.

He can do this...

He can be the brother and the lover he wants to be...

Still, the next morning, he's thinking of how much he wishes he could have shown Saeran the things he saw with Meta.

Though he still slightly surprises himself as he breaks the comfortable silence they both sit in over breakfast to ask:

"Saeran... today... would you like to visit an aquarium with me?"

**Saeran**

The question almost makes Saeran choke.

After what happened online last night...

It'd be logical to not try and recreate the same setting you enjoyed with your lover, with your brother, right?

(Does he think at all...?!)

Or is it that his brother can't help himself?

Saeran understands the latter. It's why he carefully swallows his tea and nods cautiously, though he still gives Saeyoung a strange look.

"W… why there?"

**Saeyoung**

Saeyoung doesn't quite understand Saeran's odd look. He's invited his twin out places before with this little notice, right?

Is there something Saeran doesn't like about aquariums, maybe?

"Ah, well, if you'd rather do other things today that's okay... it's not like the fish are going anywhere, haha..."

He gets the impression Saeran's after more of an explanation, for some reason. Maybe in the way his twin was looking at him...

Something in the look makes him want to squirm, like he's a worm exposed to the air.

"I felt like showing you something pretty... have you ever seen glowing seaweed? They have some of that there, apparently..."

**Saeran**

The excuse sounds hollow to Saeran's ears, but he doesn’t question it.

"Ah... You're talking about bioluminesence, right? I've seen images." Both in books on plants, and in fantastic world of LOLOL.

Despite already warming to the idea, he adds, as indifferently as he can: “But can we go tomorrow? I had a book I wanted to finish today.”

It’s a lie, but the more he thinks about Saeyoung replicating their online date in the real world, the more of a struggle it is not to show his true reaction on his face. If they went today, after that romantic evening in the water dungeon last night… and the equally romantic walk in the forest the night before…

(Three days in a row… it might be too tempting to do something.)

For either of them. Saeran had barely held back in the woods as it was. He’s not sure his heart can take more of that so soon. And there’s no doubt in his mind he’ll be moved by visiting a real aquarium, and the knowledge of the feelings Saeyoung has…

A day to decompress is essential, for both their sakes. So that neither do anything they’ll regret. After all, he _loves_ Saeyoung. So he doesn’t want his brother to ruin himself by doing something that he’ll regret later on.

**Saeyoung**

Saeyoung's resulting smile is broad and bright. "Ah... that's fine! I’m just happy you’ll come with me!"

A voice in the back of his head whispers something about how he's asking for destruction, placing himself in so many date-like situations with his twin. Especially given how close he's come to confessing it all, recently.

But Saeran's earlier assumption was correct.

He just can't help himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, place your bets now on whether Saeyoung's going to actually be able to make it through their aquarium visit without breaking and saying something to his brother, haha... 
> 
> He seems hell-bent on putting himself in situations that make his life difficult, after all...


	7. Batteries included

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The twins' aquarium date is under threat when Saeyoung wakes up feeling like nauseous, sentient cement. Saeran finds himself put in the unfamiliar and somewhat uncomfortable role of caregiver.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a heads up that in this AU Saeyoung actually was captured and imprisoned for a short time while rescuing Saeran from Mint Eye (unlike in our Garden of Stars series, where Zen helped Saeyoung - in this AU he went alone to Mint Eye). 
> 
> Saeran remembers this at one point during the chapter, but we haven't brought it up in the fic before so i didnt want anyone to be confused!

**Saeyoung**

When Saeyoung wakes the next morning, he regrets it instantly.

"U...ugh..."

His whole body aches. The aquarium visit they had planned for today is the last thing on his mind.

"G...gah... I'm dying..."

It feels like his guts are trying to fight his way out of his body by any means necessary. He stumbles out of the bedroom towards the bathroom in a daze. (...did I eat something bad?)

He... _had_ bought some seafood pancake from a street stall when he was in the city yesterday afternoon picking up a few supplies...

He hopes that's the cause. Everything else he ate yesterday, he’d shared with Saeran. And the last thing he wants is for Saeran to -

(Ugh…This... is really bad...)

As he reaches the bathroom, he clutches at his stomach. He can't remember a time when it was tied up in so many knots. The closest comparison to this feeling would be the pain the Agency had trained him to endure, although he'd never been made to drink anything that did _this_ to his stomach...

He can feel sweat pouring from his body, his temperature spiking even as he tries to pass whatever it is plaguing him from his body.

(...I'm only feeling worse and worse...)

It's too hot...

He manages to flush, and wash his hands, the cool water a brief comfort.

It's still _way too hot_...

So he lies down on the cool bathroom tiles, taking relief from the way they absorb some of the heat from his body.

"I'm gonna die... I'm gonna die for sure..." he whimpers to himself, and he hardly feels he's exaggerating.

(I just... have to wait it out... there's nothing I can do...)

**Saeran**

Saeran wakes with a sense of urgency. Only a subconscious hunch that something is wrong.

But, really, that’s not such an unusual experience for him. So he concludes it’s the remnants of a nightmare and tries to put it out of his mind. Fortunately for Saeyoung, the first thing Saeran tends to do after a nightmare is wash up, and get something to drink.

Still, the urgent feeling he had on waking doesn’t prepare him for seeing Saeyoung on the floor as he opens the bathroom door.

"H... Hyung!"

Saeran has only seen Saeyoung like this once before, in the cells of Mint Eye. It makes his stomach lurch.

**Saeyoung**

Saeyoung tilts up his head to look towards his brother blearily, face dripping with sweat, glasses long removed. "Saeran..." His lips manage to quirk up, for an all too brief moment. "You're... okay...? Good..."

At least it's only Saeyoung suffering from whatever this is. He forces himself to sit up, though he can't keep in a small cry of pain as his stomach resists the movement.

"I'm just... think I got a little food poisoning in the city yesterday… hah…?"

His voice has never sounded this weak, at least, not in Saeran's presence.

**Saeran**

This... This _idiot_ , caring about him when he himself was obviously not okay!

(He's not meant to sound like that!)

Automatically, Saeran surges forward. Trying to steady Saeyoung and have his back rest up against the bathtub. "You're not going anywhere," he says seriously, stress making his tone sound more annoyed than anything else.

**Saeyoung**

"... hard enough just not dying right now..." he mutters to himself, though it comes out more like a whimper. At first he's not even aware he's talking out loud.

It's the kind of sentiment he'd actively avoid expressing around Saeran normally, but everything hurts too much...

**Saeran**

Seeing his brother in pain enough that he compares it to dying... Saeran's chest clenches in sympathy.

It's also extremely disorienting. _Saeran_ is the weak one. The _sick_ one. The role reversal is incomprehensible. (I... I don't know what to do...)

Helplessly, he gazes at Saeyoung a long moment, before glancing towards the medicine cabinet.

(Maybe something in there...?)

Saeran has enough experience being ill himself that he knows some makeshift remedies. Of course, actually going to the doctor was impossible for them both. Too many records.

"...I'll take care of you, so..." Saeran moves to the cabinet and starts rifling through it for anything that might ease a stomach ache.

**Saeyoung**

"Ah..." Saeyoung sighs, in between shallow breaths where he ponders whether he's going to need to vomit.

"Maybe... avoid me... what if it's contagious?"

(...if he caught it, I'd be so angry at myself...)

**Saeran**

The suggestion to avoid Saeyoung is so ridiculous that Saeran merely scoffs. "I'll deal with it... here, I found something."

Paracetamol. There's a chance it'll help with indigestion. "I'll make you some tea too. You should drink a lot of liquid... Ah, but no soda."

**Saeyoung**

"Uhhh........ah......."

(...I need to...!)

"I need a minute-!"

Saeyoung doesn't even have that, practically flinging himself to the toilet and grabbing onto it...

"H...hhh...k.."

But he doesn't throw up. The signals his body were sending him so powerfully a moment ago die away and leave him shaking and useless and painful and no closer towards relief at all.

He stares down into the bowl of water like there's a message at the bottom.

**Saeran**

Now Saeran really is on the brink of a complete freak out. "It... it's not that big of a deal! You're stronger than this. Just get up and take the medicine--"

He stops short, almost biting on his tongue. Dread and hate oozing through every pore of his being. "You... you're not even throwing up," he bites, his own words tasting like bile as he says them.

**Saeyoung**

(Saeran shouldn't see this.)

That's the only coherent thought Saeyoung manages to have, other than 'Ugh... I'm gonna die'.

"Ice... ugh... if there's an ice pack in the fridge... or a chilled can... i can press that against my face..."

Sending Saeran away will give him a chance to recover... maybe try vomiting again...

**Saeran**

It's a good idea. If Saeran was feeling reasonable, he'd agree to do it.

As it is, the suggestion hits Saeran hard. Sensing that this is his twin's way of sending him away.

( _Stupid airhead worthless._ I'm just making it worse)

For a second, he entertains abandoning Saeyoung. Leaving him to his fate, in pain and miserable and lonely.

The temptation is mild... But it's there.

His heart rebels against it immediately. He can't leave! He _won’t_ leave. Not now.

"Did you seriously think I'm gonna go?"

Taking a washcloth, Saeran runs it under the cold water of the tap, before wringing it out. When he's satisfied it's cold, but not soaking wet, he pads the back of Saeyoung's neck with it.

**Saeyoung**

When he's feeling this rotten, all his attraction and confusion over his brother becomes nothing more than an abstract set of ideas, without impact on his current situation at all.

None of that matters right now. His mind doesn’t have the space to think about any of it.

All that matters is...

He sniffles, forehead pressed against his forearm, which is still folded across the seat of the toilet.

"I don't want you to go..." he responds, the words tearing themselves out of his chest, like they can't stand being in his body either.

(I don't want you to see this... but I don't want you to go, either...)

A small amount of cool water trickles down his neck from the cloth... the sensation of it as good a distraction as any. He focuses on that, taking in a shallow breath, the air still far too warm...

**Saeran**

Saeran feels a small surge of pleasure at Saeyoung's tearful plea. It works to calm him down slightly, reassure him that he's needed.

He keeps petting down the back of Saeyoung's neck, the action gentler than before. "That's right. So I'm staying," is all he says.

**Saeyoung**

They remain in silence a little while - well, silent except for the sound of Saeyoung's shallow breathing and occasional whimper. He's in no state to carry on a conversation.

Saeran's presence... is soothing. As are the light, cooling touches...

(He's... really caring for me...)

(If I didn't hurt so much, I'd feel a little happy.)

The twisting in his stomach seems to reduce to a painful, but at least static kind of burn.

Now it's the fever and the sweating... what he wants is...

(A cold shower...)

"Ah... could you help me stand?"

His voice cracks like he hasn't used it in weeks, not minutes.

**Saeran**

"...Are you sure you can manage?"

Saeran isn't so sure.

**Saeyoung**

"Please..."

Otherwise he's going to crawl there.

**Saeran**

How can he refuse, when Saeyoung sounds so pathetic? “Fine.” With little fuss Saeran puts aside the cloth and wraps an arm around Saeyoung's back.

**Saeyoung**

There’s mental techniques he’s learned to deal with pain. Saeyoung thinks about pushing his force through the soles of his feet into the earth, and pushing out the pain along with it.

The thought process translates into a relatively stable upwards movement, thanks to Saeran's steadying arm.

Saeyoung knows his face must look awful right now, but at least Saeran can only see it from the side...

"Okay... I'm just gonna walk to the shower..."

When he's close enough, Saeyoung reaches out and turns the cold water tap to the right. "Thank you... I'm just... gonna...."

He presses a hand onto the edge of the wall closest to the shower, as if he plans on sitting down under the water despite the fact he's still wearing his shirt and boxers.

If Saeran wasn't still holding him, he'd already be sitting.

"Ah... I don't want to get you wet... I can sit... it's fine..."

**Saeran**

"What...?” Saeran pulls back, completely nonplussed.

(What is going through his head?)

"You want a shower? _Clothed_?"

Saeyoung is clearly not thinking straight.

**Saeyoung**

Saeyoung kneels down, using the wall to steady himself, then crawls underneath the freezing water.

"Just... a few minutes... until everything stops burning..."

His voice is coloured with sharp relief. The pain is still there, but the burning that he's been feeling radiating over his body...

...even just washing away the sweat...

...it's a comfort.

"...feels better like this."

Just a couple more minutes...

**Saeran**

"You'll catch a chill," Saeran scolds, worry mounting once again. He knows how it can feel to allay a fever, but this is really too much.

Immediately, he turns to find some towels. Letting Saeyoung have a few moments - but not long.

**Saeyoung**

He barely notices that Saeran isn't standing just by the shower any more, closing his eyes and letting his mouth hang open slightly.

Not even drinking the water, just letting it pool slightly in his mouth, cooling his tongue, before draining away out the corners of his mouth. It's almost like meditating under a waterfall.

If you were also somehow on fire while doing the meditating, anyway.

**Saeran**

It does seem to help his twin, which is why Saeran hesitates a moment before finally turning off the flow of water. Saeyoung has spent long enough in there.

"You need to get dry and get changed... can you manage that?" he asks. Finding no pleasure in the fact he may need to help. Not when Saeyoung is like this.

**Saeyoung**

"Being wet... is better..." Saeyoung replies, the smallest note of rebellion entering his voice. "...it's cooler here..."

That same rebellion seems to spur an attempt to stand on his own, pressing his hands against the shower walls… but it's a pathetic and miserable attempt. He falls back against the wall with a soft, damp, thud.

"Aargh..."

He runs his fingers through his damp hair in frustration.

**Saeran**

Saeran chucks a towel over Saeyoung's head, rubbing at it vigorously.

"Get it together!"

**Saeyoung**

Saeyoung seems faintly stunned into silence. Or maybe he’s just like a bird when you throw a towel over its cage and it suddenly thinks it's night-time.

When Saeran finally removes the towel, Saeyoung looks back up at his twin and attempts to smile, though it comes out more like a grimace. "Okay... okay."

He raises a hand.

"Can you help me up? Once I'm standing I can lean against something..."

**Saeran**

Saeran was prepared to feel guilty, but, vindicated, he nods. And takes Saeyoung's hand to pull him up steadily.

**Saeyoung**

"Thanks..."

He leans back against the wall behind him, letting go of Saeran's hand. Then he pulls his wet shirt up over his head with... a little difficulty... but... he manages, throwing it weakly into the shower cubicle for now, so it doesn't soak the floor.

In another setting, this would absolutely be the perfect moment to take a stereotypical glamour photo. Saeyoung’s damp hair glistens, droplets trickling down his muscular arms. Damp chest rising and falling with the effort he just exerted in his weakened state.

But his face is flushed, his expression morose at best, and the entire situation anything but erotic.

Even when you're attracted to someone - and they're attracted back - there are times when all you are is just two people in room, staring blankly at each other for half a second before one of you reaches out for the towel the other is still holding.

As he does so, Saeyoung glances down.

It's not like Saeran hasn't seen it all before - as children, but, still. No matter his relationship, he still could use even a couple second's privacy to sort out his damp and clingy boxers.

There’s no way to peel off soggy underwear in a way that looks anything but awkward and unattractive. If anything, that puts Saeyoung off more than Saeran seeing him totally naked.

On the plus side… (I must be feeling better if I’m worried about looking ugly in front of him.)

"Uhm... I'm just going to... can you look the other way a sec?"

**Saeran**

Saeran is more than happy to oblige. He feels no urge to check Saeyoung out, the near nudity doing very little for him when he’s so worried. All his senses are focused on how sick his brother is.

"Go ahead," he says, once he's turned.

**Saeyoung**

It's harder to manage than the shirt, but manage he does, wrapping the towel around his waist.

"Okay... it's fine..."

He feels like he's even up to walking... so long as that twisty feeling doesn't return. Its more changing from standing to sitting and vice versa that's a challenge.

"I think... I'll need something warm to put on my stomach, and maybe that cloth for my head..."

Maybe the painkillers, though he's not sure he'll keep them down, even if he hasn't thrown up so far.

**Saeran**

Not trusting Saeyoung to make it on his own, Saeran reaches for him again. Taking his arm, grip perhaps too tight.

"You need to go back to bed."

The rest can follow after, but Saeyoung obviously requires bed-rest.

**Saeyoung**

"A... ah... okay?"

The question in his voice is barely there, and it has nothing to do with Saeran's current suggestion, exactly. More just that he can't really ever remember a time where Saeran has been like this with him.

As a child, Saeran had been affectionate, needy, a confidant, a comfort, but... not a caregiver. Not like this, anyway.

The closest thing he's ever experienced to this kind of care was from Vanderwood, but that was a little different, too...

Saeyoung puts up no argument, making his way to the his own bedroom at Saeran's side.

Apparently Saeran's determined to walk him all the way to his bed, so Saeyoung perches awkwardly on the end of it, still in his towel, when they arrive.

**Saeran**

It's progress, but Saeran's still unsettled. His hand moves on its own, caressing the side of Saeyoung's head with worry - before he retracts it, hastily recalling his place.

A brother.

Not a lover.

If he was going to look after Saeyoung any more than this, he can’t forget that fact. Never mind how much his heart squeezes.

"You... have to get better."

The world doesn't make sense otherwise.

"So make yourself comfortable... I'll get whatever you need."

**Saeyoung**

Has anyone ever touched him like that...?

No. Never.

Again, Vanderwood came the closest, but it was always coloured by Vanderwood’s professional, business-like framework for everything he did. Always careful to keep a wall between them. And it isn’t like Saeyoung wasn’t carefully maintaining the wall from his side, either.

And... V...

Much as he'd been a parental figure, he'd never lived with Saeyoung.

Never been at his bedside like this, or just been so...

(Oh...)

He can feel the tears prickling at the back of his eyes again, and he doesn't trust himself to speak.

He speaks anyway.

"Uh-huh... I'll... get better." He attempts another smile. "Only 'coz you asked, though..."

It’s a weak attempt to make his brother smile, but it's all he's got.

Having someone show concern for him like this... especially Saeran.

It's more confronting than he would have thought.

It's not _bad_. Not at all.

Just...

(My chest... aches...)

And it has nothing to do with the virus.

**Saeran**

Saeran would find it curious how much more vulnerable Saeyoung was when sick, how so much of his polished positive defense came down, if he wasn't sick with worry himself.

"It's what you'd do for me..."

There really was nothing special to how he's looked after Saeyoung so far. Speaking of which, Saeran hovers a moment, torn between staying and going, before finally leaving the room. Fetching all Saeyoung might need.

**Saeyoung**

He... misses Saeran in new ways to how he's missed him in the past.

(Is this what it's like... to have someone just… take all your fears away?)

The pain is still there, but the awe at being cared for is fighting with it for a hold over Saeyoung.

He takes the opportunity of Saeran’s absence to change from the towel to a new set of boxers. Then kicks every layer off his bed but the thinnest cotton sheet. He still feels too hot for anything more.

Once under that single sheet, he lies down, pulling it up to his waist.

**Saeran**

Having Saeyoung covered up helps with Saeran’s nerves. He might not be in the throes of any attraction in this current situation, but having the person he likes near-naked around him is still unsettling.

On his return he bears with him a hot water bottle, ice wrapped in a cloth, medicine and tea. He's by Saeyoung's side with them immediately.

**Saeyoung**

At first Saeyoung doesn't know where to look. He pulls himself up, leaning against the bed head, then tentatively takes the hot water bottle from Saeran's hands, placing it against his stomach.

The ice...

"Oh, maybe if I...?"

He pulls a pillow behind himself, so he can lean back a little, taking the cloth-wrapped ice, pressing it against one cheek.

It's so cold it stings, but it's a relief all the same.

"Thank you... I don't know what I would have done without you..."

**Saeran**

Stayed on the bathroom floor no doubt.

Saeran hovers a little longer, unsure what else he can do, but reluctant to leave.

"Be... more careful with what you eat," he says lamely, and frustrates himself further.

**Saeyoung**

"Uhm..."

At first, he'd wanted Saeran not to see him like this. Useless and hurting and miserable.

But... It's too late for that now, and... now...

He doesn't want Saeran to go.

"Would you...?"

This isn't the brother he wants to be. Strong and dependable, someone Saeran can rely on.

But... but...!

“I... do you need to go...?"

What, exactly, is his twin going to do in his room, though? Catalogue the various projects Saeyoung has half-completed on the floor?

"...ahhh... sorry... it's weird, right? And messy..."

**Saeran**

Saeran casts an eye about. There's certainly plenty of room for improvement...

And gives him the perfect reason to stay.

"You can't be expected to clean up in your state. I'll do it."

**Saeyoung**

"Ah..."

He doesn't want Saeran to have to do something like that, though on the other hand...

... if it means he stays...

"...if... you want..."

He can't focus on much, so he just watches Saeran move around the room. Not really registering as Saeran picks up books, returning them to shelves... throws yesterday's outfit into a laundry basket... examines a small container filled with welding solder and places it back inside a toolbox...

But, then, as Saeran moves over to Saeyoung's desk, where he's been painting something...

Saeyoung feels that painful twisty feeling...

"notimebathroomberightback"

He drops his heaven and hell and sprints out the bedroom with determination to make it to the toilet again before the worst happens.

Making it just in time, too.

"God..."

He really hopes this is the last time, before his body is announced the victor.

Meanwhile, Saeran, unknowingly, triggers the start-up of a certain creation Saeyoung's been working on for a while, now... his hand pushing down on its head as he jumped at Saeyoung's speedy exit.

He jumps again as there's a whirring sound under his fingertips a a small, cute voice hums... "Shyaaa... ah... Angel Saeran spotted...! Good morning! Do you want to play a game?"

**Saeran**

"...What?"

("Angel"?)

Any concern about Saeyoung rushing to the bathroom is put aside. Curiosity taking its place.

It's so like Saeyoung to make something like this, but Saeran hadn't expected to come across it in the works.

**Saeyoung**

"Does Angel Saeran require a list of my functions? I'm very sorry, but I can't perform some of them right now!"

Part of the reason for that might be that this robot... cat... only has three legs. The fourth is what Saeyoung seems to have been working on.

"My manual is also still in development..." The cat manages to sound somewhat apologetic about this.

"Available functions are:

> * Play games - please plug me into a console to continue!
> 
> * Tell jokes and stories!
> 
> * Noogle and clickipedia search
> 
> * Answer questions
> 
> * Development logs

The cat pauses a moment.

"Would you like me to read these options again?"

**Saeran**

As a machine, the cat is obviously just for play. All its functions could be better achieved through other tools.

One of the options does capture Saeran's interest though, so obvious that it's almost asking to be selected.

"No. Open the development logs."

He can't resist.

**Saeyoung**

"Understood. To play a specific log or test recording, choose the date or log number. You can also search by tag. Most recent log will begin in ten seconds if no selection provided."

The cat waits for the specified time, but when Saeran says nothing it begins to play an audio recording. The cat’s voice is crystal clear, Saeyoung's slightly less so, though it's all understandable enough.

> SAEYOUNG: And who is this a picture of?
> 
> CAT: Angel Saeran!
> 
> SAEYOUNG: [pleased] Got it again! Nice work!
> 
> SAEYOUNG: And this?
> 
> CAT: ...Angel Saeran... and...
> 
> CAT:... papilio ulysses!
> 
> SAEYOUNG: Oh, you looked up the species? So that's who stole his kiss, huh?
> 
> CAT: Something was stolen from Angel Saeran? Do you need me to engage combat mode?
> 
> SAEYOUNG: ...I think I'm gonna disable that mode for now.
> 
> CAT: Understood!
> 
> SAEYOUNG: Okay! And... who is this a photo of?
> 
> CAT: Saeyoung-shi!
> 
> SAEYOUNG: Ah... even without my glasses, huh? That's good... you're doing really well.
> 
> SAEYOUNG: Next I should get you examples of his voice, so that only he or I can instruct you, even if your visual sensors are down... hmm. His voice...
> 
> CAT: Assessment - Saeyoung-shi's mood just improved!! Cause of change required for enhanced psychological analysis.
> 
> SAEYOUNG: Phew... you really are getting good at that too, huh? Hah.
> 
> SAEYOUNG: Well... I guess just thinking about his voice cheers me up, haha.
> 
> SAEYOUNG: It’s nice to listen to.
> 
> SAEYOUNG: The way he speaks each word... gives his sentences thought...
> 
> SAEYOUNG: Though when he's excited, he can speed up like me, heheh...
> 
> SAEYOUNG: ...it’s the best sound in the world.
> 
> The recording goes silent for a moment, before Saeyoung picks things up again. It seems the robot cat is used to knowing what Saeyoung looks like when he’s still ruminating on an idea.
> 
> SAEYOUNG: Oh! So you know, the second-best sound is definitely a cat purring. Then an engine rumbling... ocean waves...the crack! a can makes when you pop it... the sound of wind outside when you're inside...
> 
> CAT: List of nicest sounds stored in database!
> 
> CAT: Psychological data updated!
> 
> SAEYOUNG: Good job. You're really coming along so fast... uh. Tag this test: face recognition, voice recognition, psych input
> 
> CAT: Test has been tagged!

**Saeran**

Saeran had never thought about how he talked before. Unconsciously, he raises a hand to his throat in thought.

(...He likes how I sound...)

But he can't dwell on that. In the distance, Saeran hears the sound of the toilet flush.

If the cat obeyed vocal commands, then... "Ah, shut down."

With any luck, he'll look like he's busied himself while Saeyoung was gone.

**Saeyoung**

"Shutting down, mew~"

Saeyoung's made the most of his time away, too. He feels...

(…I'm wrecked, but... maybe whatever it is, has left my system, at least?)

He's still feverish, and his guts ache, but the feeling he might throw up is totally gone now.

He takes his time washing his hands and carefully making his way back to his room, unsteady, but better than before.

Saeran's still tidying when he gets back. Saeyoung doesn't comment on it, grateful for the privacy in the bathroom and for his twin's continued presence.

He returns to bed, returning the hot water bottle and ice pack to his stomach and head respectively.

"I think the worst of it might be over, now..." he guesses aloud, voice still sounding small and weak.

"Hopefully..."

His face looks deathly pale, though - certainly not a picture of health.

**Saeran**

Saeran stops cleaning and moves back to Saeyoung's side, taking the teacup he's brought in and offering it.

"You need to drink if you've been sick."

It almost sounds like an accusation.

**Saeyoung**

Saeyoung hesitates a moment, like he's considering just leaning forward and drinking from the cup in Saeran's hand. But then perhaps thinks better of it.

He places the ice pack to one side, to take the tea cup.

"...I'm really... grateful that you're here..."

**Saeran**

"I know what it means to have someone looking after you when you're ill."

It matters all the more, because it's when you're at your most vulnerable and unseemly.

**Saeyoung**

Speaking of being vulnerable.

All of Saeyoung's barriers are definitely down right now. Even with the reduced pain.

"...this is my first time..." Saeyoung admits, staring into the cup.

"I always tried to look tough when we were kids... and then after that... there was no one who'd... help like this... no one who made me feel safe..."

His earlier thought returns.

"If I was alone... I'd definitely be sniffling to myself on the floor right now... wondering if I was dying... instead..."

He closes his eyes, inhaling the gentle scent of the tea.

"Instead... I have tea... and comfort... beside me, the one that I..."

(...love)

He's told Saeran he loves him before. Many times.

Just not since he realised he _loved_ him... scared now that Saeran would somehow detect the changed meaning, and turn away from him in disgust. He risks it anyway.

"...love..." he finishes aloud.

Just because of his own twisted emotions... Saeran should still be told he's loved.

Because he is.

He always will be.

**Saeran**

Heart stuttering, Saeran is frozen in place. Knowing very well Saeyoung's meaning, even if his brother thinks he’s disguised it with his sickness.

Maybe because of this situation... he can also take some liberties.

"Oh... Yes, me too..."

Except it doesn't make much sense to say that. Saeyoung wasn't actually confessing to him.

"I mean, I'm familiar with that difference... if I can help you avoid that same misery...  and take the burden of being strong off your shoulders... it's reward enough." Saeran murmurs, a little shy anyway.

**Saeyoung**

Saeyoung keeps his eyes closed. It's easier this way.

"You're..."

Kind. Thoughtful.

An angel.

"...I don't deserve to be cared about by someone as sweet as you..."

He swallows, throat tightening at the emotion.

(...I'm truly hopeless today.)

But he can't find it in himself to pretend. He just has no stamina for it right now.

"...but I'll still accept it, anyway. I'll take what I don't deserve... at least today..."

(Just for today... I can allow myself to be a burden...)

He'll do his best tomorrow to be well and reliable and not clinging to his twin's every kindness without restraint.

**Saeran**

Only Saeyoung thinks Saeran is sweet. Only Saeyoung think he doesn't deserve any care.

"Don't talk that way." Saeran replies, sullen. Though it still feels good to hear himself talked about like that. It’s easier to believe when it’s coming from someone too sick to lie.

(I'm not happy he's sick, but...)

He appreciates how open it's made Saeyoung. So he'll show some appreciation in return.

"Is there anything else you need?"

**Saeyoung**

"Uhm..."

Saeyoung keeps his eyes firmly closed, embarrassed at the only request that comes to mind, even in this state.

"...well..."

His fingers tighten around the cup, afraid of his own craving for comfort.

"Would you... pat my head...?"

**Saeran**

The request seems so small, but Saeran realizes its significance.  It’s something Saeyoung used to do for him as children, when he fell ill himself. As well as being a small act of love.

And all it requires is reaching a hand out, and...

...

It’d be awkward to do it while standing where he is. Or so Saeran tells himself, justifying why he crosses to the other side of Saeyoung's bed and crawls onto it, making himself comfortable at his twin's side. Silent the entire while, as if speaking might ruin the attempt.

And he pats Saeyoung's hair. Carefully. His touch as light as possible.

**Saeyoung**

There's no hiding how much Saeyoung's shoulders relax as soon as Saeran begins. He sighs, a release of stress and nothing else.

"...ah..."

If he was well, he'd be nervous about accepting a touch like this, but...

...he's in no state to think about how easy it would be to turn and kiss Saeran from here. How all he’d need to do is raise his arms a little, to tug his brother closer.

Because right now, it wouldn't be easy at all. He’s too weak. Too loopy.

So he can trust himself, and just enjoy the feeling of being cared for. Saeyoung places his cup to his side, and, hand still holding the hot water bottle to his belly, he turns a little towards Saeran, tucking his knees in closer to his chest. Still keeping his eyes closed. Each gentle stroke all he focuses on, letting his pain fade further into the background.

"...really... an angel..." he mumbles to himself, unaware that his robot cat has already given _that_ appellation away.

"I feel like I could get recover from anything with this..."

**Saeran**

"If that's the case... I'll do it as long as you need."

Saeran has so often been unable or unallowed from expressing his own affection, even in the most platonic of ways. So in a way, this is healing for him too.

**Saeyoung**

"M... mn..." Saeyoung sighs, curling up even more around the warmth of the hot water bottle. He's glad he had the shower, so that his hair isn't too unpleasant to touch after the initial fever-sweating.

"How about forever... haha..." he squeezes the water bottle closer. "...just joking... I know your hand will get tired eventually..."

**Saeran**

Even so, Saeran continues. Fingers carefully pushing back Saeyoung's damp hair, and rubbing soft circles into his scalp.

"Only on special occasions," he murmurs. Not because Saeran wouldn’t like to do this more, but he has to be coy about it.

**Saeyoung**

It's like this, that, eventually, Saeyoung falls asleep.

It's a somewhat feverish sleep - his eyelids twitching in a dream - but every stroke of Saeran's seems to have left him far more peaceful than before.

And so the day passes. Their aquarium date postponed, at least for today.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M BACK, BABY!!!
> 
> Well, not exactly, but I'll do my best to update more often again. Like I've said before, all this fic is already written, it's just the editing of each chapter that slows me down! Lots of polishing needed to take late-night insomniac RP into a nice readable state ^^; I can't promise an updating schedule as I have to prioritise my paid work above this stuff, but, I really do want to finish publishing this story (And A Garden of Stars, and Dear Enemy, and one other series I have in its entirety just waiting to go online!). I'll get there! Thanks as always for your patience and support!


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